A New Song [mxm]

11. Thrill of it All

Alex looked over at the person next to him. Jaxon was in jeans and a tight shirt, and as he laid down, the shirt rose up, exposing a little of his hips. Alex felt his Adam's apple bounce, and he tore his gaze away.

He regained his calm, trying to ignore how attractive the man next to him was.  He cleared his throat, feeling a little parched. 

He knew that he couldn't tell him about Preston. Who would believe him?  So instead, he gathered the memories of Alexander from the past, every mistake he made, and every scar that led him to this place.

"It's not really a secret, and you could probably find it if you look hard enough." He took a deep breath before continuing.  It technically was someone else's story, but it was still a hard story to tell, and he didn't know how Jaxon would react.

"My father is not the best when it comes to holding down a job, and my mother was only able to get a job as a cashier.  So my father made it my purpose to bring money and provide for the family. I was supposed to go into accounting or some boring and tedious office job. But instead, I started my music career at 15. It brought in some money, and the family accepted it for the time being because they thought it was just a phase. At 18, I was supposed to grow up and get a 'real job' because music is not a solid career choice."

He rubbed his head with frustration just thinking about how he was unsuitable for an office job.

"I refused. That's when LuxStar found me and brought me into the fold. I didn't know how to explain my passions to my family, and they didn't want to accept it. So we had a falling out. This meant that my little brother had to take on the role of money maker, and I incurred his resentment."

He sighed as the memories flickered in his mind. "Despite them turning their back on me, I knew I had potential.  I was just a little young and unpolished.  I choose to run this voice ragged for countless hours to be intimate with each note. I have played the guitar and piano until my fingers have bled. I have danced until I collapsed." He waved his hand in the air from his position on the floor. "Case and point."

Jaxon laughed, the hypnotic sound rippling through the room and causing a shiver to creep up Alex's spine.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to nullify the effect that Jaxon had on him.

"But resentment is a bitter seed.  It becomes destructive when it's allowed to grow and bloom. During one of my shows a year ago, my brother came unannounced. I was delighted at first, but I will always remember his eyes... they were filled with disdain and hatred."

Although this was a mere memory, Alex could feel the horror when looking into those dark and menacing eyes. There was no semblance of brotherly love. It was like he was looking at a stranger.

"He was upset that I left it all on his shoulders. In a moment of anger, he threw a bottle on the stage. He always had a good arm, so I received a bottle to the head and earned a trip to the hospital. My father met me at the hospital the next day, demanding that I don't press charges. It never crossed my mind, honestly.  I had always felt guilt for pursuing this dream.  I have questioned if I should have just supported them in the way they approved.  Should I have compromised?"

He sighed heavily. "But then my father told me that I should give up.  He claimed that I could sing myself raw, but no one would listen to my songs. The world will turn deaf the moment I open my mouth."

The memories of Alexander were filled with torrential emotions and overwhelmed him enough to cause his body to react without him realizing it. He didn't know he was trembling until a strong hand gripped his own. Alex turned his head quickly and saw that Jaxon's hand intertwined with his.  Jaxon was still staring at the ceiling, but his jaw was clenched with undulating anger.