Other Worlds - The Wilds

Chapter 17

AN: Hey everyone! Sorry for the slight delay on this chapter. This is actually from Shelby's point of view of the morning after the kiss. Might be a one off but I thought a little peek into what was going on in Shelby's head might be interesting. 

Lots of internalised homophobia here... Obviously we know Shelby is gay but she definitely doesn't yet!! Anyway, enjoy, back to Toni next chapter x

--------

  Shelby didn't sleep that night. All of her emotions, unclouded by alcohol, came rushing in as she sobered up with every passing minute.

  After nearly 20 minutes of staring up at the ceiling she heard Toni whisper from the floor beside her, "Thank you Shelby, for everything today." Shelby didn't respond, what could she say? There was nothing to thank her for. She had hunted down Toni's address and stormed over to her house in the middle of the night for what? Why did she do it? Shelby's mind spun around so many reasons but never seemed to land on the real one. It was almost as though her brain had removed that very thought so she could never access it again. Maybe because she shouldn't.

  The whole night was a mess. Right from Andrew expecting too much, to him breaking up with her when she stopped him going too far, to stealing his father's beer and getting drunk outside Toni's house. Oh God, And Toni. Toni who was getting hurt at home, Toni whom she had kissed, Toni who ran after Shelby kissed her. After Shelby kissed her. What was she thinking?

  Shelby prayed until the morning, prayed for her morality, prayed for Toni and prayed for an answer to the hundreds of questions ricochetting through her mind.

  She was unbelievably relieved when her alarm went off. Finally, something to focus on other than the thoughts of last night's events.

  Toni greeted her with the usual snark over her alarm. She paid her no mind though, telling her to just go back to sleep. Of course, Shelby did not necessary make that possible for her. In retrospect she could have accommodated her guest but she had things to do, and the whole situation with Toni was unexpected.

  Shelby couldn't help glancing over to the resting brunette. The cuts on her face just visible over the top of the blanket covering her. The hell that girl must have gone through in her life. she was right, Shelby's issues had nothing on hers. What issues did Shelby even have? The need to be perfect, pressure to present a certain way and strict parents? God she was such an idiot running to Toni and telling her how hard her life was. At the time she needed to see her and tell her, but now it just felt stupid. Insensitive.

  She glanced at Toni's sleeping form, or, resting form considering how much she had been huffing at Shelby's morning routine. Her dad would be furious if her caught someone like Toni in her room.

  Someone like Toni, She thought. What did that even mean? She shook her head clean of those thoughts. One moment of sympathy and she had forgotten what she stood for. What God stood for. Toni's lifestyle was a sin... But you should help others in need. For the first time ever the scriptures she had relied on so heavily to help her though any crisis were letting her down. It all felt so contradictory.

  Shelby called Toni beautiful. She hadn't meant to, but it wasn't gay if you were just talking casually to someone whom you didn't have feelings for right? Maybe. But probably not with someone you kissed just hours before, Shelby thought without warning, her heart skipping a beat.

  Toni ran the shower and Shelby absolutely did not think about her in there. Every one of these impure feelings were just impulsive thoughts; not real. She repeated the mantra until a knock sounded at her door.