tryst [sequel] // h.s

43

You know I say that I am better now, better now
I only say that 'cause you're not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything
Woulda gave you everything, oh-oh

I promise, I swear to you, I'll be okay
You're only the love of my life

song: better now by Post Malone

(a/n: not meant to be played while reading)

Chapter forty three

Harry

''I love you much more than what you think.''

Her soft voice sounds so distant as I try to make myself more aware of my surroundings but it feels like a blur and she's sounding further away as the seconds go by but her words rumble in my head.

I reconcile some sleep and after a while, it feels like an illusion and a recollection of my biggest desires combined with the memories of her prowling in my head. It's a figment of my imagination as it couldn't be further from the truth and my reality.

She might be staying in the house but she's not present with me, it's been very clear since that morning in her flat after her birthday.

I thought I was doing her a favor and that the next time we met it would be different but that's not the case and I'm afraid part of it is my fault.

Most of last night comes in flashes and random parts of it are pilling in my memory as I wake up and one of them, the first one, is the look of panic and fear flashing on her eyes when I found her almost running for her life.

She calmed down immediately but I've seen that look on her face more times than I'm proud to admit and it's never a good experience. It's never easy to see the person you love hurting and she was about to overdrive herself into a state of pure panic.

Zara was running away, she was scared and she was attempting to calm down on her own and she didn't manage to do so until I got to her.

This isn't something to take pride in, at least not that I think of but when she's close to me, or maybe me close to her, she braces herself down. She relinquishes all of that power to me, it's an unconscious switch that variates between us because the second I was with her, she calmed down.

To explain Zara and her mind would require more than a few weeks in training as she has a very complex personality, which at the same time, is one of the most alluring traits of hers.

Her caring nature exceeds herself and the moments you see her being the most fearless is when she's taking care of others. Her selfless personality is what made me fall in love with her.

Last night when she was taking care of my sister she was very done with my bullshit in less than it would take her normally. She's done it with me, when I've been sick or when I've had problems with my management. She's done it with her brother, when we used to tease Niall, she's done it with everyone.

She knows how to take care of everyone but herself.

She knows how to take care of those who she loves and that should have been the first warning, because she doesn't take care of herself because she doesn't have enough self-love.

This doesn't change the fact that she hasn't shown any interest in me since we broke up and that's been impacting on me more than it should. I thought I was doing this for her to realize that I can't be taken for granted and that the way she treated me is not good.