Other Worlds - The Wilds

Chapter 33

  Toni knew that how she felt sitting in the ice cream parlour with Shelby, couldn't last forever, or even a day. She knew that she needed to talk to Martha but wasn't sure how to go about that without sharing aspects of her life that Martha didn't already know.

  She realised at that point that both sides had lied. Toni had just never thought of it that way because her lies were mutually beneficial, at least she thought so at the time.

  The logical side of Toni knew that Martha and Bernice were probably just trying to protect her, but the side of her that was born out of the pain in her life wondered how they didn't know her well enough to know that lying was never going to help. Especially about something that was so undeniably her right to know.

  These thoughts raced through her head right up until Shelby pulled up in front of the familiar door, the closest place to home that Toni could imagine. Right then all of the bitterness and self-righteous anger slipped out of her mind.

  It had started to snow. The glittering flakes landing on the window for a split second before being swiped off by the window wipers. Toni sat, mesmerised by the constant and methodical landing of the snow and subsequent swish of the window wipers; and how, no matter how many times the snow landed, it was always erased.

  The car engine stopped, abruptly sending the world into silence. The kind of quiet that makes your ears whistle, almost as a reminder that you hadn't lost your hearing entirely. Or a reminder that something has to fill the silence eventually.

  The snow landed heavily without the window wipers to clear it sending the car into near darkness with the cold blanket slowly masking the light. It struck Toni as funny how the things we marvel at and are enchanted by almost always turn into something that just makes our lives difficult. The magical novelty wears off and you slowly come to realise that all along it was just a nuisance disguised by rose-coloured glasses.

  Shelby unbuckled her seatbelt first, bringing the world back to life again. "Do you want me to come in with you?"

  Yes, Toni's first instinct said. Her need for closeness and someone to care about her nearly overpowering her need to have a proper talk with Martha; something she wouldn't be able to do with Shelby there. Additionally, Shelby seemed tired. Toni knew she should ask if something was wrong, but now was not the time, if she asked her now she didn't know that she would be able to give Shelby her full attention and support, and there was no way she was going to let Shelby believe that she didn't care. She was not going to let them move backwards.

  "No," she said finally, making up her mind. "I think I should do this alone. Thank you for everything today though, you have no idea how much you've helped me today. I mean it."

  She hoped Shelby believed it seeing as Toni had not acted very appreciative before.

  The winter sun was starting to set and she really didn't want Shelby driving in the dark in the snow and ice. "You can go. I will be fine I promise. And I'll call you tonight?"

  Though she thought she was doing the right thing, Shelby's face said the total opposite. Fear flashing in her eyes before disappearing behind the supportive look she had been wearing all day.

  Months ago this might have fooled Toni, hell, earlier today it might have fooled her considering her morning, but she knew better now. She knew that Shelby had the occasionally eerie ability to hide how she was feeling; sometimes transporting into another personality entirely. It was obviously not something that was innate, but learned through years of hiding from her family. "I would rather wait, I don't have anything to do today."

  It was pretty obvious to Toni then that Shelby was avoiding home. This was nothing new but paired with the tears from earlier and the palpable undertone of fear in her eyes, it was more of a concern. Toni decided to bite the bullet, her own shit be damned, she was going to be here for Shelby whether she was actually able to or not. "You seemed like you were crying earlier, you've zoned out multiple times today and you don't want to go home, even when the other option is sitting in the dark, in the cold, waiting potentially hours for me. Talk to me. Please."