I Have Loved You Wrong [Ruin & Lily]

Kabanata 20

I did not know which was more heartbreaking—hearing Mama’s sniffs and cries or Papa’s frustrated and worried sighs.

Kuya Ruin’s whereabouts were all I could think of while walking to my room. The last I checked, he was in New York. It said on the location of all his Instagram posts before that he was there. But then again, it was almost two years ago. Dahil simula noong mapagod at magsawa akong maghintay sa mga reply niya ay hindi ko na ulit binuksan pa ang Instagram niya.

Nasaan na ba siya ngayon?

Okay lang ba siya?

Binuksan ko ang natatanging app na mayroon siya para alamin kung saan siya maaaring naroon ngayon. He deleted his Facebook and Messenger a long time ago and Instagram was the only one left he had, and I felt like I knew why. He had discovered a newfound passion in photography, showcasing his talent through captivating snapshots on his feed. Liban doon sa mga posts niya na may mga babaeng kahalikan siya na hindi ko na mahanap pa at mukhang binura na niya, the rest of the photos were all aesthetically pleasing, looking like they were taken by a professional photographer. But among them, those featuring his cat stood out and my favorite.

Unang tumambad sa akin ‘yong isang picture kung saan tila nasa isang coffee shop siya at kaka-post lang mga kalahating oras ang nakalilipas. He wasn’t on the picture, though. The post was a half-empty coffee cup on the table in front of him, a napkin, and a pen, no word caption and only eyes emojis, tila ba nagsasabing nagmamasid siya, which really did not make sense. Dahil anong konek noong mga mata sa tasa ng kape? Ang tanging nahagip lang sa picture ay iyong mahahaba niyang mga binti at iyong suot niyang white Nike Air shoes. I tried looking closely at the picture, hoping I could find hints of where he probably was, but it was just so hard to tell. Wala rin siyang location na inilagay.

Ugh!

Nasaan ka na ba talaga ngayon, Kuya?

I went to Direct Messages and type another message to him even though I knew that it was just a waste of time, dahil hindi naman siya nagre-reply. Hindi ko alam kung sinasadya ba niyang hindi sumagot o wala siyang oras para buksan ang mga ito. But I would still try my luck. Kasi, hindi ba siya nakokonsensya na nagsinungaling siya kina Papa at Mama? Na pinag-aalala niya ang mga magulang namin?

    lilyianthe: Where are you?

    You weren’t in Harvard! Mama and Papa called the school and they said you are not enrolled there! You lied to them! Mama is crying right now! Papa is dying of worries!

    Kuya! Ano ba! Are you still going to ignore this message?

I almost threw my phone out of frustrations. Dumapa ako sa kama at saka isinubsob ang mukha sa unan, inuntog-untog ang ulo roon habang nanggigigil nang sobra sa kaniya. How more stubborn could he be? How about his studies? Saan siya kumukuha ng pangkain niya? Maayos lang ba ang tinitirhan niya?