Secret Affairs

Rolling in the deep

November 2007

There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally, I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare

Ellen breathed slowly as she looked in the mirror. She had mascara bleeding down her cheeks as she felt her chest still tight. She looked at the phone as the screen lit up. Under was a magazine, one she wanted to rip to shreds. She grabbed the phone looking at it. Two messaged appeared back to back.

Chris: Ellen let me explain.
Chris: Ellen please answer the phone.

Ellen threw the phone, anger filled her veins as she read the headline. Trouble in Paradise for the newlywed's? The picture was a paparazzi photo of the two of them. They were yelling at each other outside the gates of their home. The picture was a few months old but the details were new. Ellen heard her phone begin to ring again, she wanted to smash it to pieces. She had known for a few weeks now, ever since she saw the messages on his phone. She had no idea how the tabloids had found out. She couldn't bring herself to read the article. The caption said it all, she knew it was out for the world to see now. She could have forgave it, especially since she had also cheated on him but to know he had given another woman a baby when he refused with her.

"Ellen?" She heard a familiar voice from outside. It was the last thing she wanted right now. She didn't want to face him.

"What?" She called out, clearing her throat.

"It's almost time to film, can I come in?" He asked.

"Hold on," she breathed and grabbed a tissue, quickly cleaning the smeared make up from her cheeks. She took a deep breath before answering the door. She looked at him and she knew he knew.

"I guess you saw," she said almost choking on her words.

"I did," he frowned slightly. He knew she was upset, just in the look in her eyes. He couldn't hold back as he grabbed her into his arms, holding her against him. He felt her chest fall deeply as she fell into him. He pulled his hands through her hair, feeling the softness to her hair.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled into her ear as she cried into his arms.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. My publicist has already called me three times. She keeps telling me I need to make a statement but I don't even know what to say," she said through her tears.

"You have to make a choice," he said to her.

"I don't want to leave him, I know it's not what you want to hear but I do love him. It is hard," she said as she pulled away from him.

"I know you do. You married him because you love him. It's ok to take your time, it's a big decision. Whatever you chose, I'll be here," he smiled weakly at her. She replied with a small smile, she knew he meant what he said.

"Thank you," she hugged him one again, only lasting a second. She knew what she had to do. She called Shonda, telling her she had to go see her publicist. Shonda was understanding and told her to be back in a few hours so they could film some today. She went and got into her car, taking a deep breath. She called Jennifer to let her know she would be there soon.

She arrived in the office, she was nervous more than she should be. She felt this fiery feeling in her gut that she wasn't doing the right thing. She walked into the office, greeted by the receptionist and was let back into her office.

"Ellen, how's my favorite client," Jennifer smiled widely.

"Let's cut to the chase. I have to options and I need to know consequences of both," Ellen said as she sat down in the chair.

"I'm doing great, thanks for asking," Jennifer said with a smirk.

"Jen," Ellen said with a sigh.

"I know. I'm joking El, so let's just say you decide to stay with him. I have to make a statement to the tabloids on reasons and so forth. You will get a lot of backlash and such especially with the circumstances provided," she said.

"I don't want to stay. I just can't force myself. I love him but for him to do that and then side with her. No I can't," Ellen shook her head.

"Ok. I will make a statement after you file the divorce. But that needs to be soon," she said.

"I know. And it's going to be messy but it's for the best. I can't be with a man who can do that," Ellen said as she held back tears. It hurt, knowing that he lied for years to her.

"Call your lawyers and then call me back, I'll make it as easy as I can," she replied.

"Thanks, I know you will," Ellen said with a sigh. She grabbed her things and headed to her car. She wasn't prepared for the conversation she was about to have with him. She thought of all the things she was going to say and it killed her. She pulled up the drive, seeing his brand new car she had just bought him for his birthday. She resisted the urge to smash all the windows with a deep breath. She could handle this. She slowly opened the door, seeing him sitting in his usual position on the sofa.

"Ellen," he said.

"Stop. You don't get to speak," she shook her head.

"Please, just let me explain. It was an accident," he said to her.

"Oh so your dick just accidentally slipped into her and got the girl pregnant? Chris, she is barely 18," Ellen spat angrily.

"That's not what I meant. It was just a couple of times," he shook his head.

"I don't care. I'm pissed that it happened! You had everything, I gave you everything," she yelled. She felt the blood boil inside her, listening to him. She wanted to make this easy and simple but he made it so complicated.

"So you can go sleep with your costar for years but I fuck one girl and it's the end of the world?" He shouted.

"He gave me what you lacked. He treats me with respect, something you know nothing about. I want you out of my house. I'm calling the lawyers," she shouted back. She felt the jab when he spoke about Patrick to her.

"Ellen, baby please," he begged, changing his tone immediately.

"No, you need to leave. We are done," she shook her head at him.

"You are such a bitch," he murmured as he walked off.

"Yeah, well at least I didn't knock up some kid," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. She had to get back to the set and didn't have time to argue any more. That was it, her marriage was over. They hadn't even made it to a month before he fucked up. She felt a sense of relief knowing she was free. She was finally free.