For You and maybe Me

~ > 30 < ~

~In my mind there's no sorrow
Don't you know that it's so?
There'll be no sad tomorrow
Don't you know that it's so?~

The development of this virus just made life difficult for all of us. For me, it was unbelievable that from one day to the next everything changed abruptly and in December we were still making fun of it rather than worrying about it. Countries closed their borders and many tourists no longer came home. We were lucky that we managed to get everything in time, otherwise we would have had a big problem. But actually, we got it that way too. On 23 March, the UK went into lockdown, as many other countries did. We were only allowed to leave the house to go shopping, to go to work and to do sports outside. Claire decided for those of us who work in organising that we had to work at home and only come into work for important meetings or the like, so we would be protected. At work, the mask requirement was then introduced and we have to keep our distance from each other. You can imagine that George and I were not exactly exemplary in this, because we hugged and kissed each other whenever we met at work (but only in my office so that no one saw it).
George and I used to see each other every day, he used to pick me up from Wantage and we would go to his place or mine afterwards. Then we slept at our house and it went on like that. Now we were in separate households, so the situation became complicated. But I was still busy with the cancellations from the organisers anyway.
While we were still in the process of completely rescheduling Monaco, Azerbaijan and Canada have also been postponed so far and we were expecting more to come.
But the best part was still the phone call a few hours ago telling us that Australia was now completely cancelled, as was Monaco.
Claire had already called a conference so we could discuss the details and how we would proceed.
As Ava, Jaz and I were mainly organising around the tracks, our main task was to plan everything.
Today it was my job to do everything around Australia and then check in with some of the other organisers to see what it was like there. When I was pretty much at the end of my tasks, Ava entered my office and sat down on my chair opposite me and I put on my mask.
"Who cancelled this time?", I asked, not knowing what expression was on my face. After all, she was wearing a mask too.
"Nothing yet, it's something else," she replied, "Claire."
Confused, I looked at her. Claire? Why would...
Then it suddenly became clear to me what Ava meant. We'd had this conversation before. "Something new again?", I asked cautiously.
Ava nodded slowly. "Yes and... I think something will happen sooner or later," she said. "But you have to keep that to yourself, Lilibeth," she added quickly. "If anyone finds out, I'll be out of a job but I trust you."
"I appreciate that Ava and it's safe with me no worries," I assured her. "But what do you mean 'sooner or later'?", I asked still confused.
"Well, you know... Williams, as you know, is not one of the best teams and ... something's been going around for a few days," she said, taking a deep breath before saying it. "Maybe Frank and Claire are selling Williams."
"What?" I asked a little too loudly and put my hand around my mouth, which was unnecessary, I was still wearing the mask. "That's just... No," I corrected myself. "Claire wouldn't give up Williams after all. Her father built this up himself and she wouldn't do that to give it up from the family."
"I know what you mean," Ava agreed. "But we have to be prepared. If Claire does leave... we'll hear about it from her early on. You know how Claire is."
I nodded. Everyone here liked Claire, this woman was a role model for all of us. She cared and looked after us and was not one of those normal bosses. She knew everyone by name and always noticed when someone was having a bad day.
If Claire leaves, I do not know how Williams would look like. 

The conversation with Ava stayed in my head for quite a while. I was aware of how bad William's situation was at the moment, but I also didn't want to imagine that Claire would leave us with nothing. I trusted Claire and knew she would do something, or at least try.
So I tried not to worry too much about it at home and continued to work as much as I could. Although we moved some of the work homes, Claire instructed us not to work too long, which proved difficult for me as I never looked at the clock when I was concentrating. However, I kept getting interrupted because my mobile phone started vibrating. At first, I ignored it, but after what felt like the 10th ring, I finally looked at it. My eyes widened when I saw who was writing to me the messages. Uncle Adam.

Darling, I know you're angry, but we need to talk.

We must talk as soon as possible.

You're under a lot of stress right now, I hear what's going on with you and what the virus can do.

Lilibeth?


