The Exchange Student

Chapter 17

The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching there whole world fall apart and all they can do is stare blankly ~Nick Carraway~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sit there with the bag in my lap I pull out a single silver blade. I run my fingers over the edges and get chills as the cold metal touches my fingers. I run my hands over my clean wrist and look down at my pale clean skin. I take the blade in my hand and I make my first cut in months. I feel so free as the blood runs down my hand. All the pain that I feel goes away and I feel like I can breathe again. I cut again and again causing more blood to run down my arms.I go into the bathroom to clean up. Looking into the sink I see the blood and I run my fingers along the freshly made scars and wince when the pain that comes after. I look in the mirror and now I see the girl that I have to be again. I smile in the mirror and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I've got to fake it, make it look like I'm happy. I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. I walk back into the closet to hide the bag and I grab a sweater to cover my new scars.

I sit on my bed and pull out my laptop. As soon as I open it I notice I have many messages for a Skype call with my father. I almost completely forgot about him with everything that's been going on. The green light by his name turns on and I let out a sigh before pressing the call button. After a minute he answers and he appears on the screen.
" Ember sweetie! " my dad exclaims as soon as he sees me. I give him a smile
" Hi Dad " I say.
" How's it been sweet heart? " he asks.
" Good. Everything's great, I've been having a really good time here. " I semi lie to him. He stares at me for a moment and I just give him a smile, hoping he doesn't see right through me.
" Is it... a boy " he asks after a while.
" Maybe. " I say blushing a little. Everything is because of a boy. I feel myself start to frown but quickly put a smile on my face again.
" It's not that Harry boy is it? If it is I don't think you two can be in the same house. I mean teenage boys can be... handsy. " he says giving me a serious look. Oh only if he knew. I almost burst into tears again but I just shake my head and give him an eye roll.
" No dad it's not Harry. Trust me nothing will ever be going on between us. " I say shortly trying to swallow the lump that is forming in my throat.
" Oh well then who is it? " he asks a frown starting to form on his face.
" Um Axel... Axel Black I met him in the coffee shop, he works with me. Wait hold on..." I say trailing off while I look through my pictures and pulling one up of us at the fair. I show it to my dad and squints while he tries to look at it. He frowns again before looking at me.
" He doesn't seem like a good influence. " he says sternly.
" Dad..." I say rolling my eyes.
" I'm serious December. He doesn't look like a good influence I mean look at him. "
" I have. He's a nice guy trust me if you could meet him you'd actually love him. His um kinda like me...." I say trailing off. He gives me a confused look before realization comes across his face.
" Oh " is all he says.
" Yeah... Hey it's getting pretty late here so I better get going. " I say looking at my hands.
" Oh right you need sleep I can see that your tired. Goodnight sweetie, I love and miss you. " he says. I look up and he's giving me a smile.
" I do too. Goodnight dad. " I say with a small smile. He hangs up and I close my laptop with a sigh. I sit on my bed for a few minutes before getting up to get a glass of water.

As I reach the end of the stairs I hear laughter and talking coming from the living room. I instantly know who's there so I quickly make my way to the kitchen. I walk in and Anne is washing up the plate I had used to eat dinner.
" I'm sorry meant to wash that later. " I say to her as I go to the cupboard and pull out a glass.
" Oh it's alright sweetie I don't mind " she says with a smile and I give her one back. I go and fill my cup up with water and head out of the kitchen. When I look up I just freeze staring at Harry kissing Alice at the door. My body forgets how to function and I can't seem to continue walking. Their heads snap to me and that's when I notice the glass of water isn't in my hands anymore. I drop to my knees and start to instantly pick up the shards on the floor.
" I heard something break. What's going on? " Anne says quickly rushing out of the kitchen.
" I'm sorry I don't know what got into me I didn't even notice I dropped the glass I'm so so so sorry I didn't mean to I'm really sor- Ow! " I suck in a quick breath of air when I feel pain in my hand. I notice that I've cut my palm with a piece of glass. I hold my hand and I look up and notice Harry takes a few steps toward me. We make eye contact and the look of concern quickly changes to a blank stare. He turns around and steps back towards the door. " Come on let's go outside babe. " he says to her and my chest tightens.
" But doesn't Ember need help? " Alice asks. Harry freezes before stuttering out " N-no, she can do it on her own. " before closing the front door. I sit there kneeled on the floor and it feels like I can't breathe. Like I have no air in my lungs.
" Ember sweetie it's okay it was just a glass we have plenty more. No need to cry over one glass cup. " Anne says in a soothing voice. I give her a confused expression but then I feel the tears coming down my cheeks. I try to wipe them away but I end up getting blood on my cheeks due to the cut on my hand.
" Let's go get that cut bandaged up. " Anne says trying to get me up the floor.
" What about the glass? "
" I'll clean it up later. " she says with a smile. I nod my head and I can't help but stare at the front door waiting for him to come back inside and hold me. But he isn't. I finally get up and and Anne starts to take me to the kitchen. We hear the front door open and I turn my head around to see Harry walking in with a huge smile on his face. He looks up and sees me staring and changes his expression back to a blank stare and quickly makes his way upstairs without looking back.
" Come on now Ember. " Anne says. I nod my head letting her take me into the kitchen. I try to hold my tears back but a few stray.

It's been a few weeks after my fight with Harry everything has been kind of hazy, I don't eat and I can't sleep with out having nightmares. I go to work then come home or hang out with Axel and my depression is getting worse and so is the cutting. Harry's never really around anymore and when he is, he's with Alice, she's a nice girl but it hurts to see them together. When I do see him he acts like I'm not here like I'm a stranger on the street. I feel stupid I should have told him how I felt but I was protecting him I was trying to keep this from happing I was trying to do the right thing I am doing the right thing aren't I ? I mean aren't we suppose to protect the people we don't want to get hurt. This isn't how this was suppose to go I should have told him, I should have said it.