Secret Affairs

One

April 2006

Tell me that you'll turned down the man
Who asks for your hand
'Cause you're waiting for me
And I know, you're gonna be away a while
But I've got no plans at all to leave

Ellen had just arrived to the set, they finished filming last week and that was it for the season. It was time to clean out the trailers, the other actors had already cleaned theirs and Patrick had been putting it off until last minute. They were getting new trailers next season, the main cast was finally able to get their own trailers with how well the show had been doing. It had the highest ratings on the network, they were pushing for five year contracts for everyone but she wasn't so sure how much longer she could do it.

She walked into the trailer to Patrick already there packing up boxes, he had the radio on playing late 90's R&B. He was never a fan but she knew he was playing it for her.

"Good morning, I brought you coffee how you like it," he smiled as he nodded at the counter that held a Starbucks cup.

"Thanks," she smiled at him as she took the cup and sipped at it. He was wears a light blue v-neck with just some khaki shorts.

"I just got here, still got a lot to pack up," he breathed as he was folding some of his clothes he had brought.

"Yeah, we got to be out of here before 2," she said as she grabbed a box and started putting her clothes she had already folded into the box.

"Do you wanna talk?" He asked.

"About what?"

"That contract. Shonda keeps hounding me to get you to sign it," he chuckled.

"Yeah, she has a deadline for them to be in. I'm just not sure yet," she sighed.

"About the show?" He asked.

"Everything," she just shook her head. She didn't really want to get into it with him today.

"I get it. Jillian wants me to sign it for job security but I won't if you don't," he said to her.

"Let's not talk about it today," she said to him finally. They silently packed with the music filling the awkward silence between them.

"Hey don't you love this song?" He chuckled as the song started playing. He turned it up a bit bobbing his hips. It was Poison by Bell Biv DeVoe.

"I do," she chuckled as she watched him try to dance with it.

"That's not how you do it," she laughed as she watched him try to dance to it.

"Then show me," he smirked. She bit her lip, shaking her head as she laughed and quickly started moving her to the music.

It's driving me out of my mind
That's why it's hard for me to find
Can't get it outta my head
Miss her, kiss her, love her, that girl is poison

"Wow you're good," he laughed and tried to follow her footsteps.

"Hush," she laughed and shook her head, stopping as she grabbed a hair-tie from her stash in the drawer and pulled her hair up.

"You are way too good at dancing," he smiled at her.

"Too much time in the clubs," she just chuckled and shook her head.

"Oh right, those hustlin' days," he joked.

"That's right. You pick up a move or two," she just laughed. The two kept a light conversation as they continued to pack their stuff into boxes.

"How's Tal?" She asked.

"Great. She is starting gymnastics soon. She wants to have a play date with the dogs but I think it's just an excuse to see you," he chuckled.

"We should go out to lunch when I get back from Italy in June," she said to him.

"Yeah, definitely. She'll love it. She adores you," he smiled as he talked about his daughter.

"She's the best kid," Ellen smiled. She really cared about Talula. She was very sweet and respectful.

"She is," he nodded as he moved some of the boxes out of the way next to the door

"Oh god," she whispered under her breath, blushing as she heard the song start playing out from the radio.

Let me lick you up and down till you say stop
Let me play with your body, baby, make you real hot
Let me do all the things you want me to do
'Cause tonight, baby, I wanna get freaky with you

She looked at Patrick as she saw him begin to sweat. This song was a hit back in the day, it played on repeat in the clubs back in Miami.

"I forgot this song even existed," he chuckled nervously as the song played over the radio.

"This brings back memories," she shook her head laughing.

"Yeah," he looked at her, the music drowned the voices in his head telling him to stop before he grabbed her up and pushed his lips against hers. He felt her react as her lips burst open against his as their tongues danced. She quickly pulled away, looking angrily at him as she pushed him away from him.

"Ellen!" Patrick yelled toward her as she walked out of the trailer.

"What?" She hissed as she turned to him.

"I'm sorry," he shook his head.

"I've told you we can't. We can't do this thing. I've told you over and over again and you just don't get it!" She shouted at him.

"I fucked up! I just can't, please just let me leave her. And you leave Chris. And we will do this thing together! I don't love her, hell I don't even like her! I want you, I want you bad." He yelled back.

"We can't. You don't love me, you only feel that way because we spend so much time together," she shook her head at him.

"I do spend time with you because I want to, not because I have to. I love everything about you and even the things I hate, I love them because of you! You don't think I wish I didn't feel this way every time I'm around you! You drive me crazy, your skin and your smile. God that smile, and the look in your eyes when something makes you happy. It's everything, I feel like you take my breath away every single time I am around you," he breathed as he just professed his love to a woman that wasn't his wife.

She looked at him with the saddest look on her face. She couldn't believe that he said those thing, she did fall in love with the man so quickly that she couldn't describe the way he made her feel. She felt guilty in the way she felt so much love for this man standing right in front of her.

"No. Patrick I won't do it. And I can't sign that contract. I know it will mean the ending of the show after this next season but I can't. I can't live like this anymore. I feel guilty, it's eating away at my soul. You have a family, and I have Chris. I love him, I can't hurt him like this."

"Ok. I hate to back down like this because I know things with us will never be the same. I do, I truly love you in a way that I've never felt with anyone else but I won't get in the way of our career's this way. It will be easier from here on out, no shared trailer or anything to keep me to you besides out roles. I can bury it if it means that you are happy," he felt a tear try to escape as he said those words.

"I don't know if I can," she shook her head at him, she had started crying herself. She didn't want to lose him but she couldn't love him anymore, "I'll come back when you finish getting your stuff."

"Will I get to see you again?" He asked as he finally let the tears escape from him.

"Eventually. I just need a break, from all of this back and forth. It's killing me," she shook her head at him as she slowly walked to her car. She wasn't sure what she was going to do next.

Author's note; I know this is a lot of back and forth, and eventually things will happen. This is a DEMPEO story after all.