Drawn To You

•48•

All the plans I had, all the visions of our wedding, children, careers.. slowly fading out of sight. I could handle the bipolar, I could handle the constant ups and downs, I could deal with the anger and the sadness, I even was willing to deal with all the crazy girls that are obsessed with him.
But cheating? Never.
I have too much self respect for that. I deserve more than to be second to a booty call. I deserve to be in a relationship where I don't have to worry about my boyfriend screwing other girls.
What hurts even more is that I wanted to have sex with him, I was ready to loose my virginity to him, but he said no. He said we should wait and that he was the one willing to wait. Obviously not. He was just too busy screwing other girls.
I hear the bathroom door open, and footsteps walking down the hallway. Haz is quick to stand to his feet, holding the phone in his hand.
Tom walks in, now showered and wearing shorts and a T-shirt, acting as if nothing has happened. That is until he sees me crying, and concern laces in his features. It hurts him when I cry, but right now I couldn't care less about hurting him.
"What's wrong princess?" He asks.
"The fuck is this?" Haz asks, holding up the phone.
Toms face drops, and he goes pale. That's all it took for me to realize it's true.. he cheated on me.
"I- you weren't supposed to see that." He says nervously and I bury my face in my hands, trying to keep from sobbing.
I knew it...
"Oh because if she didn't see it that would have made it okay?!" Haz yells at him.
"This doesn't even involve you!" Tom yells back.
"Look at her Tom!" Haz exclaims. "Don't you realize what you've done? Who you've hurt? Of course I'm going to be apart of this cause she can't even stop crying let alone tell you how badly you've fucked up!"
"Just let us talk.. okay?" Tom says, and Haz looks to me, and nods slowly, leaving the room before his anger boils over.
Tom walks over, kneeling in front of me. I keep my face in my hands, not wanting to see his face right now. I can't.. it'll be too hard.
"Sweetheart please look at me." He tries, grabbing my hands to move them but I pull away from him.
"Don't touch me." I say coldly.
I can tell my sudden attitude change towards him hurts him, but that's his own fault. He made this decision.
"I'm so sorry.." his voice cracks.
I wipe my tears away, trying to gain some sort of composure to talk. It just hurts so bad.. it feels like I'll never stop crying.
"So you slept with Meghan?" I ask, needing to hear him admit it. It won't feel real until he admits it.
"I didn't sleep with her.. I was going to, but I didn't."
"Then what did you do Tom?" I ask.
"I went to her house.. she gave me a blowjob and that was it. I came to my senses and left immediately. I promise."
Oh my god...
"That's just as bad! You went back to her and lied about it!"
"I wish I hadn't." He says.
"But you did Tom!" I raise my voice.
"If I could take it back I would- I went and told her that it's never going to happen again and to leave me alone-"
"When did this happen?" I ask.
He shakes his head, not wanting to answer, but I push for an answer. I need one because if I don't know every detail I might just go insane.
"When did it happen Tom?!"
"The other night after you went to sleep.." he trails off, running his hand over his face in frustration.
"Oh my god." I say with hurt.
I can't believe he could just go with her and come home like it's nothing. He's been lying to me. He's been playing me.
"I promise it's done. I told her this was the last time and I'm done with her. I promise Eliana I only want you." He pleads.
"Did you even think about me? Did I even cross your mind while you were with her?" I ask.
"Of course you did-"
"So you just didn't care." I state.
"That's not true at all." He shakes his head.
"Obviously it is, otherwise you wouldn't have done it!" I yell.
"I was a mess Eliana, it was a lapse in judgement. As soon as I realized what I was doing I instantly ended it and came home."
I scoff, not even able to comprehend how he thinks that's a valid excuse. His mental illness can excuse him from a lot of things, cheating just isn't one of them.
"I'm so sorry, I will make it up to you I promise." He says, grabbing my hands in his but I pull them away quickly.
"I thought I could trust you." I say softly through tears.
"You can.."
"I can't." I choke out.
"Please..." he cries, moving his hand to cradle my face, and this time I don't push it away. As much as I want to, his comfort is what I need right now, even though he's the reason I'm hurt.
"I love you.." he says. "I can't loose you.."
his eyes are red, and tears fall down his cheeks. I know he loves me.. and god I love him.
"You should have thought about that before you went to Meghan." I say just above a whisper, and grab his hand, pulling it from its spot on my cheek.
I pull the key to the house from my pocket, and set it in the palm of his hand. He looks from the key, to meet my eyes with hurt. God those big brown eyes draw me in so easily, but I can't let that happen. I have to stand my ground.
"Please don't leave me.." he cries.
I love this boy so much, and it hurts like hell to see him cry, but I know what I deserve, and it's much more than being cheated on.
"I have to." I say.
"Please.." he says, connecting his lips to mine desperately, holding me closer than ever.  "Please don't go."
I nudge him off of me, and stand in front of him, holding his face in my hands and feeling his warm tears fall on my skin.
"I love you so much Tom.." I admit.
"I love you.." he breathes out.
"I will miss you." I say.
I stand up, and grab my bag, My phone, and my keys.
"You said no running." He states.
"I'm not the one who ran Tom. You did." I say, taking one last look at the broken boy before walking out the door.
__
I unlock the door to my parents guest house, and walk inside to see everything is still the same. I fall back on to the sofa and just sob my eyes out. Everything that's happened.. everything Tom and I built has just vanished. The front door opens, and I see my dad walk through the door.
"What's going on?" He asks with concern.
I shake my head, and stand to my feet to hug him as I cry.
Tom isn't my first break up, but he is my first heart break. I didn't know a break up could hurt this badly..
"It's done." I cry.
"It's okay honey, it's all gonna be okay." He tries to comfort me. I squeeze my eyes shut, but quickly open them again because when I close my eyes, all I see is Tom's face.
"Does it stop hurting?" I ask.
"One day." He sighs.
It feels like it never will, this feels like a pain I will have to deal with the rest of my life. I will forever have to wonder why I wasn't good enough for him, why of all people, he went back to her.
•Toms Pov•
I jog through the cold night air, not even knowing where I'm going. I have never felt a pain like this. I've had depression, bad depression, but this? This is so much worse.
It's my own fault. I was vulnerable and weak, Meghan had texted me, it just felt natural to go to her. Of course I looked at my sleeping girlfriend and felt guilty, but when you're in that mindset it's hard to think of anyone but yourself.
I should have tried harder. Because now I've lost the one good thing that even made this life worth living.
Though I was jogging to no particular destination, I end up across the street from Elianas house. I slowly make my way up to her door, but as I lift my hand to knock I hear her sobbing. The sound shatters my heart into a million pieces. I did that. It's my fault.
I take a few steps back, and turn around to jog away. She doesn't need to deal with me right now, I can give her at least a night to hate me before I try again.
I will try again.
And I will keep trying until I fix this.

A/N: I just KNOW y'all hate me now hehehe
Also it's 4am y'all are SPOILED.