Jizzie | Hand on Heart

Chapter 11 | Bringing it back?

"Mum we have to leave."

"Honey what are you talking about."

Her eyes were dull, the stars that used to glint in her eyes were gone, they went so quickly that it was like they were never there.

My mother was so strong, my dad has killed him self a month ago.

When I told her, she was cooking dinner.

Maddie was sitting on the counter eating a carrot.

The suicide had actually happened two days ago, but my mum has only for home this morning.

"Hi Beth how was your day?" She said, a wide smile on her face.

It was killing me knowing that I wouldn't see that smile for a while.

I wanted nothing more than continue the lie that he had to go into work last minute.

"Good."

I needed to keep my words short, so I could choke back the tears.

But my mother being as analytical as she was knew something was wrong immediately.

"What's wrong honey."

Maddie was still crunching on her carrot.

"It's dad."

My breath hitched and I felt like the air around me was closing in.

"Are you missing him? Oh Beth it's okay."

She engulfed me in a hug, stroking my hair.

I knew she could never even fathom what was really happening, but it was so comforting just being able to cry.

I hadn't cried since that day.

I hadn't let myself cry since that day.

"Mum you don't understand." I stutter pulling away.

"Then tell me moroso" she whispered, her voice calm and soothing.

Maddie gives me a look, of pure confusion and worry.

She knows I don't cry.

"Dad is-" my voice catches.

"Dad is what sweetheart, you can tell me." Mum prompts.

"Dads dead."

Maddie is so shocked that she bites down too hard on the carrot and cuts her tongue.

Nobody moves, except for Maddie wiping the blood off her lip.

Mum steps back, resting her hands on the counter and massaging her forehead.

"Beth what are you talking about." Maddie says sternly, anger and shock in her tone.

"Dad overdosed, he's gone." I deadpan, not wanting to say anymore.

Maddie slides off the counter and stares around blankly, then she turns and rams her foot into the counter.

She's lashing out, she doesn't know how else to react.

I can tell it hurt her, but she doesn't say anything, instead she storms upstairs and slams the door to her room.

"Beth what are you talking about." My mum heaves.

I know she believes me, her whole demeanour is taut, and her breathing is heavy.

She knows, she doesn't know how or why, but she knows.

"I found him dead two days ago." Tears are still pouring down my face, "Marcus took care of it for me, I couldn't bring myself to tell you."