Live Through This/ Liam Gallagher

CHAPTER SEVENTY

The next morning was one of chaos, as I woke up all I could think about was just getting out of Noel's hotel room and getting back to Liam's to get my stuff without running into Liam himself. It was maybe 5 AM. I couldn't pretend to still be asleep anymore.

So I decided to get it over with, head still running over everything had learned last night. Liam had cheated. Had possibly knocked a girl up.

And then we fought and I ran out of the room. Happy couple no more. Yet I still had that stupid fucking ring on, my promise to be faithful and to love him. How ironic.

And I hadn't even found out about the other girl from him. It had been from an offhand comment Meg had made. When she thought I was asleep.

My lips were craving everything I really couldn't touch at the moment.

Drumming my fingers along the sofa, I couldn't help but miss the feeling of a cigarette between my lips, the smell of smoke.

Digging even deeper into my memories, and to yesterday, I licked my lips, trying to see if any of Liam's coke had actually transferred to my lips in the kiss he had given me the night before. Nothing. Not an ounce of it.

What was wrong with me?

I shouldn't be thinking of any of this shit right now. Really. It was bad for me and for, well, the kid that was growing inside of me. A kid who was most likely going to have a broken home.

I had grown up similarly.

My mother and I didn't get along, father didn't want to be around. They all just wanted me out so they could move on. That was how I lived, and it was terrible. My feelings had been pushed aside and wondered if it was all my fault.

Then I grew up, became all big and famous and now they all wanted to see me. They now wanted me to love them and to give me affection as well.

Money fueled the world.

Money was all anyone ever seemed to care about.

Sure. My kid would never have to worry. There would always be someone who loved them. I would make sure they were taken care of, no matter what. But I wasn't sure about Liam or how sturdy he was willing to be. How often he would want to be around.

Kicking all of my thoughts of my mind, I make my way to the door, slipping out of the hotel room, shutting the door and making my way to my former room.

The door was unlocked.

So I walked in and saw him.

Passed out on the sofa, sprawled out, his ring on his finger, the phone off the hook, television still blaring.

On the coffee table I could see his pack of smokes, then a small baggie with what I had been craving. The white powder looked sugary sweet and it had been months.

Shit. What was wrong with me?

Picking up the phone, the smokes and the bag I dash off quietly to the bedroom and close the door, ringing every number I could think of, eventually dialing Courtney hesitantly. The only one who would ever answer.

"Courtney? Are you there?" I ask in a hushed voice, nearly on the verge of tears, frustrated.

"Avery. Shit what's wrong?" She asks, pulling herself out of the clouds and into the phone call.

"It's a long story."

"Tell it. I've got the time."

So I do, spilling everything and letting it come out, already knowing tears are slipping down my face and that I was going to look like a mess by the time it was all over.