If It Hurts This Much (Chaelisa)

Chapter 12

Lisa shuffles from the end of the bed, finding her jeans on the floor before she slips into them, shrugging them up her legs and lying back until they settle low at her hips. Her fingers fumble with the button, then on to the buckle of the belt as she sits upright. It feels like a one night stand that she wants to get away from pronto, and when a hand presses to her bare back she nearly bolts.

"Hmm," Miyeon hums from behind her, slipping her hands over Lisa's shoulder as she presses open mouth kisses to her neck. "That was amazing, babe."

Consummating her marriage really wasn't supposed make her feel like this. Like she's unclean... Horrible... Dirty. All she wants to do is sprint home, slide into a scolding hot shower and scrub away the grubby feeling crawling over her skin. It's like when she fell into the mud pit in the playground back in middle school - and all the class laughed at her. But Chaeyoung was there to pick her up, dust her off and wash off the dirt from her face.

This time though, Chaeyoung isn't going to be there to pick her up. Chaeyoung isn't going to be there to take away the awful crawling feeling that makes Lisa feel like she hasn't showered in weeks. Chaeyoung isn't going to be there to tear of the sleeve of her, wet it and then dab all the dirty granules off her face. This time, Lisa's going to have to suffer.

"Totally," Lisa grabs her shirt from the foot of the bed and slips into it, tugging it over her head until it's settled around her shoulders. Miyeon swiftly removes her hand, allowing the shirt to fall down Lisa's arms as she stands, tugging the hem so it falls down correctly. Lisa takes this opportunity to create some distance between her and her wife - knowing the combined feeling of guilt and filth creeping across her skin is too much to bear if she's within arm's reach.

Miyeon seems oblivious to the heavy feeling inside Lisa's gut and stretches her arms above her head, letting the sheet fall down and reveal her exposed chest. The urge to grimace is almost too much, so Lisa quickly locates her wife's tops and basically throws it at her, the fabric landing square in the middle of Miyeon's face. Widening her eyes, Lisa almost thinks her game is up when the blouse slides down a pale face, revealing a quizzical stare.

"Get changed," Lisa practically spits. "We better be getting back. Someone might be looking for us."

Miyeon nods - apparently she's still oblivious. "Of course, babe."

Just before the green eyed brunette can stand from the bed, revealing her nakedness, Lisa spins and lurches for the door, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to push the memories flashing behind her eyelids, away. "I'll meet you out there."

"Okay."

Lisa slips out the door, pulling it shut behind her before leaning fully against it. She lets out a long, heavy exhale and looks down to her hands - feeling the invisible grime lurking over them. This isn't how things were supposed to happen. Sleeping with Miyeon for the first time in months, combined with consummating her marriage, was supposed to be amazing - it was supposed to feel like the best thing in the world and make her feel like she's on cloud nine.

But it's done no such thing.

If anything it's done the opposite.

Taking in a deep breath, she pushes away from the door and looks down the hallway, seeing Chaeyoung stumble out the bathroom, giggling. Bile rises in the back of her throat and anger gurgles in the pit of her stomach. There's no Jaehyun, but she probably just missed him. When her eyes lock onto the tall man, dancing and urging the blonde forward with his finger - the slight relief and hope she felt a second ago disappears.

It was Chaeyoung in the bathroom.

***

It's 1am. People are starting to file out and the dance floor is thinning considerably so. Lisa always thought New Year's parties were supposed to go on to early hours in the morning, not an hour after the ball dropped in Times Square.