GODSPEED || V.H

010

He trailed behind me as I approached the classroom. "Let's hang out" he offered again, I mean there would be nothing wrong with it. He just wants to hang out and if he does pulls something I could just reject him on the spot.

"Sure" I turned "great, I'm taking her home today vinnie" he pointed towards him who was sitting at his own desk. He quickly glared before giving me the stank eye "okay..." he shrugged.

Julian left the room and I turned again towards vinnie, he rolled his eyes "I don't care.." he sighed out loud before rubbing his eyes.

. . .

I stared out the window, I was closer towards the window rather than Julian. He was humming softly while scrolling through his phone, not to be dramatic or anything. Although we were basically doing what I usually do with vinnie, it didn't feel right. I think it was because I wasn't even fully comfortable with him. Our energy is on very different levels, also because I didn't want anyone to see us and start rumors and I suddenly become a whore and Julian continues with the name Julian.

Now thinking about it, I was starting to get angry. In my school, if you ever get caught doing something strangely with a boy. The girl goes through the whole hate process of name calling and getting shunned from everyone. As for the boy, they shrug it off and he gets praised from a couple of boys. And now that I notice, mostly all the hate comes from jealous girls. What is there to get jealous about? The boy isn't all that. And now that I'm sitting his car I was starting to get disappointed in myself.

I sighed out loud, Julian turned towards me "tell me about yourself" he leaned towards me, I backed away "well I like to paint and I-" "no I want you to dig deeper" "I'm not comfortable with that.." I softly let out.

"Why?" He pouted his lips "you don't trust me?" "Julian how do you expect me to trust you that fast?" "Well I trust you" "are you lying?" "No.." he awkwardly looked at me.

"Ivy, how do you expect things to escalate?" "What do you mean escalate? As in to best friends?" "No what I really mean-"he paused "never mind" he shake his head.

"It's going to take awhile for me to warm up, I hope you understand that" "I think I do but I'm not sure if I have the patience for that" "then I don't see us becoming more than what we have right now" I stated.

"Okay, take your time" he threw himself back in his seat, the air filled with very awkward silence. His head suddenly snapped towards me "how do I make you comfortable? Give me tips" "Julian, I don't know .. it just happens" I sighed.

"Well you and vinnie randomly appeared together, how come he got it easy?" "He is my friend but I don't fully trust him, Delilah has my full trust" "I don't find that fair.. does this mean we get to hang out more?" "Sure" I said, I'm not sure if he could hear me starting to get annoyed.

I liked the Julian I imagined in my head, he was cooler and more understanding. I don't know who and understand this Julian that is sitting beside me. And to be very rude and I hate to say it but it's true what they say, don't start setting standards for a person or imagining them.. you will be disappointed. And I think the reason why I had him imagined in my mind the way I did was because I had to build him and force myself to think he was an amazing person. This was all rude for me to think...he did have a pretty face.

"Look I'm sorry for what I said, I'm here with full arms and I'm here" he smiled "then we're going to be good friends, I'm going to be here for you as well" I smiled back.

"You know what?" He continued to smile "what?" "I think you have the prettiest eyes and lips" he said brushing a strand of hair behind my ear, his face was now inches away from mine.

My eyes were completely widen, was this all to get me soften up?

"Your lips always look so amazing" he whispered, I pulled away "was that your way to get to me?" I angrily said "am I some joke to you?" "No.. I swear you're not. I just thought we were having a moment" "are you dumb? Take me home" I yelled "I'm sorry let's pretend that never happened" "just take me home" I rolled my eyes.

The whole car ride was silent, I didn't even say goodbye. But the second I stepped inside my house I just wanted to cry, and I'm not sure why. Which was extremely stupid. I dragged my feet across the living room carpet to find my mom sleeping on the couch.

I walked towards her, pressing my hand against her cheek. With the small contact I made with her, she quickly buried her face deeper into my hand. The bags under her eyes seemed to get worst, she also looked so peaceful in her sleep. I don't want to wake her up, she seemed happy and I wanted to leave her that way. It seems like she's the happiest whenever she's sleeping. She never gets a rest from my dad, she always deserved more and I couldn't wait for the day to come when I shower her with gifts.

So she can toss my dad to the side and I can be her support, so she didn't have to force herself to be with him any longer. I just wanted to see her happy, tears were forming.

I gently pulled my hand away, making my way up to my room. I quickly rushed in closing the door behind me letting the tears stream down my face. No matter what I accomplish, I don't think I can ever exceed the limit of happiness I always wanted. Deep inside I would still crave a bit of my dads love, still wanting to work our relationship out so it can become stronger and better. I just miss the old him, and I'm trying to accept that fact that I can't have him back.

I grabbed a new pair of clothes, putting myself to shower. After getting myself dried off and changed I rolled onto my bed scrolling through Instagram to give my mind another place to wander on.

A new post of Julian came on, I clicked on the comments to read "caption credits to me😳✌️😏" I cringed. The tears that were forming in my eyes while changing into my clothes were suck back into my eye sockets. The second hand embarrassment I was having was crazy.

"How'd the go date?" Vinnie's messaged pop up, I clicked on it. I think he saw me being active "It wasn't a date but it was gross" "that's enough information for me, want to come over and play video games again tomorrow?" "Do I even have a choice?" "No, do you have something better?" "Plants" "no" "come on" I sent, he left me on seen after. I let out a soft laugh, I hate him.

I woke up extra early in the morning to prepare us small cups of coffee, and with a small biscuit sandwich on the side. This was my way of saying thank you for the ride.

Minutes later, I quickly went outside and ran to his car. We sat inside for a bit drinking small sips of our coffee, he even gave me a small thank you. He placed the coffee down staring over at me before bursting out in laughter "didn't I tell you!" He playful yelled, I felt so embarrassed "shut up, you're going to make us late" "no let me have my moment, I just find this whole thing hilarious" he kept laughed.

A/n thank you for reading!! Don't forget to comment and vote 😌