For You and maybe Me

~ > 16 < ~

~Treat me like you did the night before~

After the weekend went by so quickly, Sarah, unfortunately, had to leave again on Sunday afternoon. We did the full programme at the weekend: On Saturday we were out and about in the city all day shopping, eating out and Sarah went to the hairdresser and once again bought far too many English sweets. But I knew they were for Vee because she and I have always had a weakness for English sweets. On Saturday evening we watched Fifty Shades of Grey because we couldn't agree on another film, but it got boring at some point and I fell asleep. On Sunday morning we didn't do much, Sarah just packed up her things and we went out for breakfast and then went to Birmingham airport.

The weekend was really nice, and it was great to see Sarah again, as it had been too long since I had seen her. Her twin sister and I have lived together for almost four years, so it's different and Sarah has been very busy with her job as an estate agent. Actually, Julia and Vee would have liked to come too, but Julia has a lot to do at work and Vee was still doing her job as a curative teacher, so she didn't have time either. But Sarah was there, luckily, this saves my days off. I didn't think about George for a minute, as Sarah told me to and after she wrote to him, he didn't dare call or write to me either. I would have liked to see what she said to him, but Sarah deleted the message from her so I couldn't read it, but he received it anyway. 
But unfortunately, I did think of one person I shouldn't think of, at least not the way I did: Lando. No, I wasn't attracted to him in any way, but I couldn't get that "almost-kiss" out of my head ever since. I was sure by now that I had almost kissed Lando, but only because I missed George so much. Yes, and I saw that as taking advantage, which made me feel bad. I wanted to call Lando and apologise again, but I didn't confess this "almost-kiss" between me and Lando to her and I honestly panicked about it too. She would probably say something like "Ah, then grab him and George is forgotten", which I didn't want! I was just at the stage where I was starting to hate George, which I personally thought was good (and Sarah too). I slowly stopped missing him and developed this hatred that I hoped I would never have to see or talk to him again. Although my job would demand this sooner or later, at the latest when the next meeting is or when we are at the test weeks in Barcelona. 
After all, he took advantage of me, and so much so that I cried myself to sleep. But now it's over! I'm certainly not going to let him get me down just because he thinks I'm one of those girls who are there to be taken advantage of. I'm Elizabeth Ward and I'm better than that. "So, should I stay another week?" Sarah asked.
"I have to work," I reminded her.
"Ah damn, all right. You have it really nice here, I'm jealous," she admitted. We just walked the last few metres to the airport, where we had to say goodbye. "Please don't tell me you want to come to England too."

