I'm Sorry (RanbooxReader)

Part 7: The Fault In Our Stars

Y/N POV

As Niki's arms wrap around me, I do my best not to flinch. But I can't help it. She notices and slightly loosens her hug. I can hear slight yelling in the distance. It sounds like Wilbur. Oh, God. What is father saying to him? This just makes me cry even harder. I'm a disgrace, he's right. They would still be alive if it weren't for me. And Wilbur wouldn't have to worry about me. Why do I cause everyone pain?

Through my blurry vision, I see someone crouch down in front of me. It looks like they're trying to talk to me, but I can't hear much. Its like I'm underwater. I can only hear blurbs. "Y/N..... attack.... relax.... breathe.... Niki..." It sounds like Wilbur, but I just don't know.

I decide to try to do what I heard, which is to relax and breathe. I try so hard to focus on my breathing, but its so hard. My mind keeps wandering to all the pain I caused. I start to feel dizzy and nauseous.

"Will.." I manage to choke out.

I'm transferred out of Niki'sarms and I feel someone else hold me. I flinch heavily with the contact, but relax as I realize who it is. "...hey... okay... breathe..."

This time I start to relax a little. Late, Wilbur has started to become less intimidating. I almost see him as a parental figure now. The one I wish I had instead of my... dad? Would I consider him that?

Will pulls me closer, and my body shakes less and less. My hearing comes back, and I can hear all the reassurances he's saying.

"It will be okay. You're alright. He's not going to hurt you. Just breathe, I'm right here. I'm not leaving. Niki, go get her some water, please." His voice sounds so soothing.

I force my eyes open and blink away the tears. My eyes meet his, and I instantly wrap my arms around his neck. Not in a headlock way, but in a loving way. He's like the father I never had. Caring, compassionate, loving.

Tommy's POV

I go upstairs and watch through the window. I see Y/N fall to the ground and start shaking. I open it slightly, and I hear Wilbur yelling into what seems to be Y/N's phone.

Is this about her father again? I should probably talk to her. I know I can't relate at all to her, but I want to get close to her. I want to be someone she can talk to. She's a cool person. And hell, if Ranboo didn't like her, I would take my chances with her. But you know, bro code and all.

I never did tell Ranboo about her abuse. I thought about it, and decided it would be best if she told him. I dont want to give out her private information, especially if I want to be friends with her.

I close the window and look away. No more invading her privacy. If she wanted me to know, she'd tell me.

Y/N POV

Niki brings me a water, and I take it gratefully. "I'm so sorry, guys. I didn't mean to break down."

Wilbur rubs my back. "It's okay to cry. We're here for you."

I lean into him. "Yeah. Anything you need, I'll be here." Niki interjects.

"Thank you guys so much." Tears prick my eyes yet again.

After calming down, I go back inside. I go to my room and think back into what my dad said. I'm useless... worthless.

Before I know it, I'm repeatedly punching my left forearm with my right hand.

I can already see the blues and purples of the bruise forming. Well, I guess that's a new way to do it. Plus, its not as obvious as red lines..

Seeing the blue appear on my skin in comforting. Why? God, I'm such a screw up.

I hear a knock on the door and quickly compose myself. "Come in!" I yell.

To my surprise, Ranboo walks in. "Hey, Y/N. Everyone downstairs was being boring. So I figured that I'd find the person who isn't."

I smile at that. "Alright. What's up?"

Ranboo smiles. "Nothing much. Do you wanna watch a movie?"

I force a little laugh. "Sure."

"Yes! Okay. How about The Fault In Our Stars?"

"Really?" I smirk. "Do you want to cry?"

"Oh, shut up. Let's just watch it."

(SPOILERS)

When Augustus told Hazel Grace about his cancer returning, I could see Ranboo tearing up. Not to say I wasn't, but still.

Later on, at Augustus's 'practice funeral' Ranboo started crying. I smiled and got up. I sat down next to him and laid my head on his shoulder. I could feel him relax some as he tilted his head on top of mine.

"Maybe she wasn't loved widely, but she was loved deeply. And isn't that more than most of us get? When Hazel was sick, I knew I was dying. But I didn't want to say so. She was in the ICU, and I snuck in for 10 minutes. And I sat with her before I got caught. Her eyes were closed, skin pale, but her hands were still her hands. Still warm and her hands were painted this dark blue-black color. I just held them, and I willed myself to imagine a world without us. What a worthless world that would be. She's so beautiful. You don't get tired of looking at her, you never worry if she's smarter than you because you know she is. She's funny without ever being mean. I love her. God, I love her. I'm so lucky to love her, Van Hauten. You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you. And I like my choices. I hope she likes hers. Okay, Hazel Grace?" Augustus's final letter finishes.

Looking up at the stars while laying in a field, she held the letter, his final words to her, close to her chest. "Okay."

The credits start rolling while Ranboo and I just cry. I knew what was coming, but it still hits hard.

I get up and grab a tissue box. I take a couple and hand the box to Ranboo.

"Thanks.." he says.

I smile sadly. I wish I were Augustus. Then, I'd be dead. And everyone would blame the cancer, not me. Waitz I probably shouldn't be thinking this. That's disrespectful to people with cancer. Now, I feel even worse.

I walk out of my and Niki's room so Ranboo can compose himself. Going downstairs, I sit with Phil at the kitchen island.

"What's the word, hummingbird?" I ask Phil.

He laughs. "What? Nothing much. Everyone's either chilling or streaming."

"And what about you?" I ask.

"I'm thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner. Its my night to cook."

Shivers run up my back, and I try to suppress them. I should at least try to eat, but I already ate half a pancake today. And father told me that I look like a pig. I know its the truth, but Niki and Wilbur tell me that I look just fine. I don't know what to believe anymore. Father wouldn't lie, would he? I mean... Niki and Wilbur are probably just saying it because we're friends.

"Cool, do you have any ideas?" I ask Phil, not wanting to worry him by zoning out any longer.

"I don't know... maybe lasagna!"

"Sounds good." I flash him a smile. Now what do I do? Niki will be upset if I don't eat. Maybe I'll just have a little..

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Thank you all so much for 1,000 reads! I've been dealing with some shit lately. So I'm sorry for the slow updates. My grandmother has been in and out of the hospital due to cancer. She's not doing well at all. And school is a lot of work. Who needs school anyway? But I'll keep trying to update as much as possible. If you're struggling, please reach out to someone. You mean so much💕