I didn't want to answer because I was still angry with him. He didn't even dare to apologise but told me that he had to talk to me. And what? He didn't even trust me with the truth. I was still very sure that something had happened there, just not what...
So I ignored the messages and didn't want to think about writing him back even once until he apologised to me. Maybe that sounded self-indulgent of me, but he was my uncle and he knew exactly how I was. He and George, the twins and Vee were the people who knew me best and they knew what I was like. This time when the doorbell rang I snorted in annoyance. It was only on my way to the front door that I realised the bell was coming from upstairs and not downstairs, which confused me, but I opened the door anyway and was surprised to see my boyfriend in the doorway.
"Hi Honey," he greeted me and kissed me.
"Hi," I replied confused and pulled him right in to close the door behind us. "You know we're in a lockdown and we're not supposed to meet," I interjected as he sat down on the couch.
"We make out in your office too, so does it make a difference if we do it at your house or there?" he asked with raised eyebrows.
I shook my head and dropped down next to him on the couch. He pulled me to him so that I rested my head on his chest and my arm rested on his torso. "Besides, I know you miss me."
"Hmm, you're right," I admitted, closing my eyes for a moment to forget all the stress around me, to forget my thoughts about Uncle Adam and that all I could hear was George's heartbeat.
"What's wrong, baby?" he asked gently, stroking my hair.
"I'm just tired of everything," I replied, still keeping my eyes closed.
"From work?"
"Yes. And ... I don't know," I said, lifting my head. "Uncle Adam wrote to me," I added.
He nodded slowly and brushed my hair out of my face while I managed to lose myself in his eyes again. They sparkled so beautifully again, the way it always loved. I slowly leaned in and gave him a soft kiss while I gently cupped his face and closed my eyes again. I would love to stay lost forever, in his arms, in the kisses and with him. But I knew that this was not possible right now, there was no room for it in my head. I gently let go of George and put my head back on his chest. "Why did you come here?" I asked confusedly as I turned my head to his face.
"Well, I wanted to see you, but we need to talk too. Or I want to ask you something."
"And that would be?"
He straightened up slightly so that I slid with him but kept my head on him. "Well... I've been thinking about this for a while and I wasn't going to ask you for another six months or so but alright." he started and collected himself first.
I waited anxiously to hear what he was going to ask. There wasn't much we could do at the moment, so it couldn't be anything big. "We've been together for almost four months now and... you know that you are the best thing that has happened to me in my life? I love you Lilibeth"
I lifted my head and raised my eyebrows, unable to stop myself from laughing.
"Now spit it out, damn it. It sounds like you're going to propose to me," I laughed.
He screwed up his face. "You'll have to wait a few more years for that," he said and I screwed up my face this time.
"But actually... Ah, fuck it. Do you want to move in with me?" he asked. I let out a laugh when I heard the question come out of his mouth.

Was that what he wanted?!

"You seriously want to hear my singing every morning?", I asked.
He shrugged his shoulders. "To be honest, I've missed it since we've been on lockdown and I don't hear your singing anymore," he confessed and started to smile.
"You don't," I contradicted him, realising he was taking the piss.
"No, I'm not," he confessed, shaking his head.
"But what I miss is you," he continued. "I mean, what's wrong with that? We'll be together in the hotels anyway - if the races happen again sometime - and we're always with each other anyway. Would that make much difference? Besides, I can't stand not being able to wake up next to you because of this virus anymore. Then we'd be in one household and we wouldn't have to deal with it."
I couldn't help but start smiling at those words. How did I deserve him as my friend? How did I manage to call this sweet moron my boyfriend? And why does he have to be so sweet and melt my heart every time?
"I miss you next to me every time too," I confessed and leaned towards him again. But briefly, I stopped.
Would it be a good idea? I mean George was right, we loved each other and always got along well, even if we sat on top of each other in a hotel for days without killing each other. And we were both in this kind of relationship where we both bullied each other, so what could go wrong.
"I'd like to move in with you," I replied and started to grin, which he did too. "But... I'll probably move in with you?"
"I don't care, we can stay in Swindon if you like it here so much"
"I love it here, but Oxford is much nicer and I love being at your house," I admitted.
"Then you'll move in with me," he announced with a smile and hugged me to him.
 Laughing, I wrapped my arms around his body and snuggled up to him.
"I can't believe I officially signed for my death. Now I really will always hear your singing," he laughed.
"Well, that's too bad. Now you have to go through it," I joked with a grin and put our lips together again. He returned the kiss gently and pulled me even closer to him so that I was already lying on top of him and my insides began to tingle.
However, we were both disturbed by the vibrating of my mobile phone, so I breathed an annoyed sigh of relief and reached for it on the couch table.

Uncle Adam: Lilibeth, it's urgent.

I shook my head, turned off my phone before putting it back and turning back to George.
"I love you," I murmured, pulling him back to his face for a kiss.
He made me cry out briefly as he grabbed me by the hips and laid me on the bed.
Grinning, he lay over me and gave me another kiss.
"I love you too," he replied, kissing me with more passion this time.