"Hey, Flo's in the army, so that's not going to happen for a while," she said. Flo was Sarah's boyfriend, with whom she had been dating for three years.
"Then go to London, I've had enough of you," I teased her and winked. She just rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah alright"I squeezed her in my arms, knowing that she would then leave me for a while. Then the things with Lando came back to my mind I felt bad. On the one hand, because I took advantage of Lando a bit and on the other hand because I didn't tell Sarah. "You have to promise me that you won't let that George get to you," Sarah threatened me. I nodded in response. "He's just a work colleague from now on, don't worry," I assured her. I'm not quite over George yet, but it's coming slowly and I know I'll soon be over him.
 "Good, then I'll see you -"
"I almost kissed another guy on Friday," I suddenly blurted out, squinting my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at Sarah. But I didn't have to look at her to see the expression on her face.
"You what?" I asked, horrified, and I opened my eyes. As I expected, she looked at me piercingly and breathed in and out indignantly. "And you've been keeping this from me all weekend?"
"I didn't know how to say it," I said innocently.
"Yeah right, but crying about a guy you still have feelings for! Damn it, Lilibeth, what are you going to do now, you probably got the guys hopes up!"
"No," I contradicted her, "Lando-"
"Wait, wait." she interrupted me. "Not something Lando Norris, is it?"
"Ehm..."
"Holy shit." 
Indignantly, she looked away for a moment. "You know you're standing between two Formula 1 driver?"
"I'm not," I interjected, confused. "I've been with George, but never with Lando. Lando and I put that behind us and that was it," I explained. Sarah didn't really look at me convinced by that though. "You're lucky I have a plane to catch now, Lilibeth," she said, sounding a bit pissed. "When I get home, I want a phone call and the whole story, otherwise I'll come with Julia and Vee and then it'll really take off," she threatened me.
"Fine," I replied, squeezing her in another hug. "Have a good flight and I'll talk to you then."
"Hopefully, see you then," she said goodbye and let go of me again. Then she turned and made her way to her plane. 
On the way home, I thought it all over again. It all sounded like a bad drama and not Shakespeare. I fall in love, he uses me, I cry, he tries again, I ignore him, I hate him, I almost kiss someone else... And now? Someone else probably dies, yeah right. My plan, for now, was to put George behind me and forget all the bullshit around New Year's Eve. It wouldn't do to cry after him and get my hopes up that he wouldn't take advantage of me after all. I will now think of him as my work colleague and hope not to want to kill him when I see him. And then there's Lando. I should probably call him and apologise again. He doesn't deserve to be treated like that. Lando is a really nice and cool guy to hang out with and be friends with. As I walked the last few metres to my flat, I took my mobile phone out of my rucksack and dialled Lando's number so that I could finally put these thoughts behind me and not dwell on them any more. It didn't take long for Lando to answer the call. "Counselling is closed on Sundays, you are aware of that?"
"Happy Sunday to you too dearest Lando," I greeted him back with a grin.
"All right, I'll make an exception," he said. "What's on your mind?"
"Nothing," I lied. "I just wanted to talk to you about one thing."
"And that is..."
"To apologise to you," I replied.
"Why? Did you kill someone?" he asked, laughing.
 "Yes, I sure did," I said wryly. "No, well... I'm sorry about Friday. It was totally stupid of me. I don't want to act like a stupid person towards you."
"Ah come on, it's long forgotten," he assured me. "We're friends, aren't we?"
"I hope so"
"Well then, I told you it's forgotten. Besides, I can't give you up as a good friend. I mean we have the same sense of humour"
I chuckled briefly at that as I searched for the keys to the front door in my pocket and jammed my phone between my ear and shoulders. "True, we're both equally stupid, makes us a perfect duo" I agreed laughing, opening the door and picking up my phone again.
"#Landbeth or #Elizando?" he asked.
"Are you serious? Hashtags?", I asked, giggling. "Your fans will end up thinking #Carlando is just a side thing".
"They don't have to know, and neither does Carlos."
"Yeah right, and then-"
I interrupted myself as I arrived at my front door and saw someone standing there. "Lilibeth?" Lando asked. "Ehm... I...", I started to stutter, still looking at the person across from me. My heart started beating faster, the butterflies in my stomach almost exploding. "Sorry, but I have to call you later, Lando," I said then. "I have to do something spontaneous."
"All right, I'll see you."
"See ya"I hung up and then looked back at him. "What are you doing here, George?"
"I need to talk to you," he replied, rolling my eyes about that.
"We had this conversation once and I thought Sarah had officially scared you away," I interjected and pushed past him to the front door. "She did, her messages are creepy," he said then and I looked at him over my shoulder with raised eyebrows. "Yes, she can be though," was all I replied, "Now please go away."
"Lilibeth-"
"No," I interrupted him and turned around, "what don't you understand? It's over. You can go back to her I have no problem with that at all."
"What kind of shit are you talking about? Is that what Lando told you?"
"No, but it's clear that she's the one you want and you just used me."
"You think that?" he asked, horrified, looking at me piercingly. I didn't dare look into his eyes before, but now I did. And then I was lost again. Those beautiful eyes suddenly didn't seem to shine as they did when I could have looked at them for hours. There were circles around them and his face wasn't the same either. His hair was a mess, which I actually loved so much about his hair. His black hoodie was just perfect with it. He was too. He was perfect.
Stop it, stop it stop it!
I tried to fight my thoughts of him, those thoughts of loving him and wanting him back. He was not allowed to win. I couldn't let that happen.
"You don't really think I took advantage of you?" he asked bitterly and it almost sounded like he was about to start crying. I would have liked to hug him as he was and tell him not to cry, that I was there. But what sense would that have made? I cried for him too, and if he thinks he's faking it in front of me, then he's missed something too.
"Yes, that's what I think. And I don't want to be treated like that."
I opened the door and closed it right behind me, hoping that George would give up and leave me alone. Tears gathered in my eyes. Yes, I still loved him, yes I wanted him back, I wanted to kiss him again, to hug him, to hold him, to feel his warmth and be close to him. I missed him, I never finished with him, I couldn't do that. The tears fell down my cheeks and I pushed back the sobs so George wouldn't hear from outside. My back was against the door and I stayed there. I hoped George would leave soon so I could start crying and forget about it all and start crying again. "Lilibeth, please let me in. I miss you. Do you know how much you mean to me? I may never have made it clear to you, but... I want to do it now. You deserved an explanation of everything."
His voice was so quiet and broken that I could barely understand. But this made me weaker again. I turned and put my hand on the doorknob. If I opened the door now, I might have to listen to a lie or a crying George.