Yours, Eternally

Decisions

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Zain

Wife material.

A while ago, if anyone asked me what that term meant for me, I would have immediately, and without hesitation, said Sana. But as days passed by since the break-up, I began to question if that had ever been true or not.

What is an ideal wife, in my opinion? Not someone who slaves away for me, no. For me, an ideal wife is someone I can talk out my issues with at the end of the day, someone who understands me without verbal communication, and vice versa of course. But most of all, someone who could accept me with all my flaws.

Tara had seemed surprisingly cool about my confession. I would have thought that any girl would immediately refuse to marry a guy who was in love with someone else, but Tara had heard me out. She hadn't given us an answer yet, but she didn't refuse either.

"Zain, come on, beta." Mama's voice came from outside my room. "We are getting late."

It was Tara's sister wedding today, and we were all about to head there.

I had cut my hair since getting to Pakistan, and it was cropped short now. Today I wore a black suit, complete with a black tie, and I stood in front of the mirror, adjusting it. I was just heading out when my phone started ringing, and I glanced down at the caller ID on the WhatsApp call.

Sana.

"Why the hell is she calling me now?" I muttered, surprised.

My thumb moved to slide up the green 'answer' button, but I stopped myself. Ending our relationship meant to cut off all ties. As much as I was desperate to hear her voice, I had to do the hard thing and leave her behind in my past. I just pressed the volume button to silence the ringing and pocketed by phone before heading out.

'The right thing is often the difficult thing.' I reminded myself. 

I'd met Sana through mutual friends. We had the same social circle, but we'd never met before, until three years ago at  a friend's party. We'd immediately hit it off and become quite close. She'd asked for my number and I randomly received a call from her one day, and we'd agreed to meet up for coffee. It was not a grand rom-com meet-cute, but we'd ended up falling in love.

There's no point in dwelling on the past now. I have to move on.

****

Tara wore a powder blue lehenga with silver embroidery and a beautiful dupatta with a heavy silver border. Her hair was in an up-do, with loose strands around her face. 

I dropped my gaze as I found myself looking at her for a little too long. She was beautiful, no doubt, but I was trying to do things the right way now. And looking at her, without a halal relationship between us, was not the right thing to do.

"Zain janaab." Talha Bhai slapped my back, bringing me back to earth.

*Janaab: Mister.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked. "You're standing here all by yourself, looking miserable." 

"I barely know anyone around here. What am I supposed to do?" 

"I'm here." He grinned. "Lamisa is with Mum and other ladies, and I have nothing to do either." 

I sighed, looking around. "It's stupid, but this wedding is making me think about Sana more." 

"It's natural, Bhai." He said. "But I'm proud of you. You are very strong, Ma Sha Allah!"