Numb (DreamNotFound)

27

TW's:
-Relapse (talk about alcohol and drugs)
-Mentions self harm urges
-Mentions mental abuse

George's POV

Clay went with me to my place after he threw up two more times and he had taken a lot of medicine to make his headache a little less. He was really mad at himself and he had been crying in my arms.

We were sitting in my mum's car in the backseat, holding hands and Clay rested his head on my shoulder, still crying a little. He was emotional because of how bad he was feeling, but mostly because he relapsed.

'It's okay, Clay. I promise you, you're going to be okay. It just needs some time.'

'I think I'm never going to be able to heal, I will always want to do alcohol or drugs.'

'You've recovered fully from smoking.'

'Yeah, but not from drugs and alcohol.'

'You also didn't fall back in doing drugs.'

'No, because I don't have it. If someone offers it to me I would definitely take it.'

'Okay, but to be real. You don't get offered drugs that much.'

'Okay, you're right. The biggest problem is alcohol and I will always be near alcohol.'

'You don't have to be near it. You're therapist will find a solution for it. If you're parents don't want to put it away, maybe you have to go live somewhere else or something.'

'George?'

'Yeah?'

'I still have the number of the guy I bought drugs off, can you uh- maybe like, delete his number?'

'Of course, what's his name?'

'Danny.'

'Okay. I'm proud of you for telling me, I'm genuinely proud.'

'I don't also want to relapse in drugs, drugs made me so weird and I did such weird things always. I don't want it anymore, but I know I'm going to ask him for drugs if I have his number.'

'I have deleted it.'

'Thank you.'

'I'm proud of you,' I whispered as I kissed his hand softly.

Clay smiled shyly and blushed. 'Even though I was drunk yesterday?'

'You overcame one of the three addictions and the chances are high that you'll never do drugs again. You overcame so much.'

Clay cried softly and I hugged him tightly against my body, lifting his head up. I smiled at him and wiped his tears away. Clay smiled after it. He hugged me tightly.

'I love you,' Clay whispered. 'I can't wait to hang out with you a lot.'

'I can't either.'

'I have to go back in my traject now, I think. But maybe after that?'

'Maybe earlier already.'

Clay nodded and he kissed my nose. 'Is it weird to kiss you when we're just friends? If you're uncomfortable, I'll stop.'

'I like it,' I giggled and kissed his cheek. 'I think friends can kiss each other's face too.'

'George, do you want to forgive me for what I did yesterday. You're so sweet for me, I'm sorry for throwing up and stuff. I really wish I could have helped you yesterday.'

'There's was nothing to help me with anyway, I had cut myself already and you at least kept me busy so I wouldn't cut again.'

'Was I really difficult?'

'You were quite- something.'

'I'm so sorry for trying to kiss you and even talking about wanting sex with you. I was really drunk and I would never do anything like that when I'm sober.'

'I know, it's fine. You're really sweet and careful with anything you do, it's okay.'

'I'm really sorry.'

I hugged him tightly and rubbed his neck. 'It's fine, it actually is.'

'Was my therapist mad?'

'He wasn't, he was only pitying you because your parents don't want to work with you.'

Clay nodded slowly. 'I feel really bad for relapsing, but the worst thing is- I really want alcohol again, even after what happened.'

'That's your addiction.'

Clay nodded slowly. 'Sorry to bother you with this, you have your own problems.'

'And I'm here to help you. I'm your friend and well- I hope I am.'

Clay giggled and nodded. We hugged the rest of the car ride and after that we didn't do much. Clay and I cuddled in bed for a long while and my parents made sure there was nowhere something what alcohol in the house. Even things with like 5 precent alcohol were hidden. My parents never drunk that much anyway, so it wasn't a big problem.

'Clay?'

'Yes, Georgie?' Clay asked.

We were laying on bed, cuddling each other tightly. I had my head resting on his chest and he was rubbing through my hair. Our legs were locked with each other's and I had my arms around Clay's waist as Clay had his hand around my back.

'I want to hurt myself.'

'Why, Georgie?'

'I feel bad.'

'What makes you feel bad?'

'I saw it happen again, I'm so scared. I-.' I bursted into tears and started hyperventilating in seconds.

'Hey, ssh. Calm down for me. Do you want to talk or just cuddle?'

'Cuddle.'

'Okay, come.' Clay pulled me even closer and ran his hand through my hair.

'His eyes,' I muttered.

'He's gone. He's in prison. Look at me, okay? Look at my eyes, I promise you they aren't scary. Look at me, okay?'

I nodded slowly and looked up. I took a deep breath and I looked in his eyes. Clay smiled at me and a small spark appeared in his eyes. His eyes stood so sweet, he looked at me with so much love. Clay giggled softly and rubbed through my hair.

'See, I'm not scary.'

'You're beautiful.'

'You're way more beautiful,' Clay whispered.

I smiled at him and I started leaning in again so I could hug him tightly again.

'I really hope both our therapies work well and we both have a little less trouble with everything. I really can't wait to go to my favourite restaurant and the park and anything with you.'

'Me neither,' Clay muttered as he ran his hand through his hair. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

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