Numb (DreamNotFound)

1

TW's:
-Mentions murder/death/blood
-Mentions suicide attempts (hospital)
-Mentions abuse/tantrums/PTSD
-Mentions self harm

George's POV

I remembered the day like yesterday. The day my life changed immediately and never changed back again. It never went back to normal, it would always keep hurting me and not a little. It would always keep ripping me apart, breaking me completely.

Could you remember the times early in your life? No sorrows, happiness and joy. How you could go outside and play stories, act like it was reality. I could remember how I had a wooden sword and I used to fight with my friends and my brother. They also had a wooden sword and we fought together, just like we were real pirates. It all seemed fun and one of us used to fall down on the ground, begging for forgiveness. It was funny, it was all funny games.

It was all funny games, until it happened in real life. The wooden sword got replaced with a knife. The fake falling backwards got replaced with a lifeless body falling down, blood around it. The fun games became real and the laughs we shared before now became screams and cries. The fun we had, got turned into a real nightmare.

I remembered it clearly, I remembered every single detail. I saw them everyday and I hurt me more than anything. I knew I should leave it behind me, but it was a trauma for the rest of my life. I didn't want therapy, I always told everyone I didn't need therapy, but maybe I did.

I had accepted my life to be ruined though, there was no one who could help me anymore. I still saw his face in my head every day. The blood thirsty look on his face, his scary and big eyes, ready to kill someone. And he did, he did kill someone.

It wasn't the perfect crime, in fact let's just say it was the worst crime. Killing someone in front of me, it didn't really make any sense.

It seemed like I had to be killed too, but that didn't happen. After my shock, in which I completely paralysed, I started screaming. Screaming really, but like really loudly. I screamed just as long as my voice stopped and I couldn't talk for days anymore.

But because I screamed this loudly, everyone in the whole neighbourhood came towards the place where it happened. Since I was in too much of a shock, someone different immediately called the police. Three strong men in my neighbourhood made the murderer fall on the ground and held him there until the police arrested him.

And I? They treated me like I would be okay after my shock. They took me to my place, made me tea and forced me to go to sleep after that. I haven't slept for a single second, I have only stared at the ceiling. The whole scene of him stabbing my uncle to death, it didn't even matter anymore, of course it traumatised me for life, but those eyes. Those eyes traumatised me way more.

As soon as I closed my eyes, I saw them. I saw him biting on his lip, laughing viciously. I saw his eyes turning into eyes of a monster. He looked at me, laughing even harder. I saw how he leaned his head a little forward, a wide laugh filled his face, a soft chuckle left his mouth and then. Before I could do anything, he was dead.

As soon as I close my eyes, I saw the man in front of me again. I never looked at people's eyes anymore, they scared me so much. If someone kept looking at me for a minute long, I always just hit them. And sure that was wrong, but I couldn't handle it. I was traumatised for life and after it happened, I completely lost it.

I started cutting myself, hitting myself, burning my arms and legs. I started hitting and hurting people, screaming at them. I started throwing stuff through the room, breaking windows. I did suicide attempt after suicide attempt, I took pills, cut my wrists, I stood in front of the train multiple times. That wasn't even the worst, I never went to school anymore, now since I was seventeen, I had to. But I didn't.

Last time I went to school, I hit my teacher for screaming at me and I got suspended for three weeks. They just didn't care about what I went through. After I threw a chair through a classroom which hit a teacher, making her have to go to hospital, I got expelled.

No school accepted me anymore, my parents didn't know what to do with me anymore. I swore at them the whole day, I hurt them the whole day and if I wasn'tmad at them, I was mad at myself. I was cutting myself everyday at least ten times, making five to ten cuts a session and I couldn't stop.

And last week. Last week everything went wrong. I hit my dad so hard that he passed out for a little. I kicked my brother so hard that his leg started to bleed and after that, well. After that I got mad at myself, cut my whole arm open and took around twenty-five pills.

An ambulance got called immediately, but since this was the sixth time my stomach got pumped, they decided this couldn't continue anymore. I was a danger for everyone and for myself the most.

I had permanent kidney damage and I had to take medication for it, but I didn't care. I didn't take my medication and even though I was dying because of the pain in my back all day, I couldn't care less. I would keep trying to kill myself until I succeeded. Unless, that's what I thought.

But no, my parents got so hopeless and you see, they decided to sent me to a mental asylum. I was locked in a room, cameras in my room, I had nothing, but a mattress on the ground. I couldn't use my phone, everything got taken from me and I only had some clothes they gave me. I had nothing to cut myself with and when I hit my whole arms blue, they stormed in and tied me to my bed until I calmed down after my tantrums.

I got treated like shit and everything got only worse. Everyone hated me, I got literally treated like I was some sort of animal. I never was able to leave my room, I hadn't seen the outside light in weeks. Life was a pure hell.

1099 words