Secret Affairs

S&M

Feels so good being bad
There's no way I'm turning back
Now the pain is for pleasure
Cause nothing can measure

March 2006

Ellen was nervous, that was much of an understatement. Today was a big scene, one that she didn't even know about until she got the script a week before the table read. They had filmed most of the episode now, her and Patrick were the only two actors there. They had been quite distant, with Ellen deciding to end things for good with him, their friendship was strained and it was hard to do scenes just the two of them.

"You nervous," he chuckled from behind her. He had a tux on which made him look so irresistible. She bit on her lower lip, keeping her from licking them. She hated how much she wanted him and he made it so hard. He flirted without even trying and she hated to admit she loved it.

"Nope," she smirked. The pair watched as the crew finished getting the set ready.

"Ok guys, you ready?" The directors asked. Ellen had never filmed something like this, it was mostly unscripted except for the words having to be spoken. They were just told to make it hot and steamy and like the two were lustful for each other. They didn't have to act for any of those things.

"Ok, you ready?" The director asked.

"Yep," she smiled as she lifted her dress she was wearing and walked over to behind the door with Patrick. He looked at her and she looked at him.

"Just pretend like the camera's aren't there," he whispered to her.

"I guess it's better than being naked," she giggled. They heard the magic words and she flipped a switch to get into character. She made herself breathe heavy as she slung open the exam room door, Patrick followed behind her and slammed the door behind him.

"Just leave me alone," she said, making her voice crack to make it seem like she was about to cry.

"I just want to make sure you're alright," Patrick said as he walked toward her.

"No, I'm not alright! Ok! Are you satisfied? I'm not alright!"she said very Boston accent.

"Cut! Ellen, try not to bring out the accent please," he asked nicely.

"I'm sorry, it just slips sometimes. Let's run it back,"
She said to him. The pair got back into place as he yelled action again. They replayed the words again, Ellen trying her hardest not to slip up.

"You have a wife, and you call me a whore. And our dog died. And now you're looking at me. Stop looking at me!" She motioned with her hands. She felt these words deep. She hated how much it reflected their own situation.

"I'm not looking at you," Patrick said as he tried to hold back tears. Those words stung, because he was looking at her. All the time. He was a married man and he couldn't keep his eyes or hands off her body, "I am not looking at you," he said as he danced around the table with her, circling it as she stopped and he stopped as well.

"You are looking at me. And you watch me! And Finn had plans, and I like Finn. He's perfect for me and I'm really trying here, to be happy. And I can't breathe, I can't breath with you looking at me like that so just stop!" She had tears rimming her eyelids as those words hurt so bad, she couldn't help but feel the pain her character was feeling. Being so in love with a man who is married and trying to be happy with her own man.

"Do you think I want to look at you? That I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife," he had let a tear escape his eye. His entire heart hurt as he said those words. He was almost too choked up to finish the scene. He felt like he couldn't breathe as he spoke.