A New Song [mxm]

42. Inside Out

Jaxon refused to leave Alex's side while he was in the hospital, even with a temporary restraining order against Remy was in place.  He didn't trust him. The staff begrudgingly let him stay after visiting hours, and then happily released both of them.

Aura agreed to hold off on the music video until after the holidays, and allowed them both to clear their schedules. Soon, Alex found himself in Jaxon's Land Rover and heading upstate.  Alex was looking at the snow covered landscape on their way up, but he was tense and quiet.

Jaxon gave him a side glance.  "You're nervous?"

"I'm not... not for meeting your family at least." He tugged at the pendent around his neck.

"Is it me?" Jaxon asked worriedly.

Alex jolted. "No! Not at all." He bit his lip and let out a deep breath. "...I have been wondering, what did you hear in the hospital with Remy?"

It had plagued him for a while. Remy was speaking like he was going mad, and Alex didn't want to let on that he was Preston. But he knew that some things he said in the hospital were borderline suspicious. 

Also, a large part of him was aching because he was keeping a significant piece of himself from Jaxon. He didn't want to lie or hide the truth... But would Jaxon even believe him?  Would he think he was a lunatic?

Jaxon gave him a warm look.  This seemed to be the final wall around Alex's heart.  He pulled over to the side of the road and parked. He unbuckled and turned towards Alex.  But Alex was still looking outside, afraid to turn.

Jaxon reached over and unbuckled him as well.  "Please, look at me Alex."

Alex released a shuddering breath and turned towards him.  His eyes were filled with worry and apprehension.

Jaxon reached up and caressed his cheeks.  "I heard some things, but all that I could register was him calling you Preston and you saying that both of you knew why Preston was dead."

"You're not going to ask why?"  Alex's hands trembled a little and he bit his lip again.

Jaxon reached out and touched his bottom lip, releasing it from Alex's teeth.  He rubbed the indent gently and smiled.  "Do you want me to ask why?"

"I... I don't know."  He whispered.

"Alex, I will never force out whatever is hidden inside your heart.  I know something is buried there, and it may be painful.  I hope you will be able to one day, but only when you're ready.  No matter what it is, I'm not going anywhere."

"I want to tell you.  I just don't know how.  How do I even start?"  He looked frustrated and ran his hands through his hair.

"Start with Preston, I suppose."  Jaxon said with a shrug.

Alex flinched and snapped his eyes to Jaxon's. "What?"

Jaxon chuckled.  "Tell me about Preston and your link with him."

Alex studied Jaxon, trying to figure out if it was a trick.  He had no idea why Jaxon seemed so... understanding.  He remembered the last time he wanted to test the waters and decided to repeat the same words. 

"What if I told you I really am Preston?" His voice was soft and quivered for a moment.

Jaxon reached out and grabbed Alex's hands. He also remembered these words but decided to answer differently this time.  "Then I'll believe you."

Alex's eyes widened and a shiver ran through him.  "But it's an insane thought!  I mean... how can I be both Preston and Alex?"

Jaxon nodded with a small laugh.  "It's fucking insane.  It doesn't align with the reality we know.  But I'll believe you nonetheless."