Beautifully Damned (A Draco Malfoy Fanfic)

Chapter 34 - Entirety

Jesinta's POV

 I'm usually the last to bed so Hermione wouldn't have realised that I didn't make it to the dorm last night. And Ginny's moved into a different room, she knows she shouldn't be in my proximity right now, smart girl. 

I go straight upstairs to shower and change my clothes, then wait around in the common room until other students start to get up. 

"You're up bright and early this morning!" Hermionie exclaims as she bounds down the stairs. 

"Sure am." I fake enthusiasm for her benefit.

"You want to come to breakfast with me? Usually I'd wait for the boys to get up but... you know, considering everything that's happened..." She trails off.

"Yeah, breakfast would be nice." 

Once in the Great Hall we sit at the very end of the Gryffindor table. Not long after, Draco and his mate Blaise arrives and sit at the end of the Slytherin table. He's clearly done this on purpose so he's in my direct eye line. 

He smirks at me and I have to look down to avoid Hermione seeing my changing expression. 

Hes the guy that every Gryffindor despises, the one that offends and belittles most of them on a daily bases and for all I know is a follower of Voldermort. But he just so happens to be the guy that gets me the most. He knows how to talk to me and understands me to a point where sometimes words arn't even needed. 

I glance over at him again, this time he isn't looking at me. I take this opportunity to study him. His hair is perfectly in place. Unlike earlier this morning when he woke me up, all messed up and slept on. It was a different side to him, one that said he's human, maybe even venerable at times. His piercing eyes are lazily looking at his plate as he decides what to eat first. He runs his hand through his once messy hair then leans the side of his face on the palm of his hand, elbow resting on the table. He senses my stare and moves only his eyes up to look at me. Giving me a look that would send me weak at the knees had I been standing. 

I like him. I like Draco Malfoy. 

But that doesn't matter. I can't allow myself to be with him, things would be too complicated.

 I know what the Gryffindors think of him and what the Slytherins think of me, if they even think of me at all. Surely now they would, I'd run out of school with him yesterday hand in hand. If that doesn't spark a healthy gossip session I don't know what will. 

It's not just that though, actually the fact that people would think its so taboo or socially prohibited would usually make me want it to do it more. But I've turned over a new leaf in my life. Draco reminds me too much of my past. The good parts, mind you. But all good things eventually come to an end, and believe me they certainly did. Allowing myself to be with him is too dangerous. For my heart. 

I feel different around him then I ever felt with Harry. Harry was safe, small feelings were exchanged. Something that was supposed to be fun and that's all, although how that ended certainly took me by surprise. 

I won't allow myself to fall any further for Draco. Of course I want to feel love and be loved, but I want a safety cushion, boundaries, walls. To protect myself from heartache. But a guy like Draco takes all of that away. 

When you fall for a guy like Draco, you love him in all his entirety. You let yourself get completely immersed by him, consumed by love and overcome by lust. To the point of feeling like you could not continue living without that person. They become your oxygen. 

Its true that's its an incredible love. I caught a glimpse of it when I was dating Jackson. But how could something like that be healthy for your well being. 

Surely it cant be. That's why I don't want it.

I can't let myself get submerged like that.