Jizzie | Hand on Heart

Chapter 14 | Losing it all?

I get home just before 9, feeling drained, yet the conversation with Jessie had made the weight on my chest lighter, I finally felt confident about what I'm going to do.

I dump my bag by the door.

I immediately notice that something is wrong when I'm not greeted by Meri's barking.

Slowly making my way into the kitchen, I see Joel sitting on the sofa, the laptop on the coffee table, his head in his hands.

"Joel, honey, what's wrong."

His lifts his head, his face a mask of confusion, fear and anger.

I sit down and get a glimpse of what is on the screen.

All the air is sucked out of my lungs, and my stomach feels even more empty.

I'm staring straight at Charlotte's face.

"I called your Mum." He starts, his voice shaking.

I can't respond, I'm frozen.

"You mentioned your 'cousin' so I wanted to add her to the guest list. Your mum said you didn't have a cousin. So I described her. She froze, and sounded like she was crying, and murmured Charlotte. Then the line went dead. I was confused, so I went to look it up on the laptop and this folder was up."

My breathing started to speed up, my eyes watering.

"You lied to me. About everything. About your dad, your stepdad. Your past?! Leah wasn't just some random bully. You killed her family."

I'm full blown sobbing.

Joels eyes are dead, he won't look at me.

"Your dad was some drug dealer who owed a debt. He killed himself. Whoever he owed it to killed your best friend. Then you killed Leah's family with your friends."

Hearing him say it feels like a bullet straight to the hear.

I grab his hands, desperate for him to listen to me, tears streaming down my face, "Joel it was an. accident, you have to believe me, that stupid lighter. It was never meant to happen." I get off the sofa and kneel in front of him so he's looking me in the eyes, "Joel please." He looks away, pulling his hands back.

"When Charlotte died, everything was crumbling. We didn't know what to do or feel or say to each other. Alana was smoking and I got mad and threw her lighter. It was an accident."

I can't say anything else, I can't stop crying.

"Is everything you've ever told me a lie."

"No! I promise Joel believe me."

"Why didn't you tell me. You lied to my face so many times." Joel is crying now.

"I didn't want you to think I'm a murderer, I didn't want you to see me differently."

Joel walks away from me, leaving to fall.

"Well. Now I do see you differently. But not because of that. But because you lied to me, for so long. You aren't who I thought you were."

"I was going to tell you Joel I promise, I'm so sorry."

"When were you going to tell me? Huh? And you aren't sorry that you lied, you're sorry I found out." He turns to me, "It's over."

I feel my entire world crumbling as he walks out the door, slamming it behind him.

I curl up into a ball, sobbing.

An hour later I'm in the same position when I hear the door open.

I ran out of tears 40minutes ago, but I couldn't bring myself to move.

My heart soars as I think it's Joel, but it drops like an anchor so forcefully I gasp as I hear Jessie call me.

"Lizzie?? I called you but your phone must be off" she calls from the hall.

I heard my phone ring loud and clear six times, but I let it ring out, not having the energy to answer.

Jessie walks in, sees me and drops everything that she's holding.

She pulls me up onto the sofa and I rest my head in her lap, a fresh wave of tears pouring out.

"Shh it's all right." She strokes my hair and lets me weep.

When I run out of tears again and sniffle.

"Tell me what happened."

I hiccup and explain it to her, only crying twice more during the story.

"Lizzie I'm sorry honey." Jessie sighs, "I'm so sorry."

I know she's holding something back, "spit it out."

She chews her lip, "Lizzie you knew he would find out eventually, what did you think would happen."

"I don't know." I hiccup again.

"You must have thought of the outcome." She says reluctantly.

"I don't know." I start sobbing again.

"So he knows everything?"

I nod feebly, then hesitate, "except, I don't think he has clocked who Alana, Aaliyah and Sapphire are."

"You'll need to tell him that."

"Yeah if he ever talks to me again." I try desperately not to cry again.

"But Lizzie, you need to put what happened behind you, i'm not saying to forget, i'm saying you need closure."

I sit up slightly, "what do you mean."

"These guys aren't going to give up until you pay back whatever is owed. And you don't even know what it is! You need to find that out before you do anything else."

"But what about Joel."

"Joel is going to need time, and while he adjusts and figures out what he's going to do, you're- i mean, we are going to fix this."

I wipe my face and sit up, "okay."

Jessie helps me stand up and we sit at the table on my laptop, trying to find anything on my dad or Marcus but come up empty handed.

I run a hand through my messy hair and rub my red puffy eyes.

"This is useless." I bang my head on the table, "Joel is never going to forgive me."

"Hey, no. We'll fix this."

Jessie keeps clicking, and for what feels like three hours later, she straightens up and tilts her laptop towards me.

I'm looking at a poorly made webpage for the job my dad had lied that he had.

"Wellington Bank." I read, "thats the bank my dad said he was an accountant for."

Jessie opens a new tab and types it in, "it is an actual bank," she scans the page, "but the head office address and phone numbers are different!"

She types the address in the browser and an abandoned looking warehouse comes up.

"Thats our new lead." She grins, and prints it out.

Maybe this will take my mind off... everything.