I Have Loved You Wrong [Ruin & Lily]

Simula

Simula
Lily Ianthe Figuerroa

“Lily, honey, can you get the toolbox for me?”

Napalingon ako sa lalaking natagpuan kong nakangiting nakasilip sa akin mula sa ilalim ng kaniyang sasakyan habang may inaayos sa makina noon.

“Sure thing, Pops!” I replied right away as I stood from my seat and as I closed the magazine I was holding.

“Pops,” Daddy muttered.

Biglang nanlamig at natigilan ako. The word was out of my mouth before I could stop to think it through. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa, parehong nabigla sa sinambit ko.

Pops. You called him Pops, Lily Ianthe! Again and again! Kailan ka ba masasanay, ha? Daddy! You should be calling your father Daddy not Pops!

Daddy coughed and cleared his throat, maybe to shrug the awkwardness that clouded in the air around us. Napakurap naman ako, nakagat ang pang-ibabang labi, at napayuko ng ulo.

“I’m sorry,” sambit ko.

Ilang taon na rin simula nang makabalik ako sa kanila, sa tunay kong pamilya. Ngunit sa kabila ng mahabang panahon na iyon ay hindi pa rin nasasanay ang dila ko at hanggang ngayon ay bukambibig ko pa rin si Papa.

Old habits die hard, as people would say—but he was not Pops, Lily Ianthe! Kailan mo ba matatanggap ‘yon? He was your dad! Your real, biological father!

Napatakip ako ng mga palad sa mukha nang walang pasabing tumulo ang aking mga luha.

I missed Papapops and Mamapops so badly!

“It’s okay, hija. I understand. You will soon get used to calling me Daddy,” malambing na sabi niya at saka buong lamyos na pinunasan ang basa sa mga pisngi ko.

“I’m really so sorry, Daddy,” I apologized again.

He nodded his head and pulled me in a warm hug. Pumikit naman ako at niyakap din siya pabalik, trying to feel the warmth a father could give to his daughter.

Pero bakit ganoon? Bakit hinahanap ko pa rin ang mga yakap ni Papa? Bakit sa kabila ng katotohanang ang tunay kong magulang ang nakayakap ngayon sa akin ay kulang at iba pa rin ‘yong gusto at hanap ko? Sure, I had a wonderful biological family. Daddy and Mommy were giving me everything I needed—material things, affection, love, name it. Anything. Kahit noon pa mang hindi ko pa alam na sila pala ang tunay na mga magulang ko ay napakabait na nila sa akin. They were also able to fill in the lost years that were snatched from us, plus, I had an awesome older brother, Kuya Siegfrid.

But despite of it all, laman pa rin ng isipan ko ‘yong pamilyang kinalakihan ko, ‘yong pamilyang kasama ko simula pa noong una, noong bata pa ako, kaya naman napakahirap para sa akin na umahon mula sa mga alaala nila.

But weren’t you being unfair, Lily?

Nangako ka na bibigyan mo sila ng pagkakataon, ‘di ba?

Daddy pulled away from the hug. Hinawi niya ang mga takas na buhok na sumabog sa mukha ko at saka isiniksik sa likod ng mga tainga ko. He, then, cupped my face and kissed me in my forehead.