For You and maybe Me

~ > 15 < ~

~I cheated myself, 
like I knew,
I would~

"Where did George go today?" Claire asked, addressing us all. "He should have been here by now."
To my relief, he wasn't there today, I said to myself inwardly. He should have been at our meeting today so we could go over the plans for the test weeks. Nicholas was there, but George wasn't. "He just texted me that he wasn't feeling well," Isabella replied.
 "Great, so we'll go through the plans without him now," Claire then said, looking at her papers and then at me. "Elizabeth, would you be so kind and go through the plan with him alone? You two get along so well, I don't think it will be a problem."
I bit my lips to restrain myself and say that I didn't want to. If I saw George for a second, I would hit him or run away. "Yeah, sure, no problem," I mumbled, hoping it was convincing enough not to make Claire think anything wrong.
"Ehm, Claire, maybe that's not a good idea," Ava intervened. I lifted my head in her direction and looked at her in confusion. "Elizabeth still has to finish all the plans for Bahrain and Vietnam and that's a lot of work, especially because Vietnam is new. I'll take it over"
"Whatever, if that's the way it is" Claire nodded towards Ava. I looked at her too and formed a "thank you" with my lips. No one at work knew about me and George, so I wondered why Ava wanted to take this on. Did she find out?
Ava walked the last few steps out of the building with me after the conference and stopped me before I wanted to disappear completely. "I know something happened between you and George," Ava admitted. "It's none of my business, but I can see it's not good for either of you. After you slammed the door in his face, you'd think he'd almost start crying."
Crying? Seriously? He probably didn't think about crying for a second and I cried for three days straight...
"If you need someone to talk to, I'm here," Ava assured me. "You have my number"
I nodded slowly. "Thanks, Ava, I appreciate it."

Lando and I agreed to drink the coffee (or water for him). He said he had time to drive to Swindon for a few hours so I didn't have to drive back and forth. Besides, there was something else waiting for me tonight. Sarah would be coming to Swindon over the weekend to visit me, as she noticed from our last phone call that I wasn't doing so well. "Then I'll come over for a few days," she said on Wednesday and had already booked the flight tickets that evening. Meaning I had to pick her up in Birmingham tonight.

After saying goodbye to Ava, I walked a few metres away from the Williams building where Lando could pick me up. We both agreed that it was not smart to park his McLaren in the Williams car park.
"Hi," I greeted Lando with a hug when I arrived in front of his car.
"Hi," he replied. "So, met the asshole of the year today?" Lando asked.
"No, he's sick," I replied and you could hear the relief in my voice.
"He's sick in the head, we know that," Lando winked and opened the passenger door for me. "Come on, get in, I want to drink my water".
Giggling, I got into the car and hoped I would stay like this for the rest of the day. 

