Numb (DreamNotFound)

7

TW's:
-Suicide attempt!
-Self harm (blood)
-Mentions abuse/mistreating
-Mentions trauma/PTSD/nightmares

George's POV

After the blonde boy waved at me, I felt a little better. I wanted to see him again, I wanted to talk with him. I wasn't allowed to have any contact with people, so I would probably never speak to him, but still. It was a comforting thought. I would love to be in contact with people again, I loved people. I always loved talking to them about whatever. It was really my way to cope with emotions. But no, I wasn't allowed to, because I got locked in this cell.

I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes. Maybe if I behaved myself a little more, they would get me out of this cell and bring me to a better place? I couldn't spend the rest of my life here, it was breaking me. I didn't understand how they could treat people like this. I didn't do a crime, I was only mentally totally not okay. I needed help, but this only brought me down more.

I couldn't see anyone, I missed my parents and my brother, even though they probably didn't miss me. They were scared of me, scared of their son and their brother. I wish I could sleep in my own bed, play some games on my phone, text a friend or just call someone. It would make everything so much better. I just only wished. I had imagined my mum to give me a hug again so often before the time I got driven insane by nightmares and a trauma.

My parents were the most lovely parents in the world. They did anything for me and my brother. They meant everything to me, they always helped me and after my trauma they were always there for me. My mum sat next to my bed for hours to talk to me and to calm me down, but I couldn't calm down.

I saw his eyes everyday and they got clearer and clearer. He wanted to murder me too, he wanted to hurt me too. As soon as I saw someone look at me, I got so scared and I only wanted to defend myself. I started hitting people and whatever. I knew it was dumb, but it just happened as a reflex. I should have defended myself when I stood there at the murder scene, but I didn't. I finally learnt to defend myself now.

I was driven insane by my fear. I had nightmares all night and even at the day I sometimes saw it happen again. It triggered panic attacks, tantrums and whatever. The day I threw a chair at my teacher was just because I saw it happen again. I got so scared, I had to defend myself in some way. I didn't mean to hurt her at all, I was just scared.

Days got darker, time passed by slower and slower. Today that boy might have shown up, but if he saw the real me, he would run away. No one liked me, everyone seemed to be scared of me. I was even scared of myself sometimes. Sure, they saved me from suicide, but I wasn't going to promise I wasn't doing it again after I got home. I still had this trauma, I still had those nightmares and I was still afraid every single second of the day.

I needed therapy to process what happened, how was locking me in a room going to help me? I felt a tear dropping down, I was hungry too. I didn't get any food today after I broke a plate and cut myself. Wasn't this just abuse? Wasn't this just mistreating me? Not giving me food anymore because I broke a plate. They could have bought me paper plates, I just wanted food. I was so hungry.

I looked at the ground to look for any small shards left and in the corner of the room I found one. I grabbed it, it was sharp and big enough to cut myself with. I couldn't care less, if they wanted to treat me like this, I wasn't going to care about them either.

I put it on my arm and kept cutting myself until blood streamed down. Apparently no one was checking the cameras, because no one was coming. Normally they would have stormed in right away, brought me to a room where they tied me to my bed and forced meditation in me.

I kept cutting myself, my whole arm was full of cuts. I knew that if they would find out, I would be tied to my bed again, but still. I wanted to feel good for now. Self harm calmed me down for just these small minutes, even though I knew the pain would only be worse after this.

I turned my arm around and put the sharp shard on my wrist. I could end it all, I had nothing to live for anymore. I couldn't survive here in this cell. I wanted to die, I only wanted to die. I had no one, I literally didn't. I wasn't able to see my parents and my brother. I had no friends, I wasn't able to go to school, I only had those stupid men mistreating me. If they wouldn't let me go away from this cell, I would just end it all and have peace. If they didn't give that to me, I would make it myself.

I cut deep in my wrist, blood literally streamed down at a high speed. I didn't even feel it anymore, I only saw more blood fill my arm and the ground. My arm was completely numb, just as my feelings were. I felt nothing anymore, nothing but an empty hole in my heart.

I kept going deeper and deeper and I was feeling really lightheaded. I stood up to walk around for a little, but I couldn't. I couldn't even stand on my legs for five seconds and I immediately fell on the ground. I tried standing up, but I couldn't. I was completely numb and I couldn't move anymore.

Within ten seconds I passed out, only hoping for it to finally be the end.

1034 words