Jizzie | Hand on Heart

Chapter 13 | Thoughts?

I needed to tell Joel.

I refused to make the same mistake my father made, thinking that the best way to protect someone was by keeping them in the dark.

I was not going to loose him like I lost Charlotte, and slowly, like I lost everyone else who meant something to me.

I'd built up a life for myself here, and I don't think I could watch someone tear it all down with a maniacal smile.

Jessie and the girls, were the only people who knew.

I'd essentially lied to my now fiancé for our entire relationship.

And I had always known it would come back to bite me in the ass.

Here it was, with a pitchfork and torch, all ready to watch my life go up in flames.

I grabbed a piece of paper and decided to draw out a plan.

Carefully concocted, and meticulously planned.

Step One
Think of a carefully concocted and meticulously planned plan.

I was so screwed.

Wringing my fingers together I rest my head back on the sofa.

The clock read 5AM, Joel wouldn't be up for at least three hours.

I finally decided to take a walk, hoping the morning air would clear my head.

Meri needed a walk anyway.

She bounced around excitedly when I came over, and I had to quickly clip her lead and get her out the door before she barked.

The street was deserted, no cars were out, let alone people.

I really wanted to call Marcus.

I thought I knew what I needed to do.

But it wasn't as simple or easy as I thought it was.

How do I tell my fiancé, who has been completely open and trusting with me, that everything I told him about my past was a lie.

That I wasn't a transfer student from America, and that I hadn't known Leah or the other girls before I came here.

I thanked my lucky stars Leah hadn't told him my secret.

Thinking about it, I hadn't seen Leah in a while.

But the summer break was almost over, and then, it was senior year.

So on top of everything, we now had exams.

Important exams.

I really needed a plan.

I thought, when Marcus told me, that I could just tell him.

But I spent the night tossing and turning, idea after idea.

Until I realised, there was no real 'good' way to say it.

My past was messy, and dangerous.

Six people died.

Well, I thought six people died.

Marcus is still alive somehow, so it's five.

I don't know what to believe anymore.

All I can do is tell him and hope he takes it okay.

I don't deserve it really, he should throw a glass of water in my face and storm out.

What happens to Meri and Buddy?!