In the café, Lando and I were just laughing, we both always have been since we met at the party. And yes, he ordered water and I had been laughing for five minutes now. "In a café, you usually order hot drinks," I said, still laughing, holding my hand over my mouth as some of the guests were already looking at us. "Did you see the look on the waiter's face?" he asked quietly, leaning over the table a little so I could understand. "Poor guy," I chuckled, noticing that my coffee had gone cold by now. Lando drank innocently from his water and put it back on the table as he took his mobile phone out of his pocket. He was probably doing a boomerang for Instagram because I could tell by the movement. "Now come on, smile for the camera," Lando grinned, holding the camera up to my face. "No, no, no Lando," I interjected, covering my face with my arms. "Too late, now I'm going to post-"
"No, or your fans will think we're together," I interjected indignantly. "Are you serious, Lilibeth? It's only going in my close friend's story, I'm not that stupid," he teased me. "What's your name on Instagram."
"Give me your phone and I'll type it in."
"Yeah, sure you'll just put it out."
"That's not true at all," I contradicted him and it was obvious from my tone that I was lying. Lando then raised his eyebrows and looked at me penetratingly.
"@elxzxbeth," I conceded defeat.
"How unimaginative," he muttered to himself and typed it out.
"Says the one who only goes by @landonorris," I countered.
"In my defence, I'm famous, you're not," he defended himself, putting his phone on the table next to him. My phone vibrated next to me and I looked at it. "@landonorris is now following you," it said on the notification line and "@landonorris tagged you in his story".
Curious, I looked at his "masterpiece" and then looked up at him with raised eyebrows. The picture of me was completely blurred, which was no match for a photography talent. The picture still said "Having a water with a Hungarian crackhead".
"You didn't seriously call me a Hungarian crackhead?" I asked indignantly. To avoid answering me, he drank from his water and avoided my gaze. 
Challenged, I looked at him and clicked on the bar with "Add this to your story" and then wrote in my story underneath "Having a coffee with a really weird guy from Bristol 🤗"
After I finished, Lando's phone was now vibrating and he looked at it. Then he looked at me and raised his eyebrows. "That's childish."
"Says the right one"
We both started laughing loudly so we were stared at again.
We knew we had better get out of the café so we wouldn't end up being kicked out, so Lando paid (to which I wanted to protest, but shut up before we got stared at any more). Outside, in the car park, we stopped in front of Lando's McLaren to say goodbye. "Where else are we going?" he asked.
"To Birmingham, a friend is coming to visit me from Germany for the weekend," I replied. "How about you?"
"Training, meeting, ... still a lot until February" I nodded in understanding and smiled at him.
"It was nice to get to know you better, Lando. Thanks for giving me another reason to laugh," I thanked him and bit my lips. Why did that sound so wrong just now? Why did I just get such a bad feeling?
"All you can do is laugh with me, so please," he patted his shoulder proudly and I rolled my eyes. "But hey, I know we haven't known each other very long, but you're pretty cool and if you need a male person to talk to, feel free to contact me Tuesday through Saturday."
"Why not Mondays and Sundays?", I asked confused.
"Because I need my days off too," he replied and I started to giggle.
"Alright, thanks"
We both hugged - even a little too long for me - and then let go of each other. But we didn't go far apart. Our faces were dangerously close and I could feel his breathing quicken. The same thing happened to me. Fuck. What the hell is happening right now? His hand moved to a strand of hair in my face and brushed it behind my ear. Briefly, I closed my eyes and imagined it was George... Then when Lando's hand wrapped around my right cheek, I was completely lost and I opened my eyes again, realising how close we were. "Stop," I called and took a step back. My cheeks turned red and I buried my face in my hands so he wouldn't notice. 
"I'm sorry, I can, I can... I...", I stammered.
"No, I'm sorry for my mistake..."
"Lando, I can't do this," I sputtered out, ignoring him. "I have feelings for George, I can't do this... George, he..."
"I know," he interrupted me gently. "I know it's been a mistake on my part."
"It wasn't your fault," I contradicted him and exhaled deeply. Just now we both managed to break our friendship into pieces, just because of that damn moment.
"Can...can we just forget about it?", I pleaded desperately.
"Never happened," he agreed with me. I nodded and thanked him.
"So...ehm yeah, I'll see you around?"
"If not we'll write or we'll see you in Australia."
"Yes, Australia," I repeated. "See you then"
"See you then," he said goodbye.
This time I avoided hugging him as I was still embarrassed and walked away. I would like to put these thoughts out of my mind forever. I didn't want to jump from one guy to another... All I wanted was to get back into George's arms and feel his touch...

"Lilibeth," Sarah shrieked and fell into my arms at Birmingham Airport. I just laughed and hugged my best friend tightly. "So, how was your flight?" I asked curiously as I let go of her. "Great, I've been here less than 10 minutes and I love England," she replied enthusiastically. "You've just seen the airport, but now we're coming to a typical small English town".
"Ohh, please tell me you have black tea at home and then I really feel like I'm in England".
"Do I look like I don't have any?", I asked indignantly and we started laughing.
"Wait, we need a picture together," Sarah said and took out her mobile phone.
"We can do that late-"
"Nothing there, from later. I haven't seen you for a month, now come on," she contradicted me. I just shook my head and let her take a selfie of us so she was happy.
"Cool, now we can go, right?"

