Jizzie | Hand on Heart

Chapter 34 | Backwards?

*one day earlier*

I sit on the chair, flinching as the door slams.

I refuse to make eye contact, opting to tracing the patterns in the carpet instead.

"Are you INSANE."

Now I look up, "insane? I don't know, HOW WOULD YOU ACT IF YOU WERE BEING HUNTED BY THE MEN WHO KILLED YOUR FATHER."

He ignores me as if I'd never spoken, "you run off to another country. You collapse and end up in hospital. You jump out of a moving vehicle. You run off with some guy you don't even know. You spend the afternoon in a graveyard. And now you're gallivanting around with the same guy, who you know NOTHING about."

"It wasn't a moving vehicle, it stopped, then I jumped out."

"Oh yes that makes me feel so much better."

I roll my eyes, "Joel I don't know what you want from me here."

"I want you to think, this entire situation is difficult enough without you acting out like this."

I stand up, hands crossed, "acting out? How am I acting out?! I'm dealing with this, the best way I can, I'm sorry if I can't get it right all the time but I don't know what I'm supposed to do?! I have no one to hold my hand and catch me if I fall, IF I DON'T FIGURE THIS OUT PEOPLE COULD DIE HERE."

"I know?! But I seriously don't think you can trust this guy."

I struggle to keep my voice level, "well I don't think I asked for your opinion."

Joel raises an eyebrow, "well here it is: Sebastian looks like trouble. What sane guy would offer to help a girl who's on the run from murderers who he doesn't even know."

"Someone who has COMPASSION."

"Or A DEATH WISH."

I take a deep breathe, " I'm a big girl Joel, contrary to what you appear to believe, I've been feeding myself for a good few years now, I think I'm old enough to think for myself now."

"Well clearly not."

"You know what. NO." I stride up to him, "you don't get to dictate who I choose to spend time with. You don't get to get all jealous when we aren't even TOGETHER."

"And WHO'S FAULT IS THAT."

"I'VE SAID SORRY MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME HUH? A BLOOD PACT." I yell right back at him.

"MAYBE THINK. FOR ONCE JUST THINK THINGS THROUGH."

"THINK THINGS THROUGH. THINK THINGS THROUGH." I pause, "okay, I've thought something through. YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE."

"I'd rather be an asshole than someone stupid enough to trust this guy."

"YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN MET HIM."

"I DON'T NEED TO." Joel's eyes are flashing, and we're practically nose to nose at this point.

"STOP TRYING TO CONTROL ME." I scream.

Neither of us say anything, there are mere centimetres between us, and in our rage we squared right up to each other.

After a moment of tension, the anger wanes and I find myself falling.

As I stare into his eyes all the emotions rush back to me, before I can make the mistake, he does it first.

Centimetres become inches as he leans forward, and his lips press to mine.

I'm still seething with anger, yet I make no move to stop it.

Maybe it was the time spent apart, maybe it was a desperate attempt to end an argument neither of us wanted to have, or maybe it was to prevent the outcome we both knew was coming.

Rationality takes over me, and I push him off, turning away.

Tears stream down my face, I'm still so angry, yet I can't stop the tears.

My phone dings, and I down to see a message from Seb, asking if I feel like Chinese food for dinner.

Joel looks over my shoulder and I hear him make a disapproving scoff.

"Oh pull your head of your ass." I snap at him, texting Seb back.

"Pull your head out of Sebastian."

"Jesus Christ Joel." I spit out.

He shows no remorse for his crude comment, "only making an observation."

"Well here's my observation. That WHOLE thing, was a mistake."

"That 'whole thing' WAS A KISS."

"Thank you captain obvious. And may I point out, YOU INSTIGATED IT."

"You didn't exactly make a move to stop it."

"I PUSHED YOU AWAY."

"Not for a solid few seconds."

I roll my eyes, wanting to punch him more than anything at that moment, "IT. WAS. A. MISTAKE."

"And I'm starting to think that me coming here was also a mistake."

"MAYBE IT WAS. Just stop trying to control me! I'm not your puppet, I'm not your PET. I can make my own decisions and I don't need your judgement."

"I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU."

"IF I WANTED YOUR HELP ID ASK FOR IT."

"YOU NEEDED MY HELP WHEN YOU MOVED HERE AND YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR HELP."

"JESUS CHRIST LET IT GO I CAN'T SAY SORRY ANYMORE TIMES."

You would never believe we were kissing not one minute ago.

"THEN MEAN IT."

"I DO?!"

Joel looks outraged, his fists balled up and eyebrows knitted together.

"If you meant it THEN MAYBE YOU'D LISTEN TO ME."

"NO! You don't get to dictate what I do by manipulating me."

"IM TRYING TO HELP."

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU THAT I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.

"FINE. Since you're little miss independent. Figure it out on your own."

"I WILL."

"I'm leaving. And not just this motel. I'm going back home." Joel drops his gaze to the floor.

"FINE." I yell at him, so angry I can't control my emotions.

We both fall silent for a few moments.

"Tell Jessie that she needs to go back with you."

Joel looks up at me, a strange look on his face.

"I need to do this. By myself."

"Don't come crying to me when it goes to sh*t."

I'm slightly taken back by his harsh tone, "wouldn't dream of it."

And with that, I storm out.