STEFANO {Published/Sample Only}

31 {Summer}

It was dark this afternoon. Gloomy. June gloom, great chaser to the hell of a month May had been.

"Stefano..."

It was bleak, the view from this window nothing but concrete and more concrete.

"Stefano!"

My chair shook, startling me. The room suddenly coming into focus as I rolled my eyes away from the window, landing on the packed boardroom table I was sitting at the head of. "Huh..." Shit... I started sifting through the stack of files laid out in front of me. "I... um... I have the analysis here... somewhere." My elbow slipped from the table, taking a few folders with it, papers flying across the floor. "Shit... just one second."

"Stefano!" Luca roared, snapping his fingers and waving two of the new assistants in. "Clean this up." He pointed them to my mess then pointed me to the door. "Can I see you outside."

Shit. I scooted the chair back, rising to meet him, mouthing my apology to the room full of suits.

Luca held the door, ushering me out and around the corner, out of earshot. "What the fuck's going on with you!"

"Nothing." I shook my head, trying to avoid his eyes. "Give me a minute, the file's in my office."

"No, what the fuck's going on with you period! You were late to Sofia's birthday last week, you've been late to the office, you look like hell, and this..." He nodded towards the boardroom. "You're all over the fucking place lately."

I was staring into his eyes, feeling the impending breakdown. Mark left me. Days of not answering my calls turned to weeks, now over a month. It's done this time Luca, it's done and I don't know what the fuck to do. He won't answer to hear me say I'm sorry. I fucked up, he's done with me. And it really fucking hurts. I can't shake it. I don't know how to fucking let go. "I'm just tired."

He shook his head, pulling at his cuff links, reminding me of papà when he used to get mad. "You need to represent not only this company, but our name. Capisci. Romano is a brand, protect it with your life. Get your shit together, the world is watching."

No shit, that was half the fucking problem. "I know, trust me, I fucking know."

He was staring, looking right at me, flashing his eyes from mine to the suit I'd worn for a few days in a row and then to my face, that I hadn't shaven for a few days in a row. "Meth?"

"What, Jesus!" I jerked away, putting some distance between us. "I'm not on fucking meth."

"What are you into? Something's got a hold of you." He folded his arms across his chest, studying me.

"Jesus Christ- nothing."

"Clean your shit up, we've got Merck next month? This is big Stefano, Giamatti set up the contact. I can run point if needed. This will put us over."

I knew it would. I wouldn't let the company down. I would be fine by then- I had to be fine by then. "I got it."

"Get the file, come back as Stefano Romano, not whoever the fuck this is." He knocked into my shoulder before continuing back towards the meeting while I started down the hall.

I pushed right through my office door, bypassing my desk and falling back onto my couch instead. And once again I was staring up at the damn ceiling, fighting tooth and nail to get him out of my head. Dammit. I rolled my legs off the leather, forcing myself back up, grabbing the file from my desk- catching my reflection in the glass in front of me. I did look like hell.

The meeting had been a disaster, one thing after another before I finally bailed, getting the hell out of there so I could get back here.

I kicked my feet up on the table, twisting the lid on the Heineken. It wasn't my usual beer, it was his.

I dropped the bottle to the table, hearing the immediate tremble of the glass- the table shaking, the floor, and I whipped my head back, hearing the heavy footsteps growing closer, seeing the walls rattling, then the pounding against my door. "Stefano!"

Fuck. I jumped up, knocking into the table, sending the beer wavering and I dove for it, too late, it was already spilling over the wood. Shit!

"Hold up!" I had no choice but to open it, Luca was relentless. So I pulled the door, while he pushed his way in.

"Holy shit." He looked back at me and I looked, really looked at my apartment for the first time in weeks. Fuck... there was shit everywhere, half finished plates and beer bottles lining the table, my clothes on the floor, TV on but nothing playing- just a blank screen.

"Talk to me Stefano." Luca continued into the living room, walking to the window before crossing over to the bookshelves, resting back against them. "I know something's not right."

"I don't know." I feel, broken. I walked over to the dining table, hooking my fingers over the empty bottles. "I'll pull it together." I tossed the bottles into the trash, then grabbed the paper towel roll on my way back towards Luca.

He rolled his eyes over me, watching me. "Do you need help?"

I ripped a few towels, handing them over to him but he scoffed.

"No, I'm not fucking cleaning. Do you need help, real help?"

"Nah." I wiped the beer from the table, then the floor.

"Stefano, I know you. This is not you. Don't fucking lie to me. I'm your fratello, let me help you."

I stood back up, meeting him eye to eye... Then help me! Tell me you don't give a shit about what the Romano name is supposed to represent, tell me that you'll still be standing here once you know, tell me that I'll get over him, that there's another man out there that makes me feel the way he does- tell me you fucking understand, tell me it's going to be okay, tell me that nothing will fucking change.

"What is it Stefano."

"It's Ma... meth." Shit.

"Fuck, I knew it!" He pushed off the shelf, adjusting his coat while he shook his head. "Get off that shit. It'll fuck you up."

Why Stefano. Why. "I am."

"Take a cold shower, shave, wash your fucking clothes, and clean up this place. I expect you in a suit tomorrow and on your fucking game! If you can't get straight then I'll send in my men to take care of it, force you sober."

"Jesus Christ, that's not necessary." I backed away, hands up. "I'll be fine... kicking the habit tonight. Gonna clean myself up." Unbelievable, a broken heart he wouldn't understand, meth on the other hand.

"Good, cause you fucking reek."

Then I saw it, the bottle of Acqua di Gio I had stashed in the back of the shelf, now being pulled forward by Luca's fingers. Nooo...

"Ha! Haven't seen this shit in a while." He turned around, the cologne bottle in his hand. "This should help you..."

"No... no!"

It was too late, the bottle up, his finger down- the spritz hitting me like shrapnel, piercing through the weak layers that guarded my heart.

It was a rush of him, the scent like a nightmare come to life, the memory of the man I'd been fighting to forget now more alive than ever.

I winced, the stings multiplying, pain unbearable. "Go! I'll see you tomorrow. Go!"

"Hey." He dropped the bottle, throwing his arms around me, pulling me into him. "I love you. Whatever you need, let me know. I'll make it happen." He patted my back before dropping his arms. "Handle this."

He took off and I followed him to the door, locking it up before turning back to the mess. He was right. I needed to handle this.

This was a fucking disgrace, wallowing like this was beneath me. Romano's didn't wallow, we manned up. I couldn't do this anymore.

And that meant saying goodbye to him. I walked straight into the bedroom, ripping the fitted sheet from the corners of my bed, tearing it away- doing the same with the pillowcases. It had been almost six weeks, his scent was just a lie I believed was still lingering.

Then I headed for the shower, taking one final whiff of the cologne before washing it away. It was time to let go.