Secret Affairs

I won't give up

When I look into your eyes
It's like I'm watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold

October 2005

"We can't keep doing this Patrick," Ellen breathed heavily as her naked body laid tangled in his. She felt so guilty every time they had sex, it was becoming so frequent she was scaring herself. It was like she had no self control, and he didn't help either. Him and Jillian were fighting more and more, which just made him run to her every time. She felt dirty each time but she loved the feeling of him.

"I know," he groaned as he put his hands over his face.

"It's so hard," he sat up and looked at her.

"It is," she looked into his piercing blue eyes.

"I just can't keep my hands off you. You're like a drug to me," he said to her.

"How do you think I feel?" She sighed.

"Like a home wrecker. I'm so sorry," he frowned. He knew how she felt, and he just kept doing it to her.

"You, you just make me crazy," she shook her head at him. The two froze immediately when there was a knock on the trailer door.

"Patrick, we need you to come reshoot this scene. The microphone was messed up," one of the producers said from outside.

"Ok, let me just get back into my scrubs," he shouted before hurrying off the bed. Ellen jumped up as well, quickly throwing around the blanket as she searched for her own clothes.

"Can we talk later?" He asked with pleading eyes.

"Just talk?" She questioned.

"Yes, I promise," he smiled weakly at her.

"Patty," she looked at him with a sparkle in her eyes.

"Hmm?" He had just finished fixing his hair again in the best way he could.

"I don't want to ruin our friendship," she pleaded with him. He was more than just a costar at this point, she leaned on him for everything.

"I don't either," he sighed, he knew he already had.

"Just promise me no more, I'm begging you," she didn't want to lose him but she couldn't continue to live in such a dangerous life. She could lose everything if anyone found out.

"Ellen," he shook his head. He couldn't stop thinking about what he gotten himself into. He was either going to lose his best friend or his job and wife.

"I can pretend like this never happened," she begged him. She was always such a strong woman, she never depended on anyone, especially a man. Her father taught her to never lean on anyone but yourself.

"I can't," he had tears welling in his eyes. He had fallen in love with Ellen Pompeo and absolutely nothing could change the fact he felt for her in a way no other woman had made him feel.

She just looked at him, she had no words. If she was honest with herself, she couldn't pretend she didn't have feeling with him. It would eat her alive knowing she couldn't touch him, or feel his touch the way she had before. She watched him leave without saying another word, she felt so pulled in every direction.

"We have to, I feel so disgusted with who I became. You drive me crazy, like I'm insane when you touch me."

"How do you think I feel Ellen? I have a wife, I have a daughter."

"That's why we can't. If it means I walk away from the show, I just can't be the one to break up a marriage," she shook her head.

"Please don't. We can talk more later?" He said as a question but she knew it was a statement. She just nodded before he was off again. She sighed, throwing herself on to the bed.

"What am I doing?" She said out loud with a groan. She was stuck, her heart was telling her one thing and her head another. She needed to get away, she couldn't keep living this lie. This week was the last week of filming. She planned a trip with Chris to Venice to travel a bit during their winter break. Neither of them had family to visit, Ellen distanced herself from her family long ago and Chris just didn't like his so their holidays were spent traveling always.

Author's note; you guys are coming at me for new updates has me in a panic 😅😅 I love it but I do wanna apologize for the long wait between updates and this part being so short.  I had a lot come up in the past few months, 3 deaths in my family in a month span has just had me down recently so hopefully I get my mojo back soon. Thank you for being patient and for the comments, I love reading them 😅