A New Song [mxm]

27. Can I Be Him

Jaxon was having a difficult time filming.  He was obviously moody and had become despondent.  The character he was portraying was dark, but Jaxon seemed to have taken it to the next level.  Unfortunately, this also meant that he had many 'No Goods', so he had to do several retakes.  He wasn't the only one frustrated with his performance, so his break was quite welcomed. 

He tried to concentrate, but his mind was replaying his confession. He had wanted to tell Alex his feelings for a long time now, but he knew he couldn't push him too far. But when he said he liked him, and Alex froze, he realized he was too impatient.  Alex was probably not ready for a relationship.

Jaxon wanted to stay... no, he should have remained so he could talk it through. But he was flustered and ran away. Now he had spent the last month admonishing himself. Perhaps he could speak to him over this break, as long as he didn't fracture their relationship.

The filming company gave the actors and staff their phones back and sent them to a hotel.  Because they would be away from the set, they would be able to call people or meet with their families.  But Jaxon never had his family come to meet him. They would come in a heartbeat, but they also had their jobs and lives, and Jaxon didn't want to inconvenience them. This time, he was tempted to talk to his sister; perhaps she could help him. 

He arrived at the hotel alone and sat on the couch.  This quietness is that tormented him this last month. No music, no Alex. It was nearly unbearable.

He started at his phone, scared to turn it on. He feared two possibilities... an angry message from Alex or no message at all.

His finger trembled a little as he pressed the power button, and his phone lit up.  His eyes strained as he watched the phone load, and then he felt his breath catch in his throat as he saw the many missed call notifications, all bearing Alex's name.

He hesitated and pressed the first voicemail.

[...Oh!  Shit... I didn't think this far ahead... I'm such a fool... I'm sorry.]

Jaxon had a hand clamped over his mouth.  He was sorry?  Why should he feel the need to be sorry?  He replayed the message a couple of times, catching every detail of his voice.  The gasp when he realized he was being recorded—the quietness of his apology.

He pressed play on the second message.  He heard how Alex admonished himself. But the guitar was soothing and gentle, making Jaxon relish the sound he had been missing.

The third message made Jaxon let out a shuddered breath.  He was wearing his pendant. 

On the fourth message, he heard the one thing that set him over and broke down with happiness. 

[...I miss you.]

Alex missed him.  Alex felt his absence as much as he felt Alex's.

He continued through the messages.  Sometimes crying, other times laughing. Jaxon would replay the message multiple times when he would sing, just listening to the voice he yearned for.

The anxiety and temper he had been holding on to were stripped away by simple voicemails.  He felt at ease, like every trouble he faced dissipated.  This was the power of Alex's voice. 

He was lying on the couch with his eyes closed.  His phone was resting on his chest and he was startled when he heard it ringing.  He picked it up and saw Alex's name flash on the screen.  He grinned and answered the call.

Then there was silence on the other end as if surprised Jaxon picked up.  "Alex?"

He heard a shuddering breath escape Alex's lips on the other side of the phone.