s t r e a m {SAPNAP}

- 32 -

BEE POV

***

SEPTEMBER 5TH

Nick and I streamed together for the next week. In fact, we did...literally everything together. At one point, I forgot that he didn't actually live with me.

Streaming, eating, reading, shopping--anything you could think of--we were probably together. I took so many pictures of us together. I cherished these pictures, all of them going on my Instagram or into a special folder in my camera roll.

Nick stared at me during dinner once, unable to tear his eyes away.

"It's funny to me that a few months ago I was desperate to know your name, and now you're sitting here, eating dinner with me, while wearing my sweatshirt." He finally found something else to focus on.

"I don't know what you mean. This is my hoodie now,"

"It's just...the first second I saw you I couldn't get over how beautiful you were."

Heat instantly rose to my cheeks.

"You think I'm pretty?" I sputter out.

"Of course I do. I...I think I might be falling in love with you," Nick admits, not meeting my eyes.

I chew on my lip.

"There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you, Nick, honestly." I whisper, mostly to myself. "And I get nervous when I do talk to you. Like I'm afraid you'll leave."

"Why are you so afraid to let me in? I want to talk to you. I want to get to know you. I know the Libby from the streams. And I only know bits and pieces of the Libby that I see now. I...is there just something you're afraid of me knowing?"

"No, it's not like that."

"Why are you packing up your apartment?"

I could not bring myself to look at him.

"Nick, I..."

"I don't care what we end up being. But for the sake of our friendship, can I just know what's going on with your life? There's much that hasn't been said. And...I just want to know you. Not the person you show the world. Not the person you act like at work. Just you."

"You don't want to know all that," I mutter. Nick runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

"Were you ever going to tell me you were moving?"

"...I was going to tell you eventually."

"Where?"

"North Dakota." I could taste blood where I had been biting my lip. "I'm moving in with Lydia."

Silence.

"Why?"

"She asked me to. She's my family."

"But what about your family here? And your friends? School?" Nick's hand found mine on top of the table. I liked the way my fingers interlocked perfectly with his.

"I'm finishing school online. And I don't have family here. My parents aren't around. I have no siblings. My grandparents died a long time ago. Lydia's the only family I have left."

"So you're just up and leaving?"

"I guess," I shrugged, rubbing my thumb against his. "All I have here is bad memories. Every day, every night. Just the reminder. Just the memory of my dad." I wondered if I should speak.

"What happened?"

"We were happy once. But my dad started drinking, we couldn't pay the bills, he was...not kind anymore. He died right before my senior year." I look to his eyes. They're filled with confusion. "Then my mom died a year later from pneumonia. We couldn't pay for the hospital, cause we were still in debt from my dad."

"Is he the reason you had those nightmares?"

I nod.

"It was bad. Real bad. He broke my arm the day he died. Had a stroke right in front of me. So Lydia wants me to go live with her. She couldn't cope with all those memories. I guess she thinks I can't either." I sighed.

"I'm sorry, Bee, I didn't know,"

"It's fine, really. I don't mind. You'd have to find out eventually. But you know my life wasn't always fucked up. I played piano, I liked to sing, I obviously liked video games. I was the best speller in my elementary school. I loved to go to the beach. I loved to be with my family--it was so important to me as a kid." I reminisce on my few happy memories. "And I've been in bad relationships. Can't have anyone yell at me without getting scared."

"At this point it feels like my life is run by trauma and medications that only work for a small period of time." I pull my hand away from Nick's. "I'm sorry, I didn't want you to have to put up with my fucking up life."

"I'm glad I know now," Nick spoke softly, taking my hand again. His thumb ran over my wrist, over old scars I hadn't acknowledged in years.

"Do you have to leave?" I ask. I don't need to elaborate. Nick already knows.

"I promised Dream."

"I know," I felt a single tear escape. "Gotta keep your promise to Dream."

We sat and talked for a little while longer. Nick didn't let go of my hand until I pushed away from the table and announced I was going to bed.

I left him sitting at my kitchen table alone, my ghost sitting where I once was, leaving a cold imprint on his hand.