Yours truly ; Charlie Weasley

Thirteen

Dear Charlie,

A few weeks has passed since I found you unannounced in our loft. No, my loft. It's mine. You have your home in Romania so I really don't see why you felt the need to come home.

Were you trying to get to me? To see me break? To see me beg because I'm so pathetic and can't live without you?

I miss you, okay? I wish I didn't, I wish I could tell you that I didn't and I truly wish I didn't miss you but how can I not? I had no idea how you felt. I didn't know you felt I was making it worse. I just wanted to help, and I was trying my best. I miss seeing your face every day. I miss just being with you and it's killing me that I'm not.

Every single morning, even after five months, I wake up and I'm sad and almost disgusted to not have you next to me. That's what you did to me, Charles. You made me love you and then you just left. I thought we were a couple of years away from getting married, because on the good days of your grief, we would discuss it and you sounded so excited. 

I guess you weren't.

How long were you planning it? How long had you known you were gonna leave me or break my heart? Was it your way to get back at me for making the grief worse for you? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you're such a big piece of shit who doesn't think twice about who he's hurting by leaving. I'm sorry that you didn't look at anyone but yourself. I was fucking pregnant, Charlie and if you had noticed me, you would've known. I was throwing up almost every morning, I was craving pumpkin juice even though I've always hated pumpkin juice. I was always telling you how bad my back or my boobs were aching.

What did you tell me? To use episkey to remove the pain.

You paid attention to nothing but your own needs and I get that you were grieving but so was I. Just because I was able to get out of bed in the morning, didn't mean I was actually okay. We could've grieved together, we could've been there for each other but instead I was there for you while you laid there all day.

Fuck you.

Ember Coil.

-

"Happy nineteenth birthday to Ames!" My dad said and lifted his glass into the air, the rest of us following.

Amethyst is taking her last year at Hogwarts, seeing as hers was ruined by the battle, so she can't be here just like Brazier and Romany can't but we're still celebrating her. We've always done that.

If the birthday child is at Hogwarts, the ones who's at home will celebrate with a cake and everything.

My little sister was nineteen today, on May 21st of 1999.

At the end of August, I'd turn twenty-six. It would be the first birthday without Charlie I turned twelve. It was scary to be approaching the birthdays.

Charlie himself left me right before his twenty-sixth birthday. Two days before, actually. I still have this present wrapped up somewhere in the loft.

I just never had the opportunity to give it to him. I took a sip of the wine in my glass, then sat back down in my chair along with everyone else. I crossed one knee over the other, and while everyone else had put their glass down, I quickly downed the wine in mine before pouring more into it.

"Maybe you should hold back on the liquor." Crispus whispered to me. "I know you're struggling right now but don't get drunk when we're celebrating our sister."

"Amethyst is not even here." I told him, loud enough our sisters to hear but my parents were deep in conversation about the door of the basement being broken and needing a flick of a wand. "So can you please just let me drink what I want to drink?"

The way my speech was already slurred and my mind racing, had me thinking I was already a little tipsy. I didn't exactly know how much I had had to drink, but definitely more than four glasses of wine.

"Give me the glass, Ember." Crispus said, holding out his hand. I looked into his eyes as I downed the liquor in the glass, then handed it to him.

"There you go you boring sack of potatoes."

Suddenly the mood changed and Crispus along with my three sisters broke into a loud laughter because of my comment. Avalon's husband just sat there, watching it while shaking his head softly, a small smile playing on his lips while Crispus' wife was picking up her own glass of wine to take a sip.

"What're you four laughing about?" mum asked as her and dad stopped talking. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing's funny." I answered. "Your kids are being mean and I'm leaving to use the loo."

I don't know why I felt like announcing my need to use the toilet, but I pushed my chair back as I stood up, then pulled it back under the table before leaving the room, my siblings still laughing their asses off. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind me.

I placed my hands on the edge of the sink and as soon as I looked at myself in the mirror, a sob came from my mouth, though I quickly took a deep breath to gain control of my feelings. My red hair was a slight mess from running my hands through it all night. My hair was one of the things that reminded me of Charlie, another thing being my freckles. We were so similar both on looks and personality, though I would never have left him.

I can't look at myself or even my family without thinking about him. He's everywhere. I can't get rid of him. I see red hair and I see his red hair. I see freckles and I see his freckles. Back when he had long hair and wore it in a low ponytail, I'd pull it sometimes just to annoy him. That's why I never wore a ponytail myself because I was scared he'd get revenge. Then he cut his hair short but then I started playing with it much more than I usual did.

I missed that.

Missed him.

I hated that I did but how was I not going to miss him? We've been dating since I was seventeen and he was eighteen and now we're both closer to thirty than we are twenty.

I wish he would come home for good. I wished he would come home and cuddle me and tell me he was sorry. Hopefully have a good reason too. Tell me he'd never leave me again and just kiss me over and over again until I'd fall asleep in his arms.

I studied my face in the mirror. I had managed to gain control of my emotions. I hadn't let myself cry. It was one sob so I didn't look like I had been crying.

Good.

I walked back out to my family who were eating cake while talking about memories we've had within the family. Mahlon and Carrie were a part of it too. They've been in our families for a very long time.

Avalon and Mahlon were in the same year in Hogwarts and have been dating since they were fourteen years old. That's fourteen years.

Crispus met Carrie in their last year. My brother is a year older but he's born on September 1st so he had to wait an entire year to start at Hogwarts, meaning he ended up in Carrie's year. He was a Gryffindor and she's a Hufflepuff so their paths never really crossed until one day in their seventh year when they got detention together.

"We didn't mean anything bad with it, you know that, right?" Crispus whispered as he leaned closer to me. "But it was quite funny – calling me a boring sack of potatoes."

I shrugged and grabbed his glass of wine, downing it all. I put the glass back on the table, then looked at my older brother who watched me with a raised eyebrow.

"Are you doing alright?" he asked me. "You almost seem as sad as in December right after Charlie left you."

"He came back." I informed him. "A couple of weeks ago. Was in the loft when I decided to move back in but uh– he left again without an explanation."

-

Next chapter = uh-oh