Queer 'n Crazy (Sanders Sides Human! Au)

Chapter 40

Hello, fellow fanders!

Sorry this is out late, my mother took away my stuff. -_- This entire chapter is a bit of a mess, I'm very sorry. I myself don't have a panic disorder or PTSD so I apologise in advance for any inaccuracies about how flashbacks work. Please be mindful of the warnings, if you can't read it I will place a small summary at the bottom of the chapter. Stay safe buddies!

WARNINGS : Panic attacks, yelling, flashbacks (PTSD), implied abusive household/parent, implied physical abuse, implied body dismorphia, implied child abuse, implied self harm, alcohol/ic parent, self blame, OCD, impulsive tapping/counting, seperational anxiety, irrational worries about family members, please tell me if I missed any.

ALSO I WAS IN A RUSH SORRY IF IT DOESN'T FLOW TOO WELL.

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Virgil glanced at the time in the corner of his screen for the umpteenth time that evening. He could've sworn more time had gone by, but it was only twenty minutes past seven.

He'd been feeling kind of on edge all day (his raw nail beds only driving his point home), and Logan's impromptu visit to Conva certainly hadn't helped anything.

He'd always hated not knowing where people were. It had started fairly young, even before his mother started to go off. He'd been possessive of his few friends in a quiet but alarming way, and not knowing where his parents were during preschool and daycare were the worst hours of his life.

Virgil knew that the majority of children cried when they missed their parents, but for him it was always slightly different.

Were they coming soon? What if something bad happened to him and he never saw them again? Were they alright? Such queries would plague the mind of little Virgil until tears welled up in his eyes. Teachers were always at a loss for what to do because how do you reassure a small child who'd only take physical substance as proof?

He'd long grown out of that habit; he'd had to once he was moved into the system. But every now and again it would resurface when he was having a strange day. Like now, as he checked the time every five minutes, waiting for Logan to appear.

Virgil knew he was just visiting somebody (he thought her name was Jas or something), and he could very well handle himself, but worry still itched under his skin.

He sighed and set down his phone, taking to staring out the window instead. It was getting steadily colder and the sun had begun sinking at around 4PM, so there honestly wasn't much to see. Just the usual sight of tree branches scraping against window sills in an eerie dance that made Virgil shiver. The light from the old-fashioned street lamps illuminated the courtyard nicely and the various shrubbery cast flickering shadows onto the pavement.

Cool asthetic.

A click echoed through the room and Virgil's heart jumped before relaxing once it realised it was Logan.

"Hey. You're back late." Logan offered little in way of a response, instead just mumbling and shrugging off his jacket. Virgil's throat closed up slightly.

Logan tugged his scarf off sharply, before folding it three times and setting it neatly in his closet. His fingers tapped a pattern against his thigh, and Virgil frowned. He didn't seem all that good...

"Logan, are you sure you're good?"
"I'm perfectly fine, Virgil."

His tone made Virgil's jaw snap shut, the tightness spreading further down into his chest. Logan said his name like it was filth, all too similar to how his mother sounded. It was dumb, he knew it was dumb, but it didn't matter, because apparantly his fucking body did not.