I Have Loved You Wrong [Ruin & Lily]

Kabanata 24

Kuya Ruin had a mouth made for sin, and I was a sinner for him.

When he brushed his lips to me again, I opened for him without hesitations this time and kissed him just as starved as he was for me—all the shreds of restraint now gone in my body. His tongue surged into my mouth in a deep, unrepentant claim and I tipped my head back to give him more access to my lips, my hands closing and locking around his nape, my whole body aching for his touch. And everything at once, all my darkest, shameless fantasies about him that I had been carefully hiding and caging in a tight lock surged free, overtaking like a tidal wave and it was now drowning me.

If I would be honest enough, I would admit I was obsessed, so crazily in love with him. At hindi na niya kailangan pang magtanong sa akin dahil walang pag-aalinlangan akong sasama sa kaniya roon sa impyerno na tinutukoy niya. If hell was where we belonged, then I was ready to be burned there with him. Because what was the sense of loving if it was not going to burn and eat you alive, right? Love was supposed to be intense, crazy, and fierce, otherwise it was pointless.

Dear God, I was completely out of my mind! Completely at his mercy!

Tumikdi ako, mas humawak sa leeg niya para abutin pa siya at mas mahalikan ngunit bumaba at humigpit ang hawak niya sa baywang ko, ipinipirmi ako sa puwesto ko.

Panting and growling like a wild beast, he slightly pulled away.

“Slowly, muffin. We will take everything slow from now on,” aniya.

“B-but I want this, Kuya,” sabi ko, completely intoxicated with him, me now under his spell.

Natatawang inabot niya ang mga pisngi ko at gamit ang kaniyang mga hinlalaking daliri ay pinunasan niya ang mga luha ko.

“You have no idea how much I also wanted this, how long I waited for this, what I have to endure, Lily. Weeks of self-denial, of forcing myself that it will no longer work, of telling myself that it’s time to move on from you is not easy,” he said, gently caressing my cheeks with the pad of his thumbs.

Napanguso ako sa sinabi niya.

“You have Cindy and a lot of girls before her! You are fucking them in case you are forgetting!” I bitterly told him.

“Would you rather it be you I fuck, hmm?” he boldly asked.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko, napanganga, at napahugot ng malalim na hininga sa sinabi niya.

Of course not! Even my darkest and deepest desires didn’t include that thing! I meant it in another way! Hindi pa ako handa sa bagay na iyon! Bata pa ako para doon! And doing that thing with him was such an absurd thought!