Potions & Charms

Talking

They sat down together and then Avi took a deep breath before he told Scott about Professor Snyde. 

About class, the way he always had some kind of creepy grin on his face when he punished students, about the punishments itself. He told him about the mental issues Avi himself had started to experience at some point, about the eating disorder he had developed at some point. The constant struggle to get good grades, the pain he had felt after his parents had passed, his inability to grieve properly. 

It was the first time since Scott had met Avi that he allowed himself to open up and talk about everything without leaving parts and bits out. For the first time Scott felt as if Avi was ready to be read like one of the old and mysterious looking books in the restricted section in the library, and he couldn't stop. He sucked up every word that left the Potion Master's lips like a plant after a drought. 

"And I couldn't stop thinking how he sat on this couch in front of the fireplace. That's when I made the decision to leave. I didn't think about you or the others, Scott. Maybe I should've, cause it would've kept me at the castle." Avi looked at him. "I'm so sorry for running away."

"I appreciate your apology, Avi" Scott said and reached out to touch his hand for a moment. "I really do."

Avriel nodded and then took another deep breath. Talking about his past had been hard and he was getting tired, but he wasn't done yet. Scott deserved the whole story. 

"I grabbed my bag and then, once away from the castle, apparated." 

"All the way to Argentina?"

"Yeah. I splintered, though. It was nasty and up to this point I don't really know how I am still alive, but I think my brain went into survival mode. No thinking, just- just doing. It worked quite well for two months and then I woke up one night and realized what I had done to you. Maybe my head isn't okay, Scott. I don't know." 

"Trauma" he just said. "Emotional trauma can cause brain injury, Avi. It can affect the hippocampus, which is in charge of memories. Prefrontal cortex for emotions, amygdala for survival instincts." 

The bearded man nodded slowly and took a sip from his beverage. "Sometimes I sit here and- and I don't know what to do. All I have ever done is survive 'cause that's what I've been taught in school, but what if I don't want to anymore?"

"Then you have to find something that makes you want to survive. You like brewing potions."

Avriel shrugged. "I guess."

"Have you thought of coming back to the castle?"

"No. I think the new Potion Master is doing an okay job, from what I've heard."

Scott snorted. "He's horrible. Way too bubbly and happy. Mitch hates him. And I don't like the thought of him sleeping in your bed. Kinda freaks me out."

"Well, in case you didn't know, but the bed wasn't mine to begin with." Avi reached for a slice of mango and slowly chewed it. "But no. I won't come back." 

The baritone pouted lightly before he took his glass again and drank some of the iced tea. "Not even back to Scotland? So we could hang out?"

"Well, if- if you still want to spend time with me and all that I could think about coming over for a visit every now and then." Avriel looked up and into Scott's bright blue eyes, and this time the tall blonde noticed a hint of fear hidden between the layers of green and brown. 

Instead of answering he reached out and took both of Avi's hands in his. "Avi, whatever happened back in January did not affect what I feel for you. It didn't change my feelings towards you and the fact that I care way more than I probably should." He didn't want to say the three words, afraid that they would drive them apart again, afraid that Avi wasn't ready to hear them. Scott squeezed his hands and then smiled lightly. "Okay? Take your time. I will stay for a little if you want me to. If not I will be back in Norway by tomorrow evening." 

Avi thought for a moment before he slowly nodded. "You could stay here? I know that good hotels are rather expensive and I don't want you to spend so much money on a tiny room. I have a guest room you could use." His voice wasn't as strong before and Scott noticed a hint of doubt in there, but instead of making Avi wait for an answer and increase anxiety he nodded. 

"I would love that."

Two hours later he left the guest room after unpacking his bag and found Avi back in the kitchen, preparing dinner for them. After being denied to help he settled on the couch and reached for one of the books Avi had stacked next to it, which was a rather familiar sight. 

"Potions 101? Never heard of it" Scott mumbled as he was flipping through the pages. 

"Never released it. Didn't like the title." 

The baritone looked up and found Avi standing in front of him, holding a plate with chicken and rice. "Damn, and that keeps you from publishing it?"

Avriel shrugged and sat down next to him to eat. After clearing the plates the two men chatted for another half an hour, mainly about potions, and as the sun started to set behind them the smaller man scooted closer. He hesitated for a moment before he rested against Scott's shoulder, only to feel the baritone's arm slowly slipping around his upper body. 

"Thank you" he just mumbled and closed his eyes to savor not only the gentle warmth but the feeling of safety Scott provided. "I missed this- I missed you so much."