Wish I Knew You Sooner

chapter fifteen

Oakland's POV

I stood there, back pressed against the door, unable to move from how wild my mind was running. Harry consumed my every thought always, so right now it was swarming with him.

I don't understand how a man who I've only known for such a small amount of time could break my heart. What happened that could cause that? My mind is struggling to process everything, from how my sister told me about the conversation Harry and Mitch had while I was inside, to how Harry said he had to tell me something in the hallway that could possibly hurt. What could it be?

I slid my back down the doorway, pulling my knees into my chest, anxiety building in my entire body. I buried my head in my hands, just now realizing that I actually trusted Harry with my heart, and I'm actually building feelings for him. I tried to shut them out, but knowing that he could hurt me, and seeing how worried I am just shows that my attempt to not get too close to him isn't working.

My trust issues that were created from being with Lucca never fully dissipated, so actually being able to somewhat confide in Harry was a big step, and I didn't realize what the consequences could come from it.

There is no way that I could tell Harry about anything from my past, or anything that resurfaced while I've been here. Will it be smarter to just shut him out, cutting off any feelings or emotions I have that are connected to him out? It is the safer route to take to keep my heart intact.

I brought my head up, resting it on my knees to stare directly out the back door, which was right across from the front door, with the kitchen in the middle. I slowed my breathing, calming myself down from being worked up over what is nothing as of right now. I just sat there, numbing myself from any feeling I had and any sort of passion or warmth I had for Harry. I need to detach myself from the boy who is going to hurt me in less than two hours.

After more time than I was planning on passing, my gaze was broken by my mother walking through the back door, stopping when her eyes landed on my glazed over ones. She had her beach bag and grocery bags in her hands, beginning to walk over to the kitchen island to put them down. My face stayed flat as she moved.

"Oakland?" she said to me, setting everything down on the counter. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head to rid it of the thoughts that were running crazed in my mind. "Yea, I'm good, mom." I responded, standing up awkwardly. I didn't expect her to come home right now, so I wasn't planning on having her see me while I was having stress and numbness both battle to see which one I would end up landing on.

She walked over to me, resting her hand on my cheek with a sympathetic smile on her lips.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing." I brushed off.

"You were sitting up against the front door with a haze across your eyes, hon." she responded, furrowing her brows.

"Oh... I-" I stuttered, but she cut me off.

"Are you feeling alright? You look out of it." she rushed out, worry blanketed across her face.

"Yea I am fine... where's dad?" I asked, changing the subject. It just dawned on me that he wasn't with my mother when she came home, even though they left together this morning.

"Oh, he ran into a work friend of his while we were out. They went to go get some food, but I needed to go get some groceries for us, so I left them." she explained. "It was actually Harry's manager, so they were chatting it up about the two of you."

"Oh gosh, dad probably said something embarrassing about me." I groaned. My mother let out a soft chuckle at my complaint while stroking her hand through my hair.