Wasted Times [LIP GALLAGHER]

t h i r t y e i g h t

I left the bakery wrapping my arms around myself because it was so cold, Fiona had the day off so I didn't see her. Grandma told me that she was thinking of giving Fiona some more of my shifts, but I didn't mind. Fiona needed the work a lot more than I did, I just wanted to help grandma out in the first place but she insisted on paying me.

I walked under the tracks of the L, I jumped slightly when it passed above my head. I hated walking home alone through the south side when it was dark, but Ian wasn't at Kash's when I checked during my break. I quickened my pace, the anxious feeling crept over me. I felt more at ease when I walked under the street lamps spotting my house in the distance. I blew warm air into my hands which felt numb from the cold, I glanced across the street to see Lip sitting on the steps of the house Steve had bought for Fiona.

I crossed the street wondering why he was sitting outside all alone, when I got closer I saw a few empty bottles of beer around him. He had a deep cut above his left eyebrow, I pushed the gate open and his red eyes looked up at me.

"Lip, it's freezing. What the hell are you doing outside?" I asked kneeling down in front of him, he looked back down at the ground before sniffling.

I don't think I'd ever seen Lip actually cry and here he was wiping his eyes in front not even caring that I could see him.

"Frank fucked Karen." Lip mumbled and my eyes widened.

"Shit, I'm sorry Lip. Do you want to talk about it?" I questioned unsure of the best way to help him.

"His dick was in her vagina, it's kinda self explanatory." Lip snapped talking a gulp from the beer bottle perched in his lap.

"So you walked in on them?"

"Didn't have to, it's trending. Karen set up this stupid page and everyone has seen it. I'm a joke." Lip spoke letting out a dry laugh, I took the bottle out of his grip when he went to take another swig and placed it on the step.

"How'd you get the cut on your head?" I reached forward and pushed his hair out of the way to get a better look at it, it wasn't bleeding but it still looked sore.

"I stole a car and tried to hit Frank, I beat the shit out of him before Kev pulled me off." Lip answered and I gasped, I can't believe he would steal a car especially after what had happened a few days ago.

"You idiot, what if the cops saw you? Do you have any idea how much shit you'd be in?" I pointed out but he didn't seem to care at all.

"At least then I wouldn't have found out about the video." Lip grumbled before I felt his hands hold mine.

"Remember that time after the thing with Seb I helped you forget for awhile? I need you to help me now." Lip added staring right at me.

"No it doesn't make it any better, trust me." I declined and Lip let go of my hands, he picked up the beer bottle and threw it at the ground making it smash.

"Why don't you want me? What's wrong with me?" Lip asked cupping my face with his hands, tears escaped his eyes and trickled down his cheeks.

"I can't do it, not like this. You're drunk and-"

"I'm what? A loser. I get it, I have been one my whole life." Lip interrupted dropping his hands from my face and running them through his hair.

"You're not a loser, you're one of the most decent guys I've met since I moved here which has been rare to find. What I mean is I can do it anymore, this sleeping around while I know you clearly have feelings for Karen." I admitted standing up, Lip shook his head before standing up too.

"What have you got against Karen? Are you jealous of her or something?" Lip's voice sounded irritated and his comment pissed me off a bit.

"What if I am? I can stand here and tell you that I like you until I'm blue in the face but it won't make a fucking difference because you don't feel the same." I claimed clenching my fists to contain my anger.

"You like me? I thought we were just fooling around, Beth I never meant to meant to lead you on." Lip replied and I scoffed at him.

"Bullshit. All of the secret touches and whispers when nobody is around, it doesn't matter anymore because I won't let it happen." I stated feeling my eyes water.

"Beth, just listen. I like you I do, but I have feelings for Karen and I have for awhile it's just taken shit for me to realise that." Lip explained and I wanted to be anywhere else than stood in front of him.

"Well good luck with her, I wish you the best I really do. Just remember I was the one who helped you when you felt like shit about your mom, I was the one who waited hours at the police station like a fucking dumbass. Me not her." I reminded him before walking away despite his calls for me to wait.

I opened the door of my house and shut it behind me, I climbed the stairs not stopping to check in with Grace or grandma. I walked into my room and locked the door behind me, I rested my back against the door feeling my chest shake with sobs. My legs buckled beneath me and I slid down to the floor pulling my knees up to my chest, now he knew how I felt and I knew he didn't feel the same.

It was crushing but it was better this way, I could stop giving into him at his every beck and call. Awhile later I picked up my pack of cigarettes from inside a folder in my nightstand, I took my phone out of my pocket and called Seb's number. It rang out for a few seconds before I heard his voice.

"Hey."

"Pick me up in twenty minutes." I told him before hanging up, I changed out of my uniform and stuffed my cigarettes into my jacket pocket.

I put a wooly hat on to tame my wild looking hair, I waited until I heard Grandma going to her room before going downstairs. I saw Seb waiting in the van down the street, my eyes wandered to where Lip had sat but he was gone.

I headed over to Seb and got into the passenger seat, he looked at me with concern but I stared straight ahead.

"Drive." I ordered and he pulled out onto the street without saying anything.

Author's Note;
I know this chapter is a bit shorter than usual but don't worry there will be a follow up. Lots of drama and possibly an unexpected twist to come, but I'll say no more about that...

Beth finally admitted her feelings to Lip, but it didn't quite work out the way she had hoped.

Was it the right time for Beth to tell Lip how she feels about him?

What do you think will happen next?

Let me know your thoughts and remember to vote, I might possibly update again soon but I need to update my other ongoing series beforehand so however long that will take I'm not sure. Thank you for all the kind comments the past few days, I appreciate it.

UNEDITED