s t r e a m {SAPNAP}

- 23 -

BEE POV

***

AUGUST 22ND

I could not get my aunt's question off of my mind. When everything I'd longed for was right in front of me, I hesitated to grab it. A normal life with family I could tolerate was in the palm of my hand--why was it so hard to close my hand and make it a done deal?

I wanted to smack my head against my steering wheel as I drove. Nick was on the phone with me, but I could hardly concentrate on his voice.

I adored Lydia, really, and I knew she adored me. She wanted a daughter, I wanted a mom--but did she really know me?

Was that why she wanted me to get to know that boy up the street?

I didn't tell Nick what she'd proposed. I was afraid that we would stop talking if I decided to move up North. I didn't want to have to deal with that again. I didn't want to deal with another heartbreak, especially from someone I wasn't even dating.

"You okay? You haven't said anything in a while," Nick said, pulling me from my mind.

"Yeah. Just concentrating on the road." I finally reply, trying to shake the question from my mind. It was no use--it hung over my head like a cloud.

On one hand, I wanted to see her more often than not. I couldn't just drive to North Dakota every week, but even trying to visit every month would be a problem. On the other hand, I wanted to stay in Texas.

So I could quit my job, take online classes for school, leave my friends behind, and leave behind everything that I ever knew from my childhood, or I could throw away the one chance I had at having a normal family. I could finish my degree in North Dakota, fly Lydia and I to Texas for my graduation, find a nice North Dakotan boy to settle down with and have kids in the snowy mountains and forget everything I ever knew. And on top of that, where would my streaming career be? I hadn't even told Lydia about that.

And then there was all the friends I'd made. For George, Wilbur, and Tommy alike, it wouldn't be a big deal. I was still in a totally different country. But what about Clay? What about Karl, and Alex? I mean, technically Alex lived in Mexico, but it sure was a lot closer to Texas than North Dakota!

And most importantly, what about Nicholas?

"Christ," I muttered. "Never in my life have I needed to roll a joint more than now."

I forgot that I hadn't yet hung up with my friend.

"Is the traffic that bad? I could mail you some of my stuff when you get back," I hear him joke.

"Ugh, I do not trust whatever source you get your weed from. I also do not condone underage smoking, you heathen." I laugh, a nervous air to my tone of voice.

"Please, your birthday is in a few days."

"Yeah, and I'm only turning twenty. Plus, you're still twenty. So you're still underage. Bite me, bitch."

He muttered something under his breath that I didn't hear. I didn't care to hear it anyways. I was focused on a bigger problem.

"Okay," he said after a few minutes. "I gotta go. Clay's calling me."

I begrudgingly say goodbye and return my attention to the road. I was only a few hours into my drive, yet I was already filled with intense boredom. I switched on the radio, but my anxieties creeped up in my mind and drowned out the sound of Billie Eilish.

I had to make a decision. I wanted to please everyone--but I knew that wasn't an option. Would I rather disappoint myself and my friends, or disappoint Lydia?

It feels like any sane person would choose to disappoint their aunt. I, on the other hand, decided as I go onto the freeway once again, that I would pack my apartment and move to North Dakota.

I could not say no to family.

***

AUGUST 23RD - LATE

I finally got home at almost midnight on the twenty-third of August. I'd made it into Texas a few hours earlier and forced myself to stay awake just so I could make it back to my apartment without having to sleep in another musty motel.

I threw my things on the floor without bothering to put my clothes through the wash or unpack. My bed was my number one priority. I tweeted that I had gotten home safe, and to expect a Lore stream the next evening, but promptly after, I fell asleep.

***

AUGUST 24TH

"Hello loves!" I waved to my webcam and smiled tiredly. I'd woke up almost a dozen times last night, barely getting any sleep. "I am so glad to finally be streaming again. How are we all doing today?"

I watch as the hype-train was stacking higher than I'd ever seen before. Some donations sped by, including a dono of 50 gifted subs--which I thanked the gifter profusely for.

Things in the server got very emotional very fast. I watched the tension grow between Technoblade and Tommy for what seemed like the millionth time, until they turned to me.

"And you!" Techno yelled, his pig skin staring into my soul. For a moment, I was scared, before remembering this was a block game and definitely not real life. "You've betrayed me for the last time! My God--when everyone was against you, when the world had its back against you--I was there! I would've put everything on the line for you. My honor, my pride, my LIFE! But no, you went crawling back to the one person who's destroyed everything you've ever known. You went crawling right back to Dream."

I tried to defend myself.

"No! You don't get to explain yourself. All you've ever done is try to explain yourself, and I sit and listen, and I listen until you have nothing more to say! We were friends, once," Techno hissed. "But you betray and steal and hide from me. You claimed to be my friend! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO LEARN THAT THIS ISN'T ALL ABOUT YOU?"

"Technoblade, stop!" I hear Tommy cut in. "He threatened her, Techno! She put everything on the line for you, and--"

"Enough!" I finally gasp. "Don't think for a GODDAMN second that I don't feel bad. Don't think that I don't wake up in tears and try to undo everything I've done. When I forget my own name, when I forget about the people I loved, do you think I enjoy that? And when I go right back, time and time again, to the person who's hurt me the most? How can you possibly think I enjoy that?"

"You're nothing but a traitor,"

"So I'm a traitor! But at least I came back to you at one point. When he could've killed me, when he took everything I loved and kept it hostage from me, I came right back to you for help!" I almost wanted to cry. I wondered if there would be fanarts of this. I hoped so.

"It doesn't matter that you've tried to come back to me. You went to Dream first. And when you decided you were done with him, you came right back to me. How many people have you hurt, Bee? How many more do you intend on getting killed?"

"I never wanted anyone to die for me," I said. "I never wanted Wilbur to die, I never wanted Schlatt to die, I never wanted any of you to die! Tommy--listen to me, please!"

But he said nothing.

"I know I made mistakes. I've lost my friends, my family, my home," I cried, preparing for the end of the stream. It was coming. "Kill me, then, you coward. Kill me. Kill me!"

"History repeats itself time and time again, Bee." I held my breath.

"Then it was never meant to be," I whispered, watching as my screen turned red and a notification showed in the Minecraft chat: 'Buzzy-Bee was slain by Technoblade'.

My last canon life.

I ended the stream and grinned.