Numb (DreamNotFound)

19

TW's:
-Mentions trauma/PTSD/tantrum
-Abuse (police)

George's POV

The man came in a little later and passed me half an apple. I stood up and walked towards him.

'Can I ask something?'

'What?'

'I had a really rough night, I had five nightmares and a panic attack, can I maybe go outside today? Please?'

'If you go outside today, you can't go for two weeks after that.'

'That's fine, I really want to go outside.'

'Fine, ten minutes.'

'Thank you a lot.' I stood up and walked to the hallway, leading towards the outside door. When I was just five metres away from the door I started running. I bursted through the door and I ran away. The man ran after me immediately and started screaming at me.

'COME HERE, NOW.'

I kept running and followed the whole plan we had gone through yesterday. Since I slept really badly and had a lot of nightmares, I was easily triggered for a tantrum which was useful in this situation.

I looked at the man running behind and made myself trip over my own feet. I fell on the ground as planned and turned around. Now I only had to trigger myself to get mad, and that wasn't that hard apparently. Because the man looked at me so angrily, I got completely caught in my trauma and I crawled up.

'No, YOU AREN'T TAKING ME WITH YOU.'

'George, you're now standing up normally and you walk with me inside or I'll literally kick you inside.'

'You like hitting me don't you? You've done it more often, but why? Am I not already mentally exhausted enough? Do I also have to have a trauma because you abuse me?'

'We hit you because you hit us.'

'I have a TRAUMA, I'm mentally not okay. You are supposed to be here to help me, but you bring me down only more.'

'We do nothing wrong, you never listen to us so we have to.'

'You don't give me food, you don't let me shower, I get locked in my room the whole day, I'm never able to go outside. I want human interaction, I want to do some exercises.'

'You're a danger for everyone, you have to be locked in your room apparently, because you never listen.'

'You don't give me food, I had to hold my freaking pee because I had a time I had to go to the toilet with TWO security guards with me. I have eaten one apple in three days and I drank only one litre of water. I guess you don't care that I already have the worst kidneys in the world, because I tried killing myself this often.'

'That's why you're locked in your room.'

'I NEED THERAPY.'

'You won't get therapy.'

'Why am I here then?'

'Because you're a danger.'

'You hit me. I'm not coming with you, I want to see Clay.'

'Clay? Is that your faggot boyfriend?'

'Excuse me? Are you homophobic too? Is that why I can't be in contact with him? Because he's a guy?'

'You can't be in contact with anyone.'

'I WANT HUMAN INTERACTION. I was so much happier after I talked with Clay. Aren't you supposed to help me in whatever way?'

'Again, George. You're a danger.'

'I WILL STAY THIS WAY FOREVER LIKE THIS.'

'You're just sick. You will never get better, do you want me to remind you a little of your stupid trauma maybe? Your trauma is nothing, you're just a pussy.'

He was making me so incredibly mad. I stood up and walked closer to him, clenching my fists.

'You really can't say this.'

'You're worth nothing, you will always stay this way. Next time you try killing yourself, I won't call the ambulance anymore.'

I wanted to hit him, but he hit me in my face. He hit me this hard that I fell down on the ground and felt something warm drip out of my nose. I had a bad nosebleed. I wanted to stand up to say even more for the police, but it wasn't necessary anymore.

'YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.'

I couldn't resist a small smile as the police surrounded the man and way more police officers ran inside of the building. I was trying to stand up, but I felt arms around my waist to lift me up. I managed to stand up and turned around. Clay hugged me really tightly and he gave me a napkin to clean my nose.

'Are you okay?' Clay whispered.

I nodded softly, but it didn't take long before I bursted into tears.

'Talk about it, George.'

'He triggered my trauma.'

'Come with me, let's sit down and talk about it.'

I nodded and walked with him to a bench. I hadn't let go of him for a single second and I cried in his neck.

'I saw his eyes again, I was so mad.'

'George, I'm going to ask you something.'

'Okay.'

'Look at me.'

'What?'

'Look at me.'

'But-.'

'Look at me, George. I promise you, I won't do you anything.'

I was really scared, but I trusted Clay to do the right thing. I looked up really slowly, closing my eyes to prepare and after a minute I opened them. I looked in Clay's eyes and took a deep breath.

Clay looked at me with love in his eyes. His eyes stood soft and I could see a soft spark in them. I felt even more safe now I was looking him in his eyes.

'Are you okay?' Clay whispered.

I smiled softly and hugged him tightly after that. 'You're beautiful and so are your eyes.'

'Your eyes are beautiful too.'

'I really love you, Clay.'

'I really love you too, George.'

I pressed my forehead against his. 'I want to hold you, but I don't dare too. I'm scared to be clingy.'

'That's fine. You're not clingy at all and I understand it. I don't want to hurt you even more with my addiction and stuff.'

'I just don't want to risk a lost friendship.'

'Me neither, but George?'

'Yes?'

'Can I maybe hold you really then? I love to be close.'

I giggled and nodded. Clay smiled and he leaned in, holding me tightly. I fell in his arms after and kept hugging him tightly.

1065 words