I'm Sorry (RanbooxReader)

Part 3: Denial

Y/N POV

After dinner, I head up to bed. I'm pretty sure I'm sharing a room with Niki since we're the only females. And normally I'd be okay with that, but now she's suspicious of me. Or at least it looked like she was at dinner.

I get under the covers and just scroll through my Twitter.

celest143
Y/N is so ugly. I'm so happy she hasn't been doing face cam streams lately
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selenaortiz
You don't have to be so rude. I think she's actually very pretty. Don't take out your insecurities on others :)
Liked by y/un
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celest143
Your obviously blind then
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y/un
You're*

I continue looking, and find many more hate comments. There are also nice ones, but all I can focus on are that hateful ones. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it.

I feel the need to run my blade across my skin. So why not give in? I make sure no one is around, then grab it and go to the bathroom. Instead of cutting my arms, I move down to my hip. It'll be easier to hide. After a couple lines have been made, I stop and head back into the bed.

I feel slightly safer here than at home. It's nice to know that my father can't punish me here, but I still have to hide. Hide from Wilbur and Niki's prying eyes. They know something is going on. I can feel it. It's only a matter of time before everyone else gets suspicious of me as well. Maybe the end will have to happen sooner than planned.

But for now, I should at least try to enjoy this while it lasts. I mean, I'm finally meeting everyone. And Ranboo is beyond amazing. He changed the topic when he could tell I was getting uncomfortable. And hell, he is gorgeous. His blonde hair is so cute, and his grey eyes shine with a glimmer of hope and innocence.

I stare up at the ceiling wondering why everything has been happening to me. I miss my mom and sister so much.

Amelia (my sister) and I used to do everything together. She was the first one to support me wanting to stream. When I reached 100 viewers, she was so happy for me. We would play Minecraft together and play LEGO: Harry Potter on the Wii. It was such a simple, happy time. When I started making money off streaming and joined the SMP, I told Amelia. Once I had made a certain amount, I would get Amelia something she wanted. She deserved the world. She deserved the world, but all she got was a horrible death because of one stupid bitch.

And my mom... she supported me in everything I did. She would be there for me every step of the way. When my grandfather died, she held me and Amelia while we cried. Amelia eventually stopped and went upstairs to watch YouTube, but I couldn't. She held me until I stopped crying which took quite some time. She was supposed to watch me graduate high school and college. She was supposed to watch me get married and hold her grandchildren. But that will never happen now. I'm not even sure I'll make it to college...

My thoughts are interrupted as Niki and Wilbur enter the room. I sit up very quickly and look for an escape route. There's a couple windows, but I'm on the second floor. Dammit!

I try to play it off. "Hey, guys. Do you need something?"

"Yes. I need the truth." Wilbur looks at me, concern clear in his eyes.

My hands start to shake, and I pray that they stop. I can't have them noticing another problem. "Wilbur, I'm fine. Truly."

Niki meets my eyes. "Y/N, I walked by the bathroom earlier, during dinner. I could hear you. We just want to help."

"Honestly, it was just the grease from the pizza. I'm not used to having so much grease. It was just messing with me." By now, my legs are shaking as well. Tears are pooling in my eyes, threatening to fall.

"You know that it's okay to no be okay. You can talk to us. We can help. Please, just let us help. I know what I heard on that call! Y/N, you're getting abused. That bruise isn't from gym, I know it. I want to keep you safe." Wilbur's voice is wavering near the end of his little speech.

I can't keep the tears back anymore. I let out a sob and break down. My entire body is shaking, and I can't control it anymore. "N-no. He does it be-cause he l-loves me."

I feel Niki's arms wrap around me. Instinctively, I jump and try to shield my head, expecting a blow to come. When none do, I spare a look. Niki is looking at me with tears in her eyes. Wilbur is standing at the end of the bed with pity in his eyes.

I need to stop crying. If my father was here, I'd be getting it right now. I pull myself together and desperately try to calm my breaths. But I know there is only one thing that could truly calm me down. But I can't do that while they're here.

"G-guys. I'll be okay." I attempt to reassure them.

"Y/N..." Wilbur trails off.

I can't take this anymore. I grab my phone and walk past them to the bedroom door. They're both too shocked to move. I wipe at my eyes quickly to get rid of the tears, but my nose is still pink. My eyes are still rimmed red.

I walk through the the house. I make it to the front door without anyone noticing before being spun around. My e/c eyes meet sparkling ones of gray.

"Where are you going? It's getting dar- Wait. Are you okay?" He notices that I've been crying. Ugh, today is not going good at all!

"Yeah, I- I'm fine. Just have to clear my head."

"Alright. I'll come too."

"No, it's o-" My protest is cut off by him.

"I'm coming." Well, I guess that's that then.

We start walking in a comfortable silence. He isn't pushing me to talk about what happened, and I really appreciate it.

I see a park and lead Ranboo over to it. I sit down on one swing, and look up at the sky. He sits on the one next to me, and I can feel him looking at me.

"I'm sorry about dragging you out here." I apologize.

"You didn't drag me out here, Y/N. I wanted to come with you." We make direct eye contact, and I feel butterflies in my stomach. Why does he have this effect on me?

I look up at the sky and see many stars. They remind me of Amelia. She loved the stars, and was curious of the universe. We would lay on the trampoline and just look at the night sky. We would ponder everything. How small and insignificant we were in. The large scale of things. But we were important to each other. When she passed, she took a piece of me with her.

I tear my eyes away from the sky to look back down. I try to hide the tears that are forming. I push them back down, and just try not to feel. Emotions will only make me weak. I need to rebuild my walls, even if that means shutting everyone out from the real me.

I spare a look at Ranboo. He's looking at the sky in what seems to be awe. But I can't let myself be collateral damage to him. As much as it hurts, I can't let myself fall for him.