STEFANO {Published/Sample Only}

52

Mark left, we started walking, side by side without a word, and not stopping until we hit the beach gate at the bottom of the street.

"Why!" Luca stepped in front of me, hands in his pockets, eyes lit by the streetlight above us.

"Why? I just am."

"Jesus Christ," he groaned. "No- why, didn't you tell me. Thirty four years Stefano and not a fucking peep. Thirty four years of you going out, partying, saying you were taking chicks home, disappearing with them, talking about them. Why didn't you say anything!"

"Why?" I looked up the street- I couldn't see their house but I could still hear Luca's words in that garage. "When should I have fucking told you Luca? After you bashed guy after guy who was just like me? After Rossi came out and was immediately disowned, blacklisted by his family- friends, we literally never saw him again- and what did you say- 'Good. He doesn't deserve to show his face here.' Or after mass, with Sofia signing the cross, bible in hand. That...." I pointed up towards their house. "Everything you said earlier is why I never told you! I don't want to be exiled, I don't want to be a joke, I don't want to lose my family- I don't want to lose you Luca. You're more than a brother to me, you always have been."

"So you just put on a fucking show?"

"I did what I had to do. I knew the consequences, what would have been said about me, about the family, the connections lost, clients lost. Every fucking day I thought about what it would do. And it's bullshit Luca! This is me! This is who I am! Nothing is wrong with me- and it shouldn't have taken me so long to fucking see that! Why does it matter who I love or who I'm hooking up with- when did that become the greatest fucking sin."

He pulled his hands from his pockets, adjusting his sleeves, his cuff links, focusing on anything but me. Then he straightened, meeting me eye to eye. "I'm sorry for what I said. I was blindsided, you should have told me before, given me a fucking clue before she announced it to the fucking world. It's a lot to take in, fuck it's just a lot period. But no matter what you do Stefano- you will never be turned away from this family. Protecting our family name- means protecting those who hold it."

"I was gonna tell you tonight, at dinner, with Gav and Giorgia by my side."

His eyes went wide. "They already know?"

"Yeah."

"Sofia?"

I shook my head no. "She will tonight. I'm done walking in half a shadow, I'm over it- come what may."

"Fuck, you should have told me first! I would have protected you. I would never bash you Stefano, I would never banish you, punish you. You are my fratello, thicker than blood. I would have helped you. I would've... watched what I fucking said and did around you. I have your back, always."

"I don't want anyone else to know Luca, no one outside this famiglia. I'm not ready to be front page news. My whole life I've been at the top of the fucking mountain- only to realize it was actually a cliff."

"I won't let anyone fucking touch you. No one."

Even Luca wasn't that powerful. "You know exactly what's going to happen when they all know. You know we have to make a plan- clients will leave, everyone will be coming to you, the girls- gossip, comments- all because I'm holding a guy's hand." I laughed under my breath, the fucking hypocrisy of New York. "You have no idea what that feels like, to know you've done nothing wrong- but you're still incriminated. We're not bad people Luca, we're not defective, abominations- all the other shit the world wants to throw around. You say fag so easy, but you have no idea how hard it is. Even today, it's a game of roulette- who will smile in acceptance, who will scoff and shout off. You sleep with hundreds of women and no one bats an eye, but if I kiss one man it's over."