Secret Affairs

Amazing Grace

April 2008

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

"Good morning beautiful," Patrick smiled as he noticed Ellen slowly start to awaken from a slumber.

"Mhm," she nodded as she snuggled closer into him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked her the same thing every day for two weeks now.

"Tired," she groaned.

"I have a meeting with the lawyer's later with Jill. Just to finalize everything and get the papers sent off. What time is the appointment again?" He asked.

"Shh, I haven't had coffee," she pushed her finger to his lips.

"Ellen, it's already 10am," he said to her.

"The appointment is at 2," she replied with her eyes closed.

"I'll have to meet you there," he said as he placed a kiss on her forehead before getting up.

"Mhm," she nodded to him. He got out of bed and went to get clothes on.

"See you there?" He offered.

"See you there," she leaned up just enough to let him kiss her goodbye. He turned and left and she just watched him. Her hand grazed over her stomach and she couldn't help but smile. Her life was going amazing, everyone on set was so happy they got to find themselves together. He had officially moved in, they had decorated rooms for Talula and the twins. The last bedroom in her home would soon become their little bundle of joy's room.

She got up and decided to fix herself breakfast, she felt amazing, this pregnancy was a breeze other than the exhaustion that came with it. She hadn't gotten morning sickness yet, she still waited for it to come. She sat in her quite home, letting the silence fill the space as she enjoyed the last bit of silence she would have. She was excited to finally have a baby, one she didn't even know she wanted. She knew Patrick was already the best father should could ask for her baby.

She realized the time and decided to shower quickly and get dressed, she couldn't help but stop in the mirror and admire her stomach. Wasn't much besides some bloating but she knew there was a tiny baby growing in there happily thriving. She dreamed of what the baby would look like, she just knew it was going to be a girl. Talula would have a sister, though they decided to wait to tell everyone about the pregnancy until she was through her first trimester.

She drove the almost hour drive to the doctor's office, without traffic it wasn't too far but LA traffic was always awful. She pulled in and saw Patrick already waiting for her.

"How was the lawyer's?" She asked.

"Good. We decided to do 50/50 custody. I'll get the kids Friday through Monday and she gets them the other days. I get every other holiday and birthday's but Jillian said we can just do one party together," he said, he was terrified she would try and keep them from her.

"That's amazing news," she said, she walked into the clinic with him following her. She filled out the paperwork before sitting down next to him.

"You excited?" He asked as he laid his hand on her leg.

"A little more nervous than anything," she felt the butterflies flying in her stomach. She was excited to see the tiny little peanut growing inside of her that was half of her and half of Patrick.

"Pompeo," the nurse said from the door. The two of them walked into the back with her. She stepped on the scale and got her blood pressure taken along with her iron levels.

"I am going to need you to pee in this cup and there's a little window to stick it in," she handed Ellen the cup and Ellen did just as she was asked. She felt relieved to finally empty her bladder. She had been drinking a lot of water, they told her to be well hydrated for the ultrasound to get a clear image. She followed the nurse to the exam room, Patrick holding her hand as they walked back.

"I need you to undress from the waist down and cover up with this," she handed her a sheet before leaving.

"I like it when you get pantless," he joked.

"Hush," Ellen giggled as she removed her pants and underwear before climbing on to the exam table. They sat patiently as they waited for the doctor, the silence was nice.

"Ellen?" The doctor said as she walked in along with a portable ultrasound.

"Yes, that's me," Ellen smiled proudly. Her stomach continue to flutter as they were so close to see the little baby growing inside her.

"I'm Dr. Kenner, I am going to be doing your ultrasound. Care to confirm your date of birth?" She asked.

"November 10, 1969," Ellen said, she couldn't seem to sit still with the excitement that filled her. She had waited for this for what seemed like an eternity.

"Ok, and says here you should be about 7 weeks and 5 days along. So we are going to do a vaginal ultrasound because baby isn't quite big enough to see through the abdomen," she said as she got everything set up.

"Ok," Ellen said as she laid back and put her feet into the stirrups.

"This your first?" She asked.

"It is. I know I'm a little higher in age but I have a healthy diet, and exercise regularly so I'm hoping to keep it going as smoothly as I can," Ellen replied.

"That's awesome. Now it's going to be a little uncomfortable but trust me, it's worth it," the doctor smiled as she flipped on the screen. She moved the transducer around until a tiny little bean shaped object showed up.

"There's our baby," Patrick smiled as he looked down at her and back at the machine. They watched as she moved around the transducer a little more. Her face turned a little as she continued to move it.

"Everything ok?" Ellen asked.

"Just a little smaller," she furrowed her brows as she pushed buttons on the machine and moved it around more. Silence continued to fill the room as Ellen felt her stomach drop. She looked at Patrick with teary eyes, he looked upset as well but kept his eyes focused on the machine.

"I'm so sorry but I can't find a heartbeat," the doctor said as she pulled the transducer from Ellen and cleaned it off.

"Am I just to early?" Ellen asked, her voice shaking as she felt her heart sink.

"I'm going to have you come in next week for a follow up but from the looks of it, it looks like the fetus had stopped developing around 6 weeks. I'm so sorry. You did nothing wrong, it just happens sometime especially with you being high risk," she said softly, "I'm going to give you two some time. You take as long as you need, just stop at the front desk to make another appointment."

After she left the room, Ellen looked over at Patrick. He looked like his whole world shattered in front of him, she had never seen him so sad. She couldn't even breath, she felt her chest tighten. It couldn't be real, she wanted to believe this was all a dream.

"We can try again when we are ready," he said softly to her, grabbing her hand and squeezing it as he place a kiss on the top of her hand.

"I don't want to, if this baby is gone I don't want to try to have another," she quickly shook her head as she began to get dressed.

"Ellen," he tried to say.

"I said no," she felt like the whole world was moving around her but hers had stopped turning. She felt her heart in a million pieces as she replayed the words over and over again in her head. She never thought this would happen to her. She felt like her heart was ripped from her chest.

A/N: please don't hate me 🥺 , just part of the story. I always felt like Shonda based Merder on Dempeo's relationship and mer had that miscarriage but you know I'm a sucker for happy endings! Happiness again soon