s t r e a m {SAPNAP}

- 41 -

BEE POV

***

SEPTEMBER 23RD

The airplane this time was cold compared to the warmth I felt when Nick sat next to me. Already mid September, the two weeks had gone by in a flash. I listened to music as we coasted through the clouds, but instead of feeling upbeat, my music had depressing undertones. The clouds were not the familiar, fluffy white that they were before, but dreary and grey.

I wished I'd kissed Nick goodbye.

Texas did not look any brighter when we arrived. The plane landed and connected to the gate; the second the seatbelt light turned off, I grabbed my carry on and ran off the plane. I went down to baggage claim, already calling for an uber while I waited.

My pastel pink suitcase was one of the last to come out, and by the time I'd grabbed it, my ride was already waiting outside. I told him to take me back to my apartment.

Like the plane, my apartment was cold. It was cold and dark and ugly. I hated it. Henry came out of hiding and I scratched his ears. Kayla had been taking care of him while I was gone.

Although I wanted to fall into my bed and sleep for the rest of my life, I turned on the lights and began to pack once again. Everything I could survive without for the next two weeks, I packed neatly into bins and boxes. By the end of the day, my apartment looked even more bare.

I turned on my PC to finally start streaming again. When Nick was here, I streamed a little bit, but hadn't done a lore stream since I'd canonically died. Then, obviously, I didn't stream part from Instagram Live.

I was only going to do a bedwars stream, but I intended to finally do a Lore stream tomorrow. I knew a few people were going to be on, especially Dream, Wilbur, and Tommy.

As people started to join my stream, I switched from my "stream starting" screen to the Minecraft homescreen, waving to my webcam.

"Hey! I'm back from Florida! And yeah...it's just me in the apartment this time. This is gonna be a kind of chill-and-slash-or-serious stream while I play some bedwars." I logged into the minigame server. "So, I'm sure you've already noticed that my room is unusually bare, and you've probably seen some boxes in the back of my pictures or Instagram lives, and I've been getting some questions about it on Twitter and all."

I started to encase my bed with oak wood.

"So the truth is, I'm moving to North Dakota in a few weeks. I've actually known for about a month now, maybe a little longer. I'm going to live with family. I don't have a lot here in Texas, so this is a decision based solely on family."

I read a donation.

"Yes, I do have Sapnap in Texas, but he and I talked about it and we're going to do whatever we can to make sure things work out. Nothing is going to change, I'm still going to be streaming a lot, and you can definitely expect some Lore coming up. Speaking of lore...come watch my stream tomorrow!" I hinted. I knocked someone off their based and victory flashed on my screen.

"I also think it's time that I'm honest with all of you, so I'm going to go full webcam for a minute." It was a spontaneous decision, but I felt like I was finally in a stable enough position for me to talk freely about my family and my personal issues.

"Things have definitely been hard the past few years. I'm moving to North Dakota to live with my Aunt, since she's my last family alive. I lost my parents a few years back, and if you've been here since day one, I'm sure you'll remember my freshman year when I wasn't streaming for a while. My mom was my biggest supporter in my life, always wanting me to be something great. Which is why I started streaming, and going to college.

"Unfortunately she...passed, so it's just been me. I'm sure you'll also notice that I've been doing a lot better lately. I'm just here saying this to really try and get through to some of my subscribers or followers who are struggling right now. It's okay to not be okay. Just remember that you are always loved and there are tons of people in this world that love and care for you. Life hasn't been good to me, and maybe it's not being good to you, but you are worth so much more than you believe."

I bit my lip, fidgeting with my hands in my lap.

"I'm not going into detail, but there was a time that I thought everything was hopeless too. I...there's so much in the world for you, and I don't want a single one of you to feel like there's not. When I had to go to the hospital and fight for my life..." I winced, trying not to bring back those memories. "I realized that there is something for me on this Earth. I want you all to know this. You are so, so loved. When everything is particularly hard, your friends and family will still love you. Even if you feel so alone, you're not."

I clasped my hands together and let out a deep breath.

"All I'm saying is, there's a lot more for you than you think. God--okay, let's get back to bedwars, huh?"

I figured it would not be long before people started to clip what I'd said, but at that moment, I didn't care. I had been on the cusp of life and death, and managed to survive any attempt I'd made. If I had not, I wouldn't be there for all those people; I wouldn't be there to meet Nick, I never would've gotten to see Disney, I never would've had the chance to become someone.

Sometimes it takes your breaking point to lift you to the top.

***

(This is your friendly reminder that YOU ARE SO LOVED AND WANTED. please call this number if you ever feel like you are struggling. 800-273-8255)