(Discontinued) The Light At The End of The Tunnel - Solangelo (Percy Jackson)

Part 44

Nico's POV

!Warning Contains Self-Harm, Alcoholism, Panic Attacks, Near Death Experience!

Like seriously, it's a lot

It was December the 22nd. That was Bianca's death date. I know what you're thinking... Oh, Nico, it's been like, 4 years, get over yourself. It's not that simple, it still hurts... A lot, more than it should. I don't want to be here without her... I don't want to be here...

Will was out for today working and patrolling the area with his siblings. I didn't want him to see me like this anyways. It was always so embarrassing getting emotional in front of him. But it happened a lot. Maybe it's because he's the only person I could talk to and I've had all of this mental baggage for so long.

I'm just burdening him... All I do is stack my problems on his own. All I do is think about myself, I don't consider other people's feelings. Everything would be so much better without me, no one would have to worry about the creepy child of Hades, no one would have to run after me, trying to fix all my mistakes and Will would have been with someone so much better. Someone who deserves him...

Things would be so much easier if I wasn't here anymore. Even if I would waste away in the Field of Asphodel, I would rather be there than hurt others I care about around me. I wish I could just be with Bianca. I knew in the back of my mind that she's gone for good. She's never coming back but I just push those thoughts in the back of my head.

I finally pulled myself out of bed, in a daze, I didn't even know what I was doing. I went down in the bottom drawer of my dresser where I kept a case of beers. I grabbed a few, sitting back on my bed. I opened one before drinking it. It didn't taste exactly good but the numb feeling after a few of them was what I was looking for. If I couldn't feel anything then I wouldn't have to worry about anything.

I don't know how much time passed but I had eventually drunk all of the cans that I had brought to my bed. My vision was blurry, I felt like my body was moving on its own. My throat was burning and my head was pounding. I got up, I didn't feel better. I felt even worse now.

Now I couldn't even tell what was going on. I felt hot and my consciousness was continuously slipping in and out. I threw off my jacket before stumbling to the bathroom, taking off my shirt, throwing it to the ground. I leaned over the toilet, throwing up in it. My skin felt clammy and my eyelids felt like led.

I struggled back to my feet after hugging the toilet for who knows how long. I grabbed the sink to steady myself, looking in the mirror. Colorful shapes danced across my vision but I could still see myself in the mirror. A terrible sight really, I was sickly pale, even more than I usually am, I couldn't help but notice all of my ugly scars and how skinny I was. I turned on the sink shakily, splashing water into my face before everything started to go dark.

Alone with my thoughts was never a good idea. As I felt like I was fading in and out of the world I only thought of the one thing that distracted me when I was alone. My vision came back to find me on the floor before struggling to my feet. I went into my top dresser, grabbing one of the knives I had picked up in my travels before sitting on my bed, just... Looking at it.

I brought the blade to my wrist shakily, cutting into my skin like paper. It stung badly, making me gasp in pain. I couldn't even recognize how deep I was going into my skin. But I didn't care, I don't care if I cut too deep. I'd worry about that later.

My eyes fluttered for a moment, there were too many slits to count all over my arms. I felt light-headed almost instantly, my vision going from black to blurry. There was blood everywhere, all over my arms, my covers, and my bed. I didn't realize how deep they were.

I didn't even realize I had laid down, clutching my wrist, a feeble attempt to stop the bleeding. I could barely hold my eyes open anymore, slipping out of consciousness slowly. I tried to stay awake. I grabbed a blanket, trying to stop the bleeding, groaning. The throbbing pain was one of the things keeping me from blacking out so quickly.

"Fuck..." I whimpered, trying to sit up but I was trembling too bad. "Please... Will..."

Everything went dark, I don't know for how long but I thought I was going to die. What a way to go. Being a demigod and not even being killed by a monster or a horrible quest.

***

I woke up to my arms feeling like fire ants were dancing on me. My eyes adjusted a little to see Will's blurry face, he had my hand in his grasp and had tears pouring down my face. I saw him cry before. He was such a cheerful person it wasn't much of a problem for him. A soft, warm glow came from his hands on my arms, seeming to try to stop the bleeding. I realized Will was whispering a hymn under his breath, he was the cause of the glow.

"Will?" I croaked.

He jumped a little, "Nico! Oh, my gods, I was so worried!" He sobbed before kissing me. "I-If I had come a little bit later... I-I would have lost you."

He started working on my other arm, trying to stop the heavy bleeding. I was still fading in and out of consciousness. I was still in a daze. I didn't know what was happening. The healing hurt, it was like thousands of little needles poking my skin.

Will hugged me after a while. "Why? Why would you try to leave me? What would I do without you?" He asked, whimpering.

Author's Notes: Oh boy, that was a wild ride lol. I hope you liked it. I have a bit more of a twist planned so be ready for that. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!