tryst [sequel] // h.s

50

Out on our own
Dreamin' in a world that we both know
It's out of our control
But if shit hits the fan, we're not alone

'Cause you've got me and you know
That I've got you and I know

song: till forever falls apart by Ashe and FINNEAS

(a/n: buckle up, dears, it's a long one so get settled, comfortable and enjoy :)

Chapter fifty

Zara

''I need you''

Three simple words that hold an invaluable amount of meaning. I've said it countless times, I've needed him to be close to me and be there for me but I wasn't ready for what was about to come.

Those words are not estranged for me, they were in my basic vocabulary for the first part of our relationship and I've said them as you recite something you learn in school.

The act of needing someone is as pure as the thought itself. You don't want them, it's not a temper tantrum of a request, is not something you can replace, it's not an act of self-sufficiency.

You need them, like an addict needs their drug of choice.

At times, you don't precisely want them but you need them as human nature desires, without it you don't live, you can't live.

Harry used to be an extended part of me, right at the very beginning, he was unhealthy that part of me I couldn't manage to find on my own and he filled a void I had to cover myself.

There are two types of need. The pure sensation of need, true to its demand that eases almost every aching feeling of the source, and then there's the selfish need. The toxicity behind it makes it as malevolent as its true intention, the need of no one else having it.

However, as mal intentioned as it could have been, he needed me and he truthfully needed me this time.

This week started normally. I made it home safely, after taking two different planes from Singapore to London. After all, it was too risky to simply take one of 14 hours straight because it could raise suspicions, or merely bring unwanted attention upon myself.

Harry and I had a hard time communicating this week because he was traveling the whole time and meeting new places while I had too many meetings and events to attend. It wasn't easy to keep up with each other within those moments and we gave up on countless facetime calls.

I was either too tired or he was exhausted, opposite schedules and different time zones are not a good mix but we managed the best way we could and we exchanged a lot of texts throughout the days.

In between texts you can't tell how the other person is feeling, mostly when Harry and I both express ourselves with our voices for a living but I should have known and I should have asked.

Had it been that way, I would have realized sooner that something was up with him but I sadly had no time for calls, which is devastating but also our hard reality.

If I had called sooner I would have known that something was wrong with his voice, something I could have prevented or fixed if I had just paid a little more attention to him but sadly now it's too late.

I should have done things differently but now I can't complain and I have to deal with the consequences of rushed decisions but I wasn't ready.

I still have no idea what I'll have to face once I arrive and I probably should have told someone about this but I couldn't wait any longer and I did what I had to do.