s t r e a m {SAPNAP}

- 3 -

BEE POV
"AH. THERES THE DEPRESSION."

***

OCTOBER 3RD - EVENING

That night, after work, I decided to get on twitch again. As I waited for people to join my live, I inspected myself in the camera.

I had long, black hair that I always kept in a ponytail or tucked back, away from my face. My nose was long and thin; I hated it. My cheekbones sat high on my face, and I hated it. Freckles dotted across my cheeks and nose, and I actually liked it. I was proud of my hair, my eyes, and my freckles.

I was weirdly self confident for someone that had the emotional stability of a goldfish.

I loaded up my face cam and said hello to my viewers.

"Hello loves!" I said as cheerfully as I could. "Today I'm not really going to be playing Minecraft. I actually wanted to talk to you about something serious."

"I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't been doing too great. If you're new here, Hi, my name is Libbee, Bee for short. Obviously you know my Twitch, Buzzy. I'm 20 years old, I'm in college, and I work part time at a pizza place." I waved. "But lately everything has been piling up. Rent is due, tuition is due, work is piling up, and the studying never ends."

"I've been dealing with a lot lately. So I'm going to be responsible and try to work on my health. I won't be streaming every night anymore, not until I feel back to normal. I'll still stream at least 3 times a week, I promise." It felt good to be able to breathe again. "But exams are right around the corner. As soon as the semester ends I'll try to be more active. I hope you'll understand that I seriously am not doing good right now."

I watched as chat started to apologize or send me sympathy. I stopped to read a few small donations gratefully.

"You guys really mean the world to me. We're like, one big family, all 2000 of you or so. And I'm the tired mom who just needs to sit in the bathtub and drink wine for the next week. If you were at yesterday's stream, you probably saw me cry, so I'm sorry for that." I laughed. I noticed a small influx of viewers. They must have been lingering from the raid yesterday. "I am not going AWOL. I just really need to focus on school and work. I really appreciate everything, guys! So I'll still do my stream tomorrow night after work, but then I won't stream until Monday."

I sighed and tried to swallow my disappointment in myself.

The medication is wearing off.

"But I'm going to end today's stream with a raid!" I started to ask who I should raid; Dream being the number one answer. "God! No! I'm not some weird fan girl desperate for his attention. He raids me once and I tweeted him at thank you. Shut up about it guys." I shook my head.

"Fine, we can raid Sapnap." I googled him. He was a friend of Dream's—wow, why am I not surprised? "Ugh, you guys, you can't let this drop? I DID NOT CRY!"

Finally, I allowed my viewers to raid him. Sapnap was the only one streaming at the moment anyways. I hopped over to his stream in embarrassment as he thanked me for my insignificant raid compared to his large viewing amount.

"Hey, Buzzy! Thanks for the raid!" He said, not looking a bit disappointed. Huh. Nice change of pace.

I signed off after that and let myself get ready for bed. I wasn't going to do any school work. I'd had a long day serving pizza's and listening to boys talk about computer coding. I wanted to fall asleep for thirty hours and never wake up.

As I tiredly climbed into bed, I saw that Sapnap himself had tweeted me. Had I made it a trend to tweet someone and thank them for the raid? Ugh. I hated it.

-SAPNAP (@SAPNAP)
Thanks for the raid Bee!! LOVING THE CONTENT

-BEE (@LIBBEE)
Honestly regretting it now

-SAPNAP (@SAPNAP)
ur so mean. I hope you die in bedwars tomorrow.

I laughed. Did he really just say he was loving my content? In a way, it made me feel a little bit better. I put my phone down and listened to a few tweet notifications pop up now and then. I fell asleep with ease for the first time in a while.

-USER278 (@USER278)
I'm so sad bee's not streaming every day now
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-JULIAN288 (@KINGJULIEN288)
Did you see how sad she looked today. That's not poggers. She needs a break
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-KAPTAIN (@USER283828)
I feel bad for her

***

OCTOBER 4TH

I woke promptly at 9 in the morning. For once I didn't feel completely exhausted. I felt okay. Had my speech about not wanting to stream everyday already instilled peace of mind?

I stood and was kicked in the stomach with a wave of dizziness. Ah. There's the depression.

I checked my mail. Nothing. I drank my coffee and took my meds, staring at the bottom of the mug that was littered with coffee grinds. I took a shower. I got ready for work.

Pizza Palace, as Royal as it sounded, was an absolute shit place to work and I hated every second of it. I was basically a manager, but I was treated with less respect than the other employees ever were.

I drove over to the restaurant and began the opening process; wiping tables, starting the oven, counting the money, and fixing the salad bar. I was ready for the ten hour shift I had waiting for me.

Slowly, when eleven o'clock rolled around, customers and employees alike began to come in. I clocked in the servers and made my way to the cook's line to start making the pizzas.

I did enjoy cooking the pizzas. It was much more therapeutic than talking to loud and annoying guests. Although, being in the kitchen meant getting yelled at by loud and annoying coworkers. It wasn't my fault that the oven doesn't cook the pizzas fast enough!

I made pizzas for four hours before they let me go on break. One of the servers, whose name was Lillian, gave me an absolutely hateful look as I clocked out.

I didn't know why they hated me so much. I knew I wasn't well liked in high school, I was anti social, and I didn't have a lot of friends. But I hadn't done anything to her or any of the other employees for that matter.

I was always just the subject of a rumor or a joke.

I sat in the office and tried to decide if I wanted to walk across the street for McDonalds or not. I knew I'd probably only eat half of what I ordered, so I decided against it to save money.

I put my head on the desk.

I wondered if my mom would've been proud of me.