Spilling Guts

Part 73 - Waking

Will woke up in a medical bed, squinting at the dim ceiling of the recovery room in Med Tech. He groaned, swallowing down the scratchy feel of bile in the back of his throat; a ghost of cherry flavoring and...

Blood. That was different. The cherry flavoring was different too, but not quite as alarming.

A cannula ran under his nostrils and tucked behind his ears. Wires slithered under the unbuttoned collar of his Henley shirt, sensors stuck to his skin with adhesive patches. A small blood pressure and pulse monitor clamped around his finger. As he shifted, an incessant beep came from a nearby machine. Machine lights winked from the shadows beside his bed.

He wiggled his feet under the blanket. Someone had taken his shoes off. Which meant he had been there for a while.

"William?"

Will twitched, the wires on his chest pulling at his skin.

Balcuwitz sat on a folding chair by the bed, wearing a dusky eggplant sweater-vest and an expression of placid, polite concern. He had least had his shoes on. A file lay on the bedside table along with a reading light and a tablet.

"How do you feel?" asked Balcuwitz.

Tired, Will wanted to say; until the memories of Monday morning came back to him as if seen through a cloudy sheet of cellophane.

Billy. Test day. Punching a plate. Swallowing Louis. More punching a plate and then...

An attack? No. He had freaked out, seeing things. The same feeling he had felt on that drive home when he thought he had hit something. The walk with Jacob in the park when he thought something had rushed him.

But the episode in the BT had been different, worse. Voices screaming around him as he tried to throw up.

And then he had fallen.

Rachel above with a needle that reminded him of being strapped to a gurney in the Freewill compound. Then blackness.

As if summoned by the beeping of the machines, and she probably had been, Rachel appeared at the door of the room, in new scrubs and blonde hair in frizzed disarray.

In front of Rachel, Louis, and whoever had to see the test footage from the BT-10, Will had fucked up.

Shame blanketed him like acid rain, leaving him hollow. His face crumpled. Eyes downcast at his shaking hands. This time the choking sensation was due to tears being kept back, not panic.

"Will?"

"I'm sorry."

"This was not your fault," assured Balcuwitz, his voice warm like a needed blanket. "Do you remember what happened."

Will nodded and grabbed at the remote control for the bed, inching the mattress up until he was upright enough to not hurt his neck, but low enough that he didn't get a headache. "I had a panic attack during the test."

"That's still up to debate." Rachel walked over to the other side of the bed and shut off one of the beeping machines. "While you've been out, a few of us talked things over."

Will glanced at the clock on the bedside table. Four in the afternoon. A lot of time to talk. And the longest he'd been asleep for a month. "About what?"

Rachel gestured to Balcuwitz. The shrink leaned back in his chair, hands folded in his lap instead of scribbling on a notepad.

"Have you had episodes like this before?"

"Not nearly this bad," said Will. "I don't know why they're happening."

"Tell me about them."

Will glanced over at Rachel who listened as intently as Balcuwitz. If that kind of question had been asked in Balcuwitz's office, the door would have been closed.

"If you want to have this discussion privately, I understand," assured Balcuwitz. "We can make that happen but it will... take time."

Balcuwitz gave Rachel an imploring look. She shrugged and gestured at him to continue.

"There are subjects between you and I that will remain confidential," said Balcuwitz. "But Rachel wants to help and has her own agreement to confidentiality. If there are parts you want to omit, or feel uncomfortable sharing beyond us, you can say so and we'll work around it. But we suspect some of what you are going through is not just psychological in nature. We are here to help you. Rachel, Cetz, Louis and I."

"Cetz?" asked Will.

"I needed help moving you to Med Tech," admitted Rachel.

Oh no, thought Will. Cetz will think I'm not fit for field work anymore. What would they do with me? They wouldn't keep me partnered with Louis if I couldn't work.

As for Louis... No one else stood at the doorway. Will looked over at the other medical bed in the room, half covered by a privacy screen. Empty. Of course he wasn't there.

I can't blame him. I would want to take a break from me too after what he went through. Then he remembered the taste of blood on his mouth. "Is Louis okay?"

The SkySprecht, still snug in his ear, spoke. "I've been better."

Will jerked on the bed and felt a minute weight shift in his core. The machines beside him beeped as his heartbeat roared in his ears.

Louis was still inside him.