We took the Underground to my place in Swindon and I was glad to finally arrive home after the long day. After work, I had coffee (and water) with Lando and then I drove straight to Birmingham to pick up Sarah. Sarah and I had to lug her much too large suitcase upstairs, as we didn't have a lift here. When we got upstairs, I opened the door breathing heavily and rolled the suitcase in. "Why is it so big and heavy?", I asked her, confused. "You're only with me for the weekend!"
"Well, once I took sweets and then I was unsure about the weather," she confessed. "It's early January, which means winter. Winter means cold. And England+winter+cold just means warm clothes and no summer clothes," I explained to her. 
I just shook my head and showed Sarah my guest room where she would sleep.
"What do you want for dinner?", I asked her as we walked back into the living room together. "I have all sorts of things there to make".
"Hmm... Käsespätzle?" she asked with a smile. I glanced sideways for a moment so she wouldn't see my disappointed look. Yes, that reminded me of George because we ate it on our first (and last) date.
"Didn't we?" asked Sarah, confused.
"What about broccoli casserole? "I suggested instead. Sarah nodded, still confused, in confirmation. "Okay"
We both started to make dinner and I noticed Sarah watching me closely. I was just confused about today. Only George appears everywhere, be it at work (which is actually clear) when I meet someone and even if this almost kiss wasn't Lando's fault - or someone mentions something that reminds me of him.
I missed George, no matter how hard I tried not to, it got worse. It was hopeless, I was madly in love with this man. The last time I was in love with someone, it was easy for me to forget them. I asked him for his number at a party and then he said that he would not give the number to girls who are uninteresting like me. I didn't cry after him because he wasn't really nice to me. Yes, that's how I knew it. Any guy who saw me would throw up or avoid me, George wasn't. He looked at me and hugged me. He looked me in the eye and he smiled. He saw something in me, I saw something special in him. I felt important around him and secure and not worthless ...Now, this was all over and I would never have that feeling again. With these thoughts, I noticed how tears came up and I wiped my face quickly so that Sarah didn't notice anything.
Too late.
"Hey, honey. What's wrong?" Sarah asked worriedly when she saw my face.
"I miss him," I sobbed, tears running down my cheeks.
"Oh no, come over here," said Sarah, hugging me tightly. I hugged her and started crying in her shoulder. At that moment I was glad that I had someone to hug and hold, but I still missed that one arm the most.
"Okay, honey. Sit down, I'll make you a hot chocolate, eat on the couch, watch Netflix and forget that asshole, yeah? That's why I came to England in the first place."
"But-"
"No, sit down," ordered Sarah and pushed me to the coach.
"The name George Russell will not be mentioned over the weekend or I'll make sure of it"
Sarah went back into the kitchen and I leaned back on the couch, sniffing. In order not to concentrate completely on my howling and to distract myself, I picked up my phone and checked Instagram. Sarah uploaded the picture of us with the caption "Having my baby back for a weekend" which made me smile a bit. Accidently, I opened the story of George, where he was golfing. I kept wiping quickly so that I didn't have to look at it any further. Then suddenly my cell phone started vibrating. George called me. I quickly hung up and threw my cell phone on the couch next to me.
"What was that?" Sarah asked confused and came back to me with a cup that she gave me. "Nothing," I grumbled and thanked you for the hot chocolate.
"Like nothing?"
"George called me."
"Okay, that's enough," she said and grabbed my cell phone.
"Sarah ..."
Of course, she knew my code, after almost 10 years of friendship, she knew me way too well. "What are you doing?" I asked confused as she started typing.
"Write to George what an ass he is.", She replied angrily and typed even faster.
Then I knew this was the end.