Jizzie | Hand on Heart

Chapter 29 | Deep breathes?

Joel's POV

My sister

My sister

The very same sister that had been ignoring my calls since the mishap.

Mishap?

No, it wasn't a mishap.

It was one more lie that I hadn't been privy to.

I had to believe that Lizzie didn't know, because knowing that she'd lied even more would break me.

I didn't know what she may or may not know, or even whether I believed myself about whether she knew or not.

The whole ordeal was making my head spin.

I flopped onto the bed besides Oli, staring up at the ceiling.

"You okay?" He asks, placing his phone down besides him.

"Ask me that in four hours." I groan, intent on taking a nap.

"This whole things a bit of a shitstorm isn't it."

"That's an under exaggeration, this whole thing is a massive shit bomb that's yet to blow up, slowly ticking down until it finally drops and boom, shit to the wall."

Oli laughs dryly, picking up his phone.

His laughter stops abruptly, replaced with a shocking silence.

"Dude what's wrong?" I ask from my stagnant position.

I get no answer, so sit up.

The quick movement hurts my head but I ignore it.

"Dude?" I repeat, looking over his shoulder.

He snatches his phone away, excusing himself to go outside.

Weird?

I sit, unsure of what to do on the bed, weighing my options.

Should I follow him?
It seemed pretty serious.
What if he needed help.
But surely if he did he'd ask me?
Maybe it's not that important.
But why would he excuse himself then?

Maybe I should stay here?
But what if he does need me.
If he did he should've spoken to me.
But maybe he doesn't.

I come to no conclusive decision when he walks back in, taking one look at me and tossing me a packet of Tylenol.

"What the hell is this."

"Like paracetamol."

"When on earth did you buy these."

"On the rest stop, with the rest of the sensible supplies, while you moped and bought sour patch kids."

Oh I love sour patch kids.

"What was that about?" I gesture to the door before attempting to dry swallow the pills.

To no avail as I start choking.

Oli slaps me on the back and I raise my hand in thanks, which he places a bottle of water in.

I take them sensibly this time, waiting a second to make sure I'd swallowed them, taking another gulp of water and a few sour patch kids for good measure.

"So, now, what was that phone call about."

"Lizzie."

He cuts straight to the point, not bothering to mentally prepare me for the wrecking ball about to crash through my heart.

Maybe I didn't swallow the pills properly again, my throat feels dry and I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack.

"She's in the hospital."

That does it.

I start choking on air, my breathe notched in my throat and I gasp for breathe, feeling the air thin around me.

Oli looks massively concerned, but I sip more water and motioning him to continue.

"She collapsed, Jessie didn't give me anymore information." He trailed off.

"Spit it out panda boy." I choke out, holding my throat.

"And the address for the hospital."

All inability to breathe is put aside as I practically run out the hotel room, before realising I didn't know which hospital.

Walking back in, I ask Oli for the address before frantically running to the car.

Oli texts me that he'll get a cab so he can lock up and call Maddie for some insurance, as I sit in the car, jabbing the key into the slot desperately as it refuses to fit.

I force myself to calm down, stopping to allow my hands to stop shaking before finally getting the car started.

I slammed my foot down on the pedal a bit too hard, lurching forwards until I get in control and pull out of the car park.

Punching the address into the satnav, the speed limits allow me to calm down, think this through.

Every traffic light felt four times as long and people seemed to be driving especially slow today.

When I eventually get to the hospital I have to take yet another minute to calm myself, restraining the urge to barrel down the corridors until I find her.

Two minutes and fifty seven seconds later I'm no calmer, my head still spinning despite the Tylenol, and my heart pounding so loud it's only furthering the headache.

A knock on the window makes me jump, and I wind it down to see Oli, who then gets in the car.

I let the window back up, turning back to him, my breathing still erratic.

"Calm down." He says quietly, placing a hand on mine.

The rising panic doesn't seem to want to listen.

"We don't know what's happened yet, so don't work yourself up."

Breathe in. Breathe out.

"Don't panic over what ifs."

In. Out. In. Out.

"You never know.."

He trails off but I know he won't say it.

What if she doesn't want to see me

The sadness that stems from that question calms me in a twisted way.

Better put, it replaces the anxiety.

I take a few more deep breathes before we go inside, talking to the receptionist.

I get impatient and leave Oli to sort it out, wandering down the corridor until I see Jessie stepping out of one.

I don't want her to see me, not just yet, so I stand off to the side.

Without thinking this decision through, I take a few steps forwards, placing one hand on the door.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

My hand starts to shake so I reprimand my mind, forcing myself to be calm.

I decide that thinking about this is only going to make it worse, so instead of focusing on it, I make a split decision.

I take one last deep breathe.

And push open the door