𝐄𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 | Jegulus • Marauders

𝕷𝖎𝖊𝖘

𝙍𝙚𝙜𝙪𝙡𝙪𝙨 𝙋𝙊𝙑

Christmas was coming which meant I had to go back to Grimmauld Place.

Mother and father will be angry.

Possibly angrier than they were at Sirius.

I wasn't scared of course.

At least my outer shell wasn't scared, on the inside I was terrified.

I knew what they were capable of, I saw it with Sirius but I also knew that I was just going to have to endure it.

The marauders now did everything in their power to ignore me and make sure that they were at least ten meters away from me at all times, not that I really cared, I found myself doing it as well.

Although he was ignoring me, Sirius also tried to get my attention a lot. God knows why but he likes to send me random notes in class, puppy dog eyes and so on.

It was rather annoying in all honesty, he expects me to want to talk him after everything that happened over the last few weeks. Well, everything that happened that one night a few weeks ago.

As much as I hate to admit it, I feel really bad about what I said about and to James. I really do miss his lopsided smile and yet I had to mess it up.

We were never anything serious, trust me I know that, but I just couldn't help but feel closer and more trusting towards him than I ever felt towards my own brother.

Again, I just had to go and mess it up.

Why couldn't I have been a Weasley or a Lovegood?

I'm pretty sure they don't go forcing their youngest son or daughters to go running around, being a death eater.

Nor do they disown their child just because they believe in equality.

This world was fucking messed up.

There was going to be a death eater meeting during the Christmas break and I knew I was expected to go.

It scared me in all honesty.

It scared me that they might just be inviting me to kill me for letting myself run around with blood-traitors.

It scared me of what mother and father might do to me when I arrive back home.

It scared me that there was a war coming and I was supposed to choose the side that I despised in every way possible.

It scared me that I knew half the people walking in these castle walls almost certainly won't survive to live another year.

It scared me that I could be one of those people.

Not that I'd tell anyone that.

I stay to myself.

And I won't let anyone or anything become a distraction.

Not ever again.

𝙃𝘼𝙋𝙋𝙔 𝙅𝙀𝙂𝙐𝙇𝙐𝙎 𝙒𝙀𝙀𝙆 